Sunken Mermaid

About suicide

She was soaked in lonesomeness

no one understood

When she would cry all night long

no one knew why she would.

The reason was simple but still hard to accept,

in spite of all the gifts she had been given

what she longed for most was to forget.

Keep up they used to say, hang in there

they would encourage.

What they didn’t understand

was there was nothing left to nourish.

The pressure of her loneliness

got too high to contain

what she needed was a valve to let go of all her pain.

So she cut her own body

the one who was holding her back,

first it was a scratch then it was a crack

She cut her own body

the one who was bonding her to life

she cut it once, she cut it twice

until she couldn't stop, calmed and silenced all her cries.

“It just feels right to bleed”, she thought,

“ each time part of you dies”.

For a while, she was satisfied,

at least now all could see

how broken she really was,

the measures she had to take to set herself free.

But then occurred what always does

what ultimately had to happen was

although it was soothing, unique and her own

after a while it stopped helping and she felt even more so, empty and alone.

The trouble is that these simple solutions never hold

the cuts got deeper, the game got old,

she was covered in scars, all she earned was disgust

so she gave up her hope and gave up her trust.

She went back to silence and muffled weeps in the moonshine,

layed in bed all day long and stared at blank walls for hours at a time.

She got worse, she got better

Sometimes she thought herself cursed

Sometimes she blamed the weather

She fought, she begged, there were giggles in her weeps

She feared the next morning so much, she simply stopped to sleep.

It went on for too long

she turned darker each year

until one morning she woke up and had nothing left to lose and nothing left to fear.

She regretted the delay but eventually ended it all.

It was the only happy ending her faith had install.

She thought about it long, she thought about it hard

acknowledged her hands baring badly beaten cards.

Shamefully she gathered a thick, long rope,

said her last prayers to the people who still believed she could cope.

Tied a block of concrete to her dreams,  memories and hope

the other end bound, a sealed leash around her right foot tied in a slope.

now she peacefully lays at the bottom of one of the seas,

the world is still spinning, 

some people are still winning, 

some people are still losing,

there are still parades and wonders, wars and disease.

She left a letter saying:

When I am long gone would you do one thing for me?

Next time you see a girl or boy as unhappy as can be,

don`t tell them to keep it up, don`t tell them to hang in there.

Don’t ask them why, what about or what for.

Don’t show them pity, misunderstanding or bore.

Tell them to run as far as they can and as far as they need.

Tell them that life is given and doesn`t have to be achieved.

Tell them there is nothing wrong with leaving things behind or refusing to forgive.

Tell them it`s not their fault they don`t know how to live.