An uneasy awakening

About Depression

19.12. 7:15

As I wake up in the morning and breathe my first breath my heart thumps in protest

The numbing vanity of my inside echoes through the eternal depths of my emptiness.

As I rise and stretch my tired limbs twitch and shiver like thin, dry twigs in winter

My neck stiffens by the thought of the unmountable day to come

I am tired, feeling the longing to lay back down and rest, preferably never having to wake again.

As I get dressed, tears run down my cheek my heart jerks in protest,

so delicate and wretched it is pathetic.

I feel a lump in my throat as I look in the mirror at the sorrow written all over my face.

As I start sobbing just for two seconds, I pull myself together

I throw on a smile and step out of my room, cheerfully announcing a  “Good Morning” I greet my family.  

As I sit down and attempt to perform the nauseating act of eating I imagine the shock and horror if they knew how I felt inside. 

Saw what I truly look like.

Surely they would find me monstrous.

I can't help but wonder what might be wrong with me.

Why my insides feel so crippled...

If I deserve to feel this way...

How can it possibly hurt so bad.

How can one just be so horribly sad?

I cannot overcome it

and slowly but surely it is driving me mad.

How can emptiness be so present?

How can nothingness be so painful?

When did it first start?

What was the first wicked thought?

Which the initial twitch in my heart?

When was the sunset,

and when the beginning of the dark?

Reviews

[Gary]

I really enjoyed this! Is that wrong? To see such good prose spring from such obvious pain? All writers are hurting though I think. And like the person telling this story, we bottle it up, add it to the fuel that runs our writing, and we go about our day.

On a technical note:
Both lines about your heart thumping and jerking end in "protest". Is this intentional? The poem is great the way it is, but I just know in my own poetry, I try to avoid using the same word to describe something twice. Not everyone feels the same way I do, though.

The last line "when was the sunset, and when the beginning of the dark?" is such a strong ending that drops the reader off with questions left unanswered. I love that. But in "when the beginning of the dark?", would you not want "when the beginning of the dark?" I may be wrong, but it caught my eye as I read it.

I really enjoy your writing. Please keep it up and I look forward to more! I hope my reviews find you well! Thanks again for the chance to read your work.

Gary

[Loui SE]

Yea I know, I usually try to avoid that, but I thought it might show how exhausting and annoying it can be, simply having a beating heart that's constantly protesting.
I'll think about it, maybe change it, it's not very solid as a whole, I'm a little sceptical about my sadder poems, when I read them in a good mood they always sound a little whiney, also a little lazy about correcting them because of that.
I didn't really get your point, with the beginning of the dark, what did you mean?
Thanks for the review, it's good to have some criticism, it helps back away a little, get a new perspective. I´ll put another one of the sadder ones in today, maybe you find time to read it.
all the best wishes!