Be gone.

This is not what I want.

I can feel it comming,

there's nothing I can do.

I'm helpless,

I should have prevented this.

 

It spreads from my chest,

from my heart.

Following down my veins,

and my arteries.

 

Fire!

Thats all I can say,

the only way to describe it.

 

Searing rushing fire.

Pumped to my head.

I cannot think clearly.

There is only fire.

 

This is my anger.

I wish it away.

I say,

                                      "Be gone"

 

Sometimes it does go away,

sometimes it doesn't.

Author's Note

First angsty poem, let me know what you think.

Reviews

[r]

The anger didn't feel real, but I do like it. The imagery is very nice.

[Warick Ten Bohmer]

Well some firsts are just unforgettable and amazing, others well they are a first and as such can have plenty of room for improvement.

Plenty of constructive advice below so I'll hope to see the next angsty poem being allot more powerful.

[J.S. Pua]

I have to agree with what the others said on this one..
The anger didn't feel real for me..

good write..
not bad..
not great..

[Bridget Mcmaken]

It's not a bad poem but it don't seem to show any real anger in it. Though I do like it.

[Alice_In_WhateverLand]

the last couple of stanza's didnt fit. i agree, it's not angry enough for me. You need to describe the fire, with more anger/passion. I do like it, maybe you could re edit and make it a bit longer, and add a single sentence that is strongly wishing it away instead of using "be gone". It will give more impact :) x

[Arctic Fox]

Well you don't seem the angry type and this poem shows it. LOL Your poem is not angsty enough to be angsty for me, but it was well written. "Be Gone" throws off the structure

[Ashley.M.E]

This poem is also relaly good... other then the "Be gone" I believe you did that on purpose, but it takes away from the look of the poem... at least for me.

[DeadToTheWorld]

very interesting write :) I liked it