WHILE YOU SLEEP

YOUR HOUSE OF CARDS IS TUMBLING DOWN AND YOU DON’T EVEN SEE

NO CLUE HOW SOON THE FLAMES OF HELL WILL RISE FOR HER IN ME

YOU LAY UNDER YOUR LIES FOR YEARS LIKE SNAKES LIE IN THE GRASS

TO PACIFY YOUR OWN SAD NEEDS YOU POURED YOUR WORLD IN GAS

AND NOW YOU GAZE AND WONDER HOW YOU GOT AWAY UNSCATHED

YET WHILE YOU SLEEP YOUR SINS WILL SEEP LIKE SAND INTO YOUR GRAVE

HER VENGEANCE SHALL CLOSE IN ON YOU LIKE VINES UPON YOUR TOMB

NO LONGER SHALL YOU TWIST AND LIE AND SHEATH YOUR NAME IN BLOOMS

THEN ALL WILL HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IN SHADOWS NEATH THE TREE

YOUR HOUSE OF CARDS IS TUMBLING DOWN AND SOON YOU’RE GOING TO SEE

Author's Note

The joy of renewal and sweet justice... ;) This piece is meant to defend the innocent, think second stanza and "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"... and to shed light on people who commit horrors within their own four walls and think they will get away with it...

"What is done in the darkness will always come to light"

Reviews

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"YET WHILE YOU SLEEP YOUR SINS WILL SEEP LIKE SAND INTO YOUR GRAVE"
How true! A really amazing write this is...
People think they are clever.. That they will get away with everything they do not realizing that when they get it, it hits hard..
I enjoyed reading this ☺

[M. L. F.]

Thank you for the nice review. Glad the piece resonated with you. 😉

[Dr. YumnaKay]

It did. And you are welcome ☺

[.]

Hmmm. Certainly a dedication to "Hell hath no fury"!

The poem exudes a quiet menace, like a knife waiting in the dark, forever patient and waiting for its chance to strike.

The theme is becoming a familiar facet in your body of work; the rise and revenge of the mistreated and innocent, and i guess it has some foundation in your reality. There is always power in seeing the truth and walking away from the demons.

Keep up the good work. There is real power and anger in your words. Poetry is a great way to harness this anger and create something positive and enlightening from the doom and gloom.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you Doodley, for noticing the deep thread of menace and a thriving sense of vigilance for those treated unjustly. You are quite correct in your assessment of my having some personal experience with these subjects, and certainly with the theme. Ever seen a movie where the main character is playing a Mr. Family role? Perfect house, perfect job, perfect husband, perfect dad? Then halfway through the movie the audience learns that the guy is really doing some heinous things... things that would make the news if the family found out and prosecuted him... Well, now you have your clues. Puzzle before you. Poems no longer encrypted. ;) Hell.... is not hot enough for what was happening. Now you may understand the power in the poetry.

I couldn't agree more about the poetry being an effective way of transforming the horror into hope.. If also for others, I hope. ;)

[FIN]

Beautiful work about tearing down an unworthy individual. So far I love your work!

[M. L. F.]

Thank you.. So far I love your compliments *cheesy smile*.. ;)

[M. L. F.]

I will check out some of YOUR work this week. :)

[PhoenixDown]

Well... as I assume... you already know...
you produce such fantastic, such effortless flow
your words are slick, & your lines... they slip, like ice & snow.
& now I know.... as you did warn. This now I do see. An ice-queen without the "queen."
& sorry... I did not mean for that to sound so mean. But now I know your smooth like ice,
that your writes... ...STRIKE! ----like an arrow-to-the-knee.

I dig my friend. A piece like this shows you can write exceptionally well, no matter the matter. The flow and the rhythm are there. The bricks & cement are there. What you build is up to you, & pieces like this prove that. Well done, writer.

Phoenix

[M. L. F.]

Aww, thanks Phoenix. ;) This one deepens the mystery of why I write these, but it's simple, read between the lines. Sometimes we find out we accidentally wed the human embodiment of evil itself... Ah, breathes deep sigh.... F R E E D O M... inhales deep. ;)

Glad you liked it, Phoenix.

..Misty

[PhoenixDown]

Absolutely. A theme I am familiar with and love.

Of course.

