IN YOUR SHADOW WHERE I SHONE

For my father, whose years were far less than I had wished...

Remembering when I was small

You held my hand, I felt so tall

Atop your lap, a mighty throne,

within your shadow where I shone.

You taught me how to catch a fish,

to toss a coin and make a wish

Oh how I wish I had those coins

I’d reverse time just to enjoy

 the sun as it set on the lake,

to stop you on that fateful day -

You took your life, I wasn’t there

Upon your lake of dark despair.

I’d take those shining coins of gold

Back to your shadow...

 ...Where I shone

 

 

 

Reviews

[SZHZIA]

It is the best expression of love for a father from you...
REMEMBERING WHEN I WAS SMALL
YOU HELD MY HAND, I FELT SO TALL
ATOP YOUR LAP, A MIGHTY THRONE
WITHIN YOUR SHADOW WHERE I SHONE
The above lines stolen my heart …. It is filled with emotions… really I like it… Thank you for sharing….
Best
Szhzia

[M. L. F.]

Thank you for the time in reading and reviewing my work. I'm glad the feeling resonated with you.
...Misty

[SZHZIA]

It is my pleasure...

[Augustus]

It is an articulation of profound sorrow. I wrote a tribute called "Inadequacy" to my grandfather, who passed away a couple of years ago. So I can partly understand your mindset here.

It is almost a poem of two halves: the first one bright, the second dark. In the first few lines, you have aptly captured those blissful days when you were your "daddy's little princess". The third line, in particular makes quite an impression. I think it is this bright beginning that makes the content of the latter half more poignant. The part about tossing coins to make wishes certainly resonates with the reader. All of us would like to change things about the past, but you have a stronger reason to do so than most of us.

I am terribly sorry for your loss. You have honored his memory with a heartfelt tribute.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you for the review. I am glad that the depth of the emotion came through properly for you on this piece. This poem was cathartic for me, and I just hope it helps others to value the people they love and love the people they value while they are still alive. For we never truly know how long we have with one another...
... Misty

[Augustus]

Very true, Misty. You are welcome!

[Takeshi Yamada]

Misty, I like the rhythm of this piece. The last few lines have a rhythm, almost regal, which reminds me of the last line of Tolkien's poem that ends "In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie." Your piece also taught me the difference between shined and shone. Thank you for that, as well. It's a beautiful piece, tragic though it is. I think your father must be quite proud of you.

[M. L. F.]

Awww... Tashishi.... I LOVE TOLKIEN.... such a compliment. I only wish to one day write half as good as he does. Yes shone is past tense for shine. Someone else asked me that as well, in my own house. Ha. And ... the very last line of this review.. Tears.. I needed nothing more than to hear that, and no one ever says it to me.. But you just did. You have become a great friend and fiction partner in crime, indeed.. :)

[Takeshi Yamada]

My pleasure. The new LotR: Battle for Middle Earth 2 soundtrack you posted on your profile page is great! Thanks for sharing. :)

[M. L. F.]

Yep... I will keep finding more epic music for us writers to feed the beast, and post it on my page! Muahaha... Lol. ;)

[Antoñyo]

Wow, pretty much a personal masterpiece for me, having lost my dad way too early.
Written with brilliance without losing its heart...not everyone can do that.

Thanks for the awesome (100/100) share!

[M. L. F.]

Thank you so much for the wonderful praise. I am so glad it touched you. Your review is moving..

[David Lewis Paget]

Childhood, that magical place we remember and leave behind, that becomes so inaccessible once it's gone. You progress from those bright memories to that dark place where your father lost himself, taking those memories with him. So sad to have to remember both the good and bad in the same vein. Nicely written, it takes the reader with you.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you David..

[V]

Well-written piece when it comes to structure, really nice rhythm. But most important a write that conveys feelings. Of loss, indirect pain but I can also clearly feel the warmth of nice memories. Good one.

[James]

A very sad and mournful piece, but laced with good memories. Wonderful rhyme and full of emotion.

Thank you for sharing this.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you so much.
... Misty

[Avinash]

Sweet, simple and otherwise everyday thing becomes a frequent memory because they are made immortal by the love. Loved it.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you for the kind review.
...Misty

[Avinash]

Sweet, simple and otherwise everyday thing becomes a frequent memory because they are made immortal by the love. Loved it.

[Unknown Poet]

Very touching...this remembers me my elder sister she is no more now... When I was reading this I felt her presence.. Recalling myself when I was young... Thank you for making me to remember her...I miss her

[M. L. F.]

You're very welcome. I think you will see her again one day... Thank you for reading me.
..Misty

[Unknown Poet]

I see her in heaven... I see her in my memories...

[M. L. F.]

As you should... Keep her there always, until you see her again. :)

[Unknown Poet]

My sister has dead my friend...

[M. L. F.]

Yes, I know. I meant to keep her in your memories always..

[Ruth]

From one person who misses her Dad to another...this is understood and felt...beautifully woven love...they are always in the heart....blessings :)