Battle of the Sexes - CPC (Feat. Projekt Natal, Pips Ahoy, Kitty Kay)A Poem by Christopher Robin Boys vs. Girls the Rap Battle is ON! WARNING: Explicit language and adult themes. WARNING: It's SATIRE. Battle of the Sexes �" CPC (Feat Projekt Natal, Pips Ahoy, Kitty Kay) (Occasionally, and terribly, Robin performs as his rap persona ‘CPC’. One night many moons ago 2 guys and 2 girls sat about a Macbook and a microphone in VERY altered states of mind. It dawned on me that it would be a fantastic idea to do no more than an hour’s writing and then to have a rap battle on the microphone, guys vs. girls. The condition was that it had to be funny, crude, or both. This is the result. Please understand this piece is satire, it in no way reflects any of our actual views on men and women. Each performer wrote their own piece, I wrote the chorus, Pips did all the music)
CPC Yeah girl I see you scoping me Hoping I’ll be open And Joking to your cronies Too bold to just approach me It’s old girl you’re a phony You sold yourself ‘a trophy’ It’s gold but damn it’s lonely Your soul is getting stony. And s**t it hurts to see That skirt above your knees You flirt ‘till it’s obscene It’s the curse of the defeated. You dirty little teaser The thirty guys you’re pleasin’ Are certainly a reason To spurn your self-esteem. I’ll locate you at the bar And debate if I should start To placate you into asking to date me It’s a masterful play see I’ve been tasked by my mates To try to pass through your gates And if your arse weren’t so great I’d just depart and escape But I’m an artist so wait I’ll be a martyr today And try to barter my way Inside your fathers new place I’ll play it smart but insane And in the dark I’ll explain I’m like a shark with a brain Leave you retarded for days. Make you a target for pain Until you’re barking like strays Give you a mask for your face And tie your arms in a brace Watch all your class and your grace Become a farce and a fake Never imparted your name You’re just a blasted mistake,
CHORUS Yo Guys? Yeah? We know the fire in your eyes Is just a lie in disguise Don’t even try to deny it We’ll watch you cry and we’ll like it. Yo Girls? Yeah? Well we’re alertly observing How all your words are determined By what’s inferred by uncertainty And your worthless modernity.
PROJEKT NATAL Bitchin’ about baggage boys can’t handle real girls Acting stupid acting savage thinking they control the world. So if you think your smile will gain you access just forget it, Don’t patronize me baby ‘cos I’m smarter than you credit. When I open up my mouth I’m running rings around your brain My conversation will leave you weak and begging �" totally insane. ‘Cos all I wanna do tonight is play a game with you Relishing your ‘rep’ in ruins is a righteous revenue. You think you’ve got it made you’ve got a way with the ladies, But I’m here to show your so called ‘charm’ ain’t contagious. Make you think I wanna get hot and heavy on the floor, All sweet sexy smiles let you think you’ll have it all. With these I return your words and turn you down, Now shown as a sleaze you slink away without a sound. I’ll bring you back to basics in front of your boys, To reinforce the fact that real girls aren’t toys.
PIPS AHOY I said women ain’t nothin’ but b*****s and hoe’s, I can relate to that cos I’ve met me my fair share of those. For every one in a million that makes you feel like a king, There’s nine hundred million others to whom you don’t mean a thing. They’ll say that you make their day Then they’ll play you and make you pay Then they’ll turn and they’re on their way A ‘goodbye’ is just a delay. Final play if I may Is to say your memory decays There’s no saving of face, Running but losing the race. Believe me, I don’t wanna see you back here again There’s nothing that you could say, that could ever make amends. I chose when it started, I’ll decide how it ends, Never again be somebody on whom I can depend. ‘Cos it only leads to lies, which only leads to the games, Which only leads to me cringing whenever I hear your name So don’t open your mouth, don’t wanna hear a damn thing, And if you do you’re out the window like a bird on the wing. Don’t wanna hear the boring reasons why you came here alone, I’d rather buy myself a drink and then go jack off at home. Because I love the simplicity, And the lack of publicity, And avoiding the proximity of your heartless toxicity. ‘Cos in my mind you don’t talk, And in my mind you don’t think, And in my mind I don’t have to buy you one single drink. So out my head you will stay, don’t try to break in this way Nah not today just shut your mouth and get your clothes out the way.
CHORUS Yo Guys? Yeah? We know the fire in your eyes Is just a lie in disguise Don’t even try to deny it We’ll watch you cry and we’ll like it. Yo Girls? Yeah? Well we’re alertly observing How all your words are determined By what’s inferred by uncertainty And your worthless modernity.
KITTY KAY You call me a s**t because I like to get laid And you say I’m a w***e but I’ve never been paid. So I’ll take it in my stride because I know you’re just jealous, If you were gay you’d never get this many fellas. Yet it guys like you who create girls like me, F**k with our minds and hearts to lose all self-esteem. So the cycle keeps on going as the girls sleep around ‘Cos you boys just don’t like us ‘till we’re laying on the ground. And then we ‘break the hearts’ of the boys who had a little bit of soul, But we don’t realize ‘till we’re actually told. So the boys lose everything that made them so sweet, ‘Till we’re all cold-hearted fuckheads trying to find some heat. The next time you judge a girl take a minute to think And stop acting like your s**t don’t stink. Because you and your ‘boys’ are probably the reason She seeks constant self -assurance and a bit of pleasin’ So I’m done with my rhyme, and I’ll get off my high horse, I’m just sick of seeing this bullshit run its course. Just remember that your mum, cousins, sisters too Have to put up with dickhead guys who are just �"like �"you.
CHORUS Yo Guys? Yeah? We know the fire in your eyes Is just a lie in disguise Don’t even try to deny it We’ll watch you cry and we’ll like it. Yo Girls? Yeah? Well we’re alertly observing How all your words are determined By what’s inferred by uncertainty And your worthless modernity.
© 2014 Christopher RobinAuthor's Note
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Christopher RobinMelbourne, Caulfield, AustraliaAboutChris, almost 28, live in Melbourne, love reading, writing, gaming. I like to have fun with words. I'd also like to raise the bar a little when it comes to publishing online 'literature'. I hope you b.. more..Writing
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