Dear Little Me...

Finalized July 27th, 2015 3:46 PM.. This chapter means a lot to me. I still start balling whenever I read it. Both of my parents cried when I read it to each of them. This is a very powerful chapter.

Ch. 1: "Dear Little me..."
I once had a very weird dream. This dream wasn't the typical weird dream kind of dream though. I saw myself as I am now talking to little me.
I was sitting on a bench somewhere taking a picture of myself on my phone. I was playing around with my phone when I noticed a cute, light-complected chubby little girl w/long hair looking at me. I looked up & she smiled then looked down.. I thought nothing of it.. Then the little girl came & tapped me on my shoulder. "I like your smile & you're really pretty." "Aww.. Thanks so much.. What's your name & how old are you?" "My name is Elizabeth & I'm 6 years old."
I thought to myself suddenly. "Oh.. My.. Goodness! Little me.. This is little me! The complexion, the size, the hair.. This is little me!!! Is it really little me?? Yes! The beauty mark on my right cheek & the cherry pajama top.. There is no doubt in my mind. This is little me."
I realized that I was talking to little me.. I wanted to say so many things I didn't know where to begin. "Hi Elizabeth.. I'm, uhh.. I'm Elizabeth too."
Little me smiled big & I could see the gap between her teeth before she.. Before we* got braces. "You're Elizabeth too? Are you me?" "Yes.. I'm you. You're me.. I'm you 9 years from now." "I'm pretty! I can't wait to tell Cery how pretty I'm going to be. We still have Cery, right big me?" I smiled big & hugged little me. I kissed her on the forehead. "Of course we still have Cery little me!! We are NEVER getting rid of our awesome purple Care Bear. We still have Cery & we love her very much." Little me smiled. "Good. I love Cery. So big me.. Can I ask you some questions?" My heart was filled with nothing but love.. Little me.. Princess. "Of course little me! What would you like to ask me?" Little me thought for a second & then began to ask me a question. "Will I still be smart when I'm you?" "Yes, little me.. You are still smart. Very, very, very smart." "So I get good grades in high school?" I paused with disappointment. "Little me, you are still going to be very smart.. You aren't doing too well in high school right now though." "Why not?" Little me was confused. "Well, little me. You are going to deal with very hard things later in life. You are still smart, but you are going to struggle." I really didn't want to let little me down. "That's okay. I can handle anything bad. I will not stop trying. But big me, if I'm still really smart, then why don't I have good grades?" "Things are hard little me. You aren't focusing on what's important. You will be fine though." "Okay. But big me, we are smart. We are pretty. We can still make it & be successful in life even if we struggle sometimes. I want bigger us to do great things. If we are smart there is no reason why we can't do good." I paused for a moment. I was overwhelmed by guilt. I didn't want to tell little me about the suicide attempts & hospitals & the rest. "You're right little me. I want to give you some advice okay?" "Okay." Little me looked up at me with brown eyes that sparkled youthfully. I felt very strongly that I needed to tell little me. Instead, something told me to be gentle but still give the best advice possible. "Little me, you are in for one long, crazy journey down the road in life. You'll experience/deal with situations & things that'll be really hard. Whatever you face though, little me, don't give up. You are worthy. You are one & only. I believe in you. You WILL make it." Little me smiled. "Now it's my turn to give you advice, big me. Big me, you are really pretty & I really like you. You are telling me that we are going to have a hard time in our future. It's okay big me. We are still smart & really really pretty. I want us to be strong & reach all of our goals. Get good grades. There's no reason why we can't. I want us to be successful. I really love you big me." Little me hugged me & kissed me on the cheek. Tears flowed from my eyes & she wiped them with her small hands. "I love you too little me." "We are going to make it big me! Will you pinky promise?" I wiped the last few tears from my eyes. I nodded my head & held up my left pinky. "Yeah, yeah little me I promise." "What do you promise?" "I promise that we will make it & we won't give up." Little me & I sealed our pinkies & I made the promise to her that I wouldn't give up & that we'd be successful.. I woke up to my 5:30 AM alarm to shower & get ready for school.
This was only a dream, but it felt so real. I can't let little me down. I can't make that little Princess cry. I will make it. That is my only option. Little me expects great things. Big me expects great things too.

Author's Note

This chapter reminds me who I am when I'm struggling to find reasons to hold on.