Searching self

Torn down stripped back
weak flesh peeled away from bone
those strong bones that house the marrow of me
it took years to pop those blisters
slice through that scar tissue and
feel around inside for me, whatever me was left
whatever part was real
the piece that shrunk with every lie
and every kiss and whisper
that pushed me down and deeper
into shame and doubt
Just about invisible

so sure that if you shook me I would rattle
but you touched me like I’d break
stared into me with honest eyes
told me secrets and wrapped your arms around my waist
like I was someone. Like I was worth something
and in that moment all
the skin I’d cut so tenderly
ached that ache, right beneath my heart
that thing I couldn’t cut out
and then I left you.

Exposed. It took them minutes to break me down
days to dig my depths
 hours to find my weak spots
about a month to make me stop pretending
really strip me back to nothing. It’s over
now and I’m clean for once
I have no secrets, I have no shame
I’m alone , still bleeding but born again

Guess I’m grateful

Guess I’m empty, each thing will build or break me now 

Reviews

[SilentVerses]

Beautiful tale, such honest raw resentment, and yet juxtaposed with this the feeling of a gratitude born from not knowing the outcome of such harsh actions, what sorrow lies within the words and yet a violence hidden beneath the harrowing and haunting experience, through your imagery there dances a mischievous clone of emotions taunting and pulling at the ropes around your frame and as the marble comes away in pieces you are left naked and as you try desperately to cover the scars of your past shining through the shame begins to unfurl and as petals of a flower the abasement is shed and there lies a child of innocence devoid of a self a chalice to be filled, whether with a hate or a love the choice is out of the hand of the vase. Love it.

[Hanna McGivern]

Wow this is such a powerful poem!! Its really raw which I love. I think people can shy away from the harshness that people can keep locked inside themselves and I really love that you have let it all out, the honesty is appreciated. I love the juxtaposition of the gratitude and the fragility of your character.

[Chris]

Came and re-read... you have HEART... and it shows.

[_mal]

It's a really strange feeling reading some of this s**t again. Thank you so much for your words over the years

[Chris]

you've grown and become quite a person Mal

[Patricia B. Hepler]

To expose your inner self is to commit soul suicide..? Or gives birth to a new, healthier you?

Yes.
Powerful emotion. Impressive feelings, excellent write. ~pat

[...]

i cannot begin to tell you
how much these words move me
i can relate to everything here
the road to recovery is not easy
but you are a hero, an inspiration for me

[Pretty Faces Split Open]

Love it !
"so sure that if you shook me I would rattle
but you touched me like I’d break"
is so beautiful

[Chris]

What is risked when we let ourselves care?
...just ourselves

Chris

[Hotwater]

Good work, deep thoughts at the beginning all full of 'hate'?... 'sorrow'

and then the 'new' you... all set to go again.

*bird*

[John Stussy]

Being laid bare in such a manner seems utterly cruel to me, though many would say that for honesty's sake one would be better off being subject to such... torture. In my eyes, all have secrets, and to shake someone of theirs and maintain that you yourself hold none as a statute of honesty makes those who do so more monstrous than the keepers of the most horrible secrets. Despite what one may say we all possess knowledge of unknown deeds and thoughts. They often remain unknown for a reason, secrets aren't all that bad. Again, well written poem. I've gotten to thinking now. :)