[Kinsey]

Always nice to see the a******s get what they deserve... Even if it takes more time than we'd like.

[M. L. F.]

Couldn't have said it better myself.. ;)

[Bala Gorthi]

What to say ! I very well endorse what you have written here.
I wrote a prose piece sometime back, that writing gave me some peace when I was tormented. People who do not go out and take revenge, they take refuge in such curses. The innocent ones always want justice from the heavens which they express in this form.
The ached hearts survive on this hope. Your poem offers that hope. Your poem came out loud for all those who have suffered silently, but want some punishment to their wrong doers.
I particularly loved these lines apart from the last one:
YET WHILE YOU SLEEP YOUR SINS WILL SEEP LIKE SAND INTO YOUR GRAVE
HER VENGEANCE SHALL CLOSE IN ON YOU LIKE VINES UPON YOUR TOMB
NO LONGER SHALL YOU TWIST AND LIE AND SHEATH YOUR NAME IN BLOOMS
I absolutely loved this amazing write.
Thanks for sharing this !!!

[M. L. F.]

Revelation6:9 & 10...... "

"And when the Lamb opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the testimony they had upheld. 10 And they cried out in a loud voice, “How long, O Lord, holy and true, until You judge those who live on the earth” and avenge our blood."

As you stated almost fits this verse to a T. This is a theme that runs through the bible as well. It is God's hope that all should see the error of their ways and repent, but to those who do not, the karma theme is clear. I think verses like these should give comfort to those worried their assailants will walk free. What doesn't meet them on earth, will certainly be waiting above. ;)
Thank you so much for "getting" the point of the piece.

Misty..

[Manu]

Justice will Prevail but it takes its own time for it. Beautifully crafted :-)
The law of 'Karma' is very difficult to decipher. I have seen people who have committed sins for their own selfish desires and live without any remorse and guilt. Most of their lives they live as if they have done nothing wrong. It must be painful for innocent souls to watch this injustice.
This poem gives hope to those suffering innocent beings :-)
I really loved the way you wrote this Poem. It is motivational and gives a feeling of "All is well if the end is well. This spreads positivity around.
A very beautiful write. Keep it up :-)

[M. L. F.]

Most people say this piece sounds more like a ritual curse, which is what the guy deserves, to be honest, and makes me laugh a bit as gypsies fascinate me, from a fictional perspective at least. :) But thank you for seeing the end goal. To write a piece with a message that either in this life, or the afterlife, the evil will not go unpunished. And to tell this to the innocent is so important so that they may take comfort in that fact..... Thank you for reading between the lines and seeing the message of hope hidden in my little "ritual gypsy curse".. ;)

..Misty

[William Liston]

I like the aggressive, somewhat cocky tone you've used in this; it really gave this piece a raw feeling and added a genuine personal touch. I found this piece both humorous and haunting at the same time ... humorous because I always think it's funny when "the bad guy gets what's coming to him" and haunting because of the utter rage and vengeance you've expressed ... you captured those emotions quite well. I especially enjoyed the line "Her vengeance shall close in on you like vines upon your tomb" ... something about the imagery in that line really grabbed me. As always, I applaud the attention you've paid to rhythm and rhyme in this piece. The quote "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" was a nice touch in your author's note.

You did great with this piece.

- William Liston

[M. L. F.]

I love this review William. :) You really got the visuals and the voice clearly. I like all my work to be very visual. I also do photography, and I think writing can, and should also create a vivid image only with words, which is a bit trickier. I laughed so hard at the "bad guys get it" remark... Genius. And... me too. ;) Glad the vines line reached you. It's my fave too, because my daughter deserves the justice. :) Thanks for taking the time to read and review the piece Sir Liston.
..Misty

[Danny Coykendall]

Very strong poem. I enjoyed it! Powerfully gripping. Keep on writing! :)

[M. L. F.]

Thank you Danny.. I'm glad you liked it. :)
..Misty

[Ruth]

You take karma to a new level here. I found the whole piece intensely palpable and it left me with many emotions. Brilliantly done love and I love the music to accompany it :)

[M. L. F.]

Thanks Poppy. I am glad you liked it. :) The music is great right? It's not like something you would listen to often, but I am finishing up a story set in the early 1900's, fog, top hats, and stagecoaches. It has a certain charm then, trust me. ;)

..Misty