My Morning Epiphany

        So far, this year has shown me who to choose in life. After years of maybe crushes and almost lovers, I have discovered what I should have done. With the on and off high school boy, I shouldn't have kept him around. The lanky, sexual football player, I should have said stop. The friend that shouldn't have turned into anything more, I should have denied his questions. And the beautifully literate man, I should have asked what was going on.  

I wish I came to this realization sooner than when 7am came around and I was staring up at my white blank ceiling. I didn't need any of them. Well, maybe the beautifully literate one was necessary for me to learn more about what I want in life. That's just it. It's not what anyone else wants or needs in my life. I come first. Not the other way around. I shouldn't have to put up with a boy whining about why I don't like him, a jock trying to feel me up every other second, a friend forcing himself into thinking he likes me, and a man who was never mine to begin with.

I deserve what's best for me and so far I'm not doing well. I don't deserve to be second best next to the men in my life, dad. I deserve a good father at the moment and you're not doing a very good job. Choosing a mistress over us. It didn't start a few months ago, this was going on for two years. The year I graduated was the year you started to have feelings for this home wrecker. Yes, I did my research. I won't end up like my mother, even though she's the strongest woman I know. I'd have kicked you out the moment I found out if it was up to me. My mom is a saint compared to most people I know but don't you dare mess with her. She'll make your life hell.

I've concluded that I'm not hanging around for this s**t anymore. If you're going to mean something in my life, there's no half way in. It's all or nothing because I'm sick of being taken advantage of. I'm going to be better than my mom. I'm going to be better than the girls you all crawl back to who keep your beds warm for a few months and desert you. I'm going to be the one you wish you had the chance to call lover, girlfriend, wife, maybe even the light of your life. Have a nice life with the ones I came in second to.

Reviews

[Goblin Shark]

You DO deserve the best for you. And you ARE doing fine. Imagine all the people who haven"t had their eyes open like you. But you need these set back to propel you forward (just as it's doing now). You must make the wrong choices to understand the right ones. And don't hold onto anger. Release it for your sake. Good morning, Natasha.