Are You Prepared?

I ask this because I'm not sure if I am. Don't get me wrong, I love deluding myself into thinking I am but I haven't exactly reached my mindset to break free from the chains that bind me. Why? I have no idea. It's like I see my goal, want it, but just can't get my fear of failure away from me. I know that if I get over this fear then there will be no way of stopping me. From anything. Anything I dream on, any goal I have, I know that I'll be able to achieve them.

"Why do you push so hard? What are you preparing for?" I want them to ask. They might think I'm paranoid for something to happen, or that I'm a nervous wreck and just need to keep myself busy to manage.

But I'll lean forward with a smile on my face, look them in the eye and say," Preparing for MY future." Almost with pride. That's how I see it in my head, anyways. And maybe one day I will show everyone the dormant fire that burns deep. The fire that is coated in my own fear.

How I picture myself in my mind and how i actually am are two different things. On the one hand I don't care about a lot of things, however, some things really worry and bug me. On the other hand I have a lot of fears, however, underneath all of it I'm very angry and aggressive. 

It's almost as if the fear is trying to keep me in check even though I don't want to. I want the anger and aggressiveness to be on the surface. Not with people, of course, but it seems that when it shines through, I'm smarter and more determined with a lot of things. I need to be prepared mentally, physically, emotionally; in every way that I'm not. 

So I hide. Hide behind jokes, laughs, and immaturity and avoid the responsibilities. But inside, it's like I'm slowly rotting away from the disappointment and desperation. I'm so close to being empty inside that it's hard to tell if I'm still alive sometimes. I'm not saying that I don't dream anymore. As stated in previous paragraphs, I want to break free from restraints of fear that chokes me and just fly. But when does it become too late to be alive, regardless of being set free?

I need motivational speeches and songs. Almost anything that'll help me get moving. The desperation of a dying man it seems. Desperate to uncover the fire that wants to burn like it did.

So the question I have for you, reader, is: Are you prepared? The ups and downs, the being pushed around in every single direction, the hardships, the pride, the tears, the blood. Because I can guarantee that that's what will be included when chasing after big dreams. And the 'preparation' isn't just getting ready for big dreams. It's about getting ready for tomorrow. Getting ready for the next step. Rain or shine. Dead inside or not. You have to prepare.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard to prepare for all things. A lot of surprises? I like the questions brought to life by your thoughts. Life is tricky. We need a hard skin and a lot of patience. Thank you for sharing.
Coyote