Prolouge.

From a book i'm writing. I want votes on wether I should print it or keep it to myself. P.s I have have additional rights on this writing.

This story starts with a traditional cliché of once upon a time a long, long time ago there was a village called Praelfrow that lay in the country Alazura. There was a mysterious forest to its north while a river lay to its west. It had many fields and farmers to the east with a mill. In the centre of the village was the marketplace that swapped and sold the village’s goods. To the north of the village was their smith, to the south the butchers and an Inn to the west. All the houses were the same stone and mud with good strong wood that acted as a frame. The roofs were stitched with straw and waxed cloth.

It was a fierce night as the wind billowed and thick grey clouds showered the small village with snow. William Sage, the owner of the Unicorn inn, was escorting a friend home to a scalding wife. On his way back to the inn he spotted a motionless figure lying in the snow in the middle of the street. There was something red sprayed visibly against the white snow. He slowly approached with a twinge of unease to the motionless silhouette. As he came closer he saw it was only a small girl who appeared no more than ten summers old. She was carrying a sword and its sheath. William was sure he had never seen her in Praelfrow before, he’d never seen anyone with  hair that colour. It reminded him of a roaring fire they sometimes had on cold nights back at the Inn. He decided that it would be best to take her indoors before she froze. He picked her up carefully and headed back to the unicorn inn. As soon as he got there he took her to a spare room followed by his wife Kathryn Sage.  The room was small, containing a Chester draw, a single window and a humble bed. He laid her on the bed. Kathryn sat on the end of the bed and checked her temperature. The girl was as cold as ice. Kathryn went and fetched extra blankets. Once she had gotten the girl comfortable her green eyes laid on the sword, which William had placed in the corner by the window. She met William’s chestnut eyes and asked,

“Who is she and were did she come from?” William only shrugged his shoulders

They stayed with her until she woke up asking a dozen questions all at once. Kathryn hushed her gently then asked,

“What is your name?” The girl thought for a second then said quietly,

“Zara.” Her eyes were the most startling grey. She was dressed only in rags. Just a shirt and trousers. Kathryn glimpsed something on her right hand. As far as she could tell it was a it was just a large birthmark. Odd as it was to find this strange girl in their village, Kathryn saw that the birthmark resembled  strongly of a four-pointed star. A bit too strongly, maybe, just to be something so ordinary. She took her eyes away quickly before the noticed.

“Who and where are your parents?” Asked Kathryn. The girl looked even more puzzled.

“I can’t remember.”

“Is Zara your first name?” The girl nodded. “What is your last name?”

“I don’t know.” The girl replied simply.

  “You could stay here for the night if you like.”  Offered Kathryn. Zara nodded her head wearily as she lay slowly back into the soft pillow. That night she fell to sleep into a dream with bright lights and whispers, a dream that she forgot over time. 

They searched for her parents for days but they never found them and Zara never remembered any thing from her past but her name. So after a few months they stopped searching. William and Kathryn decided to adopt her temporarily until her parents stepped forward. The only things she had from the past was a sword with a picture of a white bird spreading out his wings on the handle on both sides. She also had a birthmark the shape of a four-pointed star on the back of her right hand.  

Reviews

[aspiring-novelist-angel]

I think it's great and it has a very good story-line. You should really continue this.
I have just a few suggestions, I hope they help, : you don't have to add unnecessary detail : for eg, "followed by his wife Kathryn Sage". You have already told us the husband's surname so you don't need to tell us hers.
Also when you say: "was escorting a friend home to a scalding wife" ask yourself if it is important that we know the friend has a scalding wife. If it isn't an important detail about this unknown friend, then you don't have to add it in.
There are just a few grammer errors, but that's not really a problem. Also remember that you don't have to point out the obvious, readers prefer you to show them instead of tell them.
I think it's very good so far and you are very talented. You have an interesting style of writing. Don't forget to make the first few sentences in a story the most interesting so that you pull the reader in. Sometimes it helps to start with a gripping scene. Good luck

[r]

I like it so far. It's really good, and I, for one, think you should print it. Why let something so good go to waste? ^^ I want to hear more about Zara.