The silver coin

I couldn’t say what I had wanted to too anyone. I couldn’t say how I felt; I couldn’t say what I wanted. I wasn’t my own person. I had so many things I wanted to do in my life and yet, I did get to achieve them but or I am still trying to is what I should say, but I can’t seem to be the person that I want.

You know those idols that you love to be? Those kind, caring idols or whatever it is.  I don’t like a model for their looks or who they are. In fact my idols are the people who stand up for themselves. For some reason I can’t do it. I can’t get myself to be that honest straight forward person. I always sugar coat it. I always lie when I meant to tell the harsh truth. I just can’t get away from it.

It always starts the same. I meet a person, become their friend, hang with them, and then we just slip into oblivion. It’s sad.

Everybody has a secret can you tell me what is mine?

“Spirit?”

I looked up to see Ashley tilting her head.

‘Yea.” I say as if I was tired. She shook her head at me and sat down next to me.

‘I’ve got a question.” She said not looking at me but at Ms. Weber our music teacher. She was explaining how to sing the vocals of the song we were currently practicing.

“Which is?”

“Have you made up your mind?”

I sighed. How did I not know she was going to ask me that?

‘I don’t know. I don’t think I can.”

“You don’t have to choose. Only if you want to, no one is making you.”

“It’s not me that’s choosing, it’s her. She is. I can’t even get in line with my emotions let alone know how the heck to deal with this.”

She shook her head.

“Remember your writing, it might not be the permanent solution but it can help you.” Her voice was soft as I shook my head.

“No. nothing can help me now.”

We stood up with the other sixty seven girls and began to sing. We stopped when she cut us off, she told us a few things and we both continued in sync with the rest of the group.

As I sang my thoughts drifted to another part of me. I knew what I had to do but it was just so hard. She was yelling at me, and it’s sad.

She talked to her. She said she wasn’t choosing sides. Yet she did. She always had, maybe I just wasn’t good enough for her. Maybe not. But leaving is harder said than done. I can’t ignore you, your everywhere I go, I can’t talk to someone else, for you are always there talking to them, I can’t vent to anyone, for they all know you as a sweet heart, I can’t write anything out, because there is nothing to write out. Music however seemed to get me, and now it’s a passion of mine and I can stand you.

As I walked down the hallway I see someone telling someone off and I began to envy her. If only.  I grabbed onto my silver coin, which lay around my neck. It was my strength; it is what got me through everything.

I smiled a little and walked to my next class. Happy that I know someone who doesn’t know her there.

The day went on fine until I got to lunch. She sat there, at the table next to me. I held onto the silver coin and walked with my other friend who was yapping away about something. I rolled my eyes and we both sat down and I made eye contact with her.

‘The coin.’ I thought to myself. I looked away from her and continued to talk to everyone. Ashley took her seat next to me and watched me intently. I looked at her and nodded. She shook her head with a small smile and continued to quietly eat.

I stood up and made eye contact with her and said

“Maya go f**k yourself you stupid prick, I never liked you and never will. Have a nice life.” With my stuff in my hands I walked away with everyone gawking at me. So much for the nice one of the group.

Author's Note

Idk, I want to make this into a novel but what do you think?

Reviews

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p.s it was a great story, very potent

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oh yes you can go make this story into a novel! :) i think you should follow your heart at least there you'll be happy.