Families Forgive

                    I remember it all as if it was yesterday and it might as well have been. Since five months doesn't seem like forever ago and the wound is still open. Stitched, but open. Somedays it feels like the scar on my stomach, because half the time it's only an itch. The other half burns. I can feel the burning by my heart and in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't shocking so much as a bad dream.

                    No child thinks they're parents would ever break up. It's beyond logic to them as it should be. When you're five you think your parents had their happy ending and will love each other forever. It makes perfect sense until you realize how unreal that expectation is.

                    It turned out my dad fell for a muscular, raunchy 44 year old brunette with a nose ring. She also happened to be married with kids and grandchildren. My mom was furious when she found out her name and everything about her. My brother and I did the only thing we could. We got angry. We were angry that we weren't worth more than the other woman. That he chose her over the three of us. I wanted to hate him but it just wasn't possible.

                  I was watching something on the tv the other day and a few lines caught my attention. "No matter what else he is, he's your father. Now, you're not responsible for the things he did. But you can't change the fact that to you... he's still your dad." "I just feel like he's winning if I don't hate him." "There's no winning. There's just living. Moving forward. And if you keep doing that, you'll be all right." They hit home more than I care to admit. They made me realize there's no point in being angry about something I have no control over.

               So I might think my life's a little fucked up right now but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. The way I look at things now have change and I kind of like it. I'm finding out more about myself than I thought I already knew. Maybe I should thank him for starting all of this madness because I think I'm turning out better than before. And my friends and family might say horrible things about him but none of it matters. He's my dad and he always will be. You can't change genetics, but you can learn to live with the outcomes of them. I guess I can say yesterday did me a lot of favors five months ago and I have to be grateful for that because I still have my family, even if it is a little deformed.