Loud Silence/Fip-Key

blah idk which title to pick.

The echo of colorful footsteps collided with the soft buzz of hushed whispers and restless movements; the rustling of papers, and the rare hiccup bouncing off the dull floors. A far-away-high-pitched whine of the machinery grinding away wearily, in the walls, added to the surreal reality of the silence. People begin to melt into each other until they are all just one three dimensional abstract painting; all eyes are on themselves. An occasional giggle rises, only to fall back into the giant mound that was once people. The occasional clicking of heels, danced with a crisp sureness, to the tapping of a key board. Sometimes even the flip of another page, of an endless text, rippled off the high ceilings. The rhythmic melody of a pulse, laced with the quiet sounds of a busy kitchen, fills the vast emptiness in between.

Warm rich scents of bitter coffee, and whipped toppings seep into me. The echo of descending heels, and the scraping of worn lead, against fresh paper creates a sense of falling. Nothing seems to live but me and everything. A closing door’s soft thud, and the creaking of old hinges sets me afloat; hovering over the thin line separating black unconsciousness from evasive dreams. But as pins and needles begin their assault on my limbs, I unwillingly resurface, feeling only cool consciousness now; a new world. The thin line of thick strength threatens to violate my senses again, leaving my subconscious to crave that sentimental silence once more; that loud silence.

Author's Note

let me know

Reviews

[Fuzzy_Poluzah]

I'm lovin' it!

I'm talkin about the story btw! :D

[Prodigo]

colorful footsteps, hmm. I dunno if I like that. The second paragraph is redeeming, nicely done. You finished strong but there are a few words I would change because they don't keep the melody going. "Violate my senses" we all write cliches from time to time, but a lot of your verbs and adverbs seem rushed. First thought, so to speak. It's clever but there are some issues with consistency in syntax. Though, you should know that the best part of this is the interesting way you approached this. Better word choice and this could be really powerful.

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Adora,

You have an interesting piece her my friend, a very keen sense of boredom. Probably not what you are looking for but I picture a person just taking in everything around them and completely falling into the mundane.

excellent work.

Regards,

Matthew

[Liza]

delightfully dimensional
sensationally sweet and soothing

[David W Moore III]

A lot of contrast in here. I use it myself sometimes - my favorite line I have ever written is:
Waves rush in shouting their silent song of persistence.
Business out of the way first - minor issue - far-away-high-pitched has to many hyphens (faraway is a word on its own)
As for the rest. Quite captivating, The mound of people melded together was a rich painting in my mind.
Well done.
David