Amber Smiles

Just a quick random poem i wrote in business class

Amber Smiles

The sky turns to ashes

The grass stems grow dry

The air as thick as her lashes

 

Amber Smiles

And by now im ice cold

absence is everthing

All new becomes old

 

Amber Smiles

My world fades to black

light brushes nothing

no love returns back

 

Amber Smiles

My heart is molten lead

My mind still alive

although im as good as dead

 

Amber Smiles

Her blood-red lips are sin

Her eyes a coal-colored night

No light dares to peek in

 

Amber Smiles

She slips the knife from my side

I collapse to the ground

Her smile is her goodbye

Reviews

[Tunder]

This is beyond beautiful. The entire poem is a contradiction. You describe a desolate landscape in the first stanza, as well as a girl with thick eyelashes and a smile. You continue to do this throughout, leaving your reader with a sense of suspense that is quite thrilling! The rhythm is amazing and the rhymes aren't stressed or forced. You hint at the end with many lines such as, "although im as good as dead". The ending is brilliant and leaves the reader thinking, which one can argue is the concept of literature. Why did the narrator find this girl so beautiful, even though she was a twisted killer? Why is she killing him? You created a character in a short poem, truly an accomplishment. I can't wait to see more of you work, keep writing! :) ~Tunder~ 100/100

[RavenWells]

Beautiful poem you have here. I loved the imagery that the lines brought to mind. Nice job. :)