Clone

For /r/writingprompts: "The year is 2098. NASA has established an autonomous base on Mars that has a cloning facility in place to automatically produce a male and female human clone in the event"

Ever since NASA decided to build a cloning facility out on Mars, I've had my doubts

and worries about the mission, but I kept quiet, because I knew that humanity would

want to survive at all costs. I knew I wanted to survive at all costs. When NASA asked

for volunteers from the facility, I was one of the first to volunteer, even though I

knew it meant I wouldn't get to see the Earth for at least ten years, but it was a

sacrifice I was willing to make for humanity's sake.

    Not too long after my volunteering, cloning was legalized in the US, so NASA

decided to send a cloning facility up with us. One of the female volunteers and myself

were selected to serve as the genetic foundations for the clones. We both agreed to

it, signed some papers, and had some of our DNA taken. The cloning facility was big

enough to warrant its own shuttle to the Mars facility, and we had to load it up on

our truck to ship it over and hook it up when it arrived.

    The heads of the program explained to us that the cloning facility was

designed to be wired in such a way that if communication was ever lost between the

Mars base and NASA, that the facility would automatically assume us dead, and produce

a pair of clones to watch over the base, and to repopulate in case the Earth was

doomed. We agreed to this, but at this point, I was more than a little worried about

everything going wrong. Nevertheless, we were trained to watch over the cloning

facility, how to maintain it, how to wire it up when we get it, stuff like that.

    Finally, the fateful day came after a year of training. At four in the

morning, my teammate and I loaded up into our shuttle with enough equipment and

preparations to shame Noah, but in our own, slightly different way, we were to be Noah

in this case. We got ourselves latched in, set up, and ready to go. I was the copilot

in this case, because my teammate was far more trained in these matters, having been

to the base to set it up in the first place, while I was just a desk jockey who

watched over the construction of the base from my office chair.

    As we loaded in, we discussed how life might be on the red planet. After some

rather awful jokes about Mars being a former Soviet colony, hence why the dust was

red, we escaped the atmosphere. Our shuttle was designed to move at a much higher

speed than the shuttled of old, which would make it to the moon in several days, while

ours was designed to get past the moon in a day, and to Mars in a few more days. She

had helped design this machine as well, as well as a lot of the equipment we'll be

handling, but when I asked about the cloning facility, she said she had no hand in

that, and that was completely handled by people higher up than us. She said that they

didn't want us sabotaging it out of fear. To be honest, I was a little dumbstruck at

the revelation, but marched onwards toward Mars nonetheless.

    Following our arrival on the red planet, and the basic preparations of the

base, we studied the area where the cloning facility would be placed, and decided that

even though we might not like the idea of a cloning facility on the base, it's for the

better of humanity. A week later, the facility arrived about 2 kilometers south of the

base, so we loaded up into our truck designed just for this, that came with us to

Mars, and went to the facility. When unloaded it, I was dumbstruck at how small it

was. The flawless white of the device, slightly speckled with the red dust from the

impact, shined hard against the sun.

    We finally got it back to base, and mostly wired up into the base. We debated

wiring it into the communications system, but she reminded me that if we didn't,

humanity could be doomed. After wiring it into everything, we went about our many days

on the planet, raising crops, producing water, inventing games and playing old ones in

our large amounts of free time. It was one hundred and eighty-seven days before any

incidents with the communications decide, so after that, we had a second set of hands

to work with, so we didn't complain, but we did report it to NASA once communication

was back online.

    Another two weeks after that, and communication was lost entirely. Admittedly,

my teammate and I panicked at this, and rushed over to the cloning facility to see if

it was producing anything yet. After our last incident, NASA allowed us to add a two-

hour delay onto the facility, so it wouldn't start producing immediately, to ease our

panic, and to allow communication to resume in the meantime.

    Our two hours felt like it ended much sooner than it really did. We went to

check the facility while the clones tended to everyday chores, and everything was

normal, except for another pair of clones. Upon further inspection, we noticed our

delay had been tampered with, and the new wiring would allow for a new pair of clones

to be made every two hours that there was no communication. We decided to take this up

with NASA, figuring it to be their doing, since the entire cloning project was their

idea, anyway.

    We checked the communications center deeper into the base and noticed a chunk

of wires were ripped straight from the networking box. At this point, we knew we had a

problem. We raced out the doors to see three pairs of us staring us down. They glared

at us, and yelled at us for threatening humanity's future with the delay mechanism. We

said it was simply for everyone's safety and that it meant no harm.

    They told us that they had changed the delay mechanism to allow for more

clones to be made, allowing for humanity to continue. When we asked about the wires

missing, one of my clones presented us with a handful of broken wires in his hand, and

said it was for humanity's good, and accused us of hating humanity some more.

    We kicked dust at them and ran, but knew we couldn't be outside the base

without our suits. Grabbing our suits, we barreled out the doors as we put them on,

and threw our tanks and helmets on last, and stepped out the door. As soon as the door

closed behind us, we heard a rather permanent-sounding latch immediately afterwards.

We were locked out, and our tanks could only last a day without refilling inside the

base.

    We watched helplessly as they shut down the cloning facility after the tenth

pair of clones. If we begged they would simply glare, having no pity for us. We were

left alone to die, for a crime we did not commit, in any way, shape, or form.

    Help us. Oh God, please help us.

Reviews

[Ke11y]

Another well told tale. You are a competent author, and if I were to make suggestions it might be something as little as this:

[We kicked dust at them and ran, but knew we couldn't be outside the base

without our suits. Grabbing our suits, we barreled out the doors as we put them on,

and threw our tanks and helmets on last, and stepped out the door. As soon as the door

closed behind us, we heard a rather permanent-sounding latch immediately afterwards.

We were locked out, and our tanks could only last a day without refilling inside the

base.]

I think paragraphs like this one can be tightened up by bringing the action of running, grabbing suits, helmets, and tanks, without the use of stops. I just felt myself being halted from reading about the fleeing by the constant use of new sentences. Further, there is an overwriting of the obvious. The reader gets the idea that inside the base is the only place to refill tanks! Respect the reader's intellect.

This is purely a personal observation, but maybe something like this:

{We kicked dust at them and ran, grabbing our suits, and barreled out the doors as we put them on, throwing our tanks and helmets on last as we fled out the door. As soon as the door closed behind us, we heard a rather permanent-sounding latch immediately afterwards.

We were locked out, and our tanks would only last a day without refilling.}


I hope you'll understand that this is purely a personal preference, and does not detract in anyway from a entertaining piece of work. I am envious of your creativity. well done.

[Wonton]

Thank you for this piece of criticism. I will take this into full account. I've not written anything in a few days, but I've been working at ideas soon to put on here! Thank you!