Dreams

Blech? A blerb.

I will be where the clouds breathe air into my lungs,

And the blue skies melt into the fiery horizons.

I will calm my heart beat with the warm salty air,

Born from the silver waters that mother a million.

I will bury my mortality in the velvet sand,

And remain immortal in the whispering waves.

I will make a name for myself and carve it in the wet cliff sides,

And my voice will ring with the clouds for eternity.

I will watch the burning embers sink into the ocean,

And then blink back at the shimmering skies.

I will bathe myself under the flawless moon of silky cream,

Like the skin of a wanton lover at the peak of her infidelity.

I will be where the wispy clouds melt into dreams,

And the satin skies rob me of my sanity.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Mike Espinosa]

This is a good poem. Your imagery is very good. and your simile at the end was fantastic. Only a few stylistic problems.

"Heart beat" should be one word.

"I will make a name for myself and carve it in the wet cliff sides," doesn't need a comma for this context. Really, any line that has a comma before "And" probably doesn't need a comma. They don't seem to be complex-enough statements to necessitate a comma.

Very good job.

[Glenn McCrary�]

This is really good. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Sunflower/Sara Kendrick]

Interesting metaphoric language that you have used in this one..Keep the creative pen flowing filled with the great magical ink..Sunflower/Sara

[Alicante lullaby]

satin skies might have robed you of your sanity but they blessed you with words.

[blob blob]

Nice line---
"I will bury my mortality in the velvet sand,
And remain immortal in the whispering waves."
---the imagery is wonderful in this piece...
...great poem...

[Victoria]

I loved this!!!

[Jason Ellis]

I saw the universe through your eyes in this one.
Every move you made, I made with you.
Every breath you took, it filled my lungs.
The imagery brought me into your world and it begged me not to leave.
You captured me from the beginning and held me until the end.

As Mike said, "heart beat" should be a compound word.
He is also correct about the comma usage, but that doesn't bother me.
I do the same thing when I write.
It makes for better writing, in my opinion.
It lets the reader know where you wanted them to pause when they read it. It makes it more your own.
Regardless of a couple of minor technical issues, this is superb.
I absolutely loved it.
Fantastic job!

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

The imagery in this one was perfect. You really captured the feel and emotion of each landscape and thought; each emotion. I am really enjoying getting to see and read your works. Excellent job. Beautifully captured upon the written page.

[Warick Ten Bohmer]

Very very well written

Favourite line to take out of context
"carve it in the wet cliff sides" ;)

[Crowley]

This is my favorite that you have written to date, it was smooth and creamy with a hint of surreality. Where else can all the things that we wish were true come to us without a perceived repercussion...only here my friend. Nice job.