I guess I should call this something, but I don't know what

This has become the only place I can write my inner thoughts, the only place I can share it with people that I don't know all because I know they won't make me do anything about what I'm writing so I guess lets start here. From something I have had running through my head a lot.. so welcome complete strangers....
It all started, like my whole fucked up mind games and s**t that when I was five.. I can't remember anything around that time but you know sexually molestation is nothing to joke about. I was watching something the other day that really triggered this memory and it said in the show "The only way sexual molestation victims can survive is to go numb." It was something along those lines and it drove me crazy I was watching something on youtube on how memories start from scratch every time. That though, is something you cannot forget. A promise was made, but a life was ruined and let me tell you any faith that I had in a 'higher power' was lost. Completely gone. I mean what is this fucked up s**t that I am going to remember forever?
So it is a new year in a short amount of time and I just guess that I should make next year a good one. Or at least try to not relapse....