It's only me today!

She believed her boyfriend is the only world she belongs to but what if somebody snatches her world.

                       It’s only me today.

I was thinking consistently about what happened a few hours ago. I was confused, sad & hurt. In order to divert my mind I looked out of the window from my seat, the train was not so fast and  I could see people moving, boarding & departing but even the hustle & bustle of surrounding did not help. I was still stuck into one thought-“Vartika”.

           Suddenly interrupting my thoughts Arsh came down from his seat to mine carrying a blanket. It was freezing cold during Jan in Kota.We covered ourselves with one blanket & as usual sat very close to each other. Train journeys have always stimulated our love, but this time even the closeness or his touch didn’t overwhelm me. I was still lost trying to figure out the series of events which happened today, our last day in Kota & of course the day when I first met Vartika.

          It was long back in 2011,the days we were busy preparing for IIT JEE.Being in XII Std. we could count on fingers, the number of days left for exam, but for me & Arsh, our love knew no boundaries, we spent every moment together,24*7 we were with each other, either entering illegally into each other’s hostel or over the phone. We were living the best moments of our love life and for me ,Arsh was not the best boyfriend but he was my soul mate(I believed that.) I always had a carefree attitude when he said me he keeps on flirting with different girls. I knew him since years so I never cared , I knew whatever he did, he would be loyal to me. I was not like those stereotyped over possessive girlfriends (at least I tried always).Two months before we had to leave Kota,he introduced a girl named Vartika in our conversation. Since we both studied in different coaching institutes(it was my brother’s idea to keep us away and help us study) so I never happened to know his friends till he said himself. He kept on appreciating Vartika a lot that night by calling her beautiful, sweet, amazing & the long list of adjectives went on till I decided to hang up and sleep. I was a bit jealous after listening about her but I never revealed it. After that day it became his daily agenda either to meet her or talk to her and the way Arsh elaborated things to me I always felt something fishy. I was disturbed a lot and after having multiple thoughts I decided to confess to him that I can’t take this girl anymore and something is wrong with her. I spoke to him about this and all that he reacted was saying me I was over thinking.

        The very next day he called me saying Vartika wants to meet me. I was confused that why is she interested in me? Since Arsh insisted me, I agreed to meet her. He directed Vartika over the phone to my hostel. As she reached I took her to my room. I would like to confess that yes, she was very pretty and I was very very jealous. How would have I digested the fact that my boyfriend was hanging around with someone who was much more hot and beautiful than me (I am not hot, I don’t even know how to become one.).She handed me a pack of chocolates and ice cream and I was impressed that she did her full homework before meeting me as what she brought belonged to my list of favorites. I was still confused how to start with her and why did she intend to meet me? Before I could initiate Arsh called me up to ask what’s going on ? (He is always restless whenever I meet his so called girl-friends.)After I hung up giving him few details I looked back at my guest. She instantly raised a question, “Do you love him truly”? I was startled by her question, with no second thoughts, I uttered, “A lot”. I didn’t know exactly what happened but tears ran down her face and she ran away from my room. I was blank to understand, what wrong did I just say? I called her, switched off it said. I called Arsh, he was furious and yelled at me saying I must have done something. I managed to find out her hostel address and went there. But she hadn’t reached. I waited there and then went back. At around 11 pm that time Arsh called me and said to calm down as everything was fine. I asked him about her reaction at my place and he said that she remembered something and couldn’t control her emotions so she left and then my dearest boyfriend changed the topic. My first thought at this was, dude seriously you think I am so stupid that I will believe you with this? Truly speaking, I did believe him.

        After few days Vartika again met me and extended a hand for friendship and after my room incident I always wished to keep an eye on her so I happily accepted the proposal. We were normal girlfriends and I never got a clue against her and after some days I even stopped investigating. Soon came the time to leave Kota and Arsh said me Vartika wanted to join us till the station. At that point of time I had no issues with her, I agreed.

        She came to my hostel early morning with a box in her hand. I enquired about it and she said it is for Arsh. After the adieus section with my lovely friends, I, along with Vartika and her friend left for the station. In half an hour we reached and met Arsh, he informed us that the train is late by an hour. So we made ourselves comfortable and began chit-chat. After sometime Vartika opened the box she had. It contained Arsh’s one of the favorite sweet dish which she prepared all by herself last night (I didn’t even know to make tea at that time .)She started spoon feeding him and I was fuming inside watching their stupid romance. After this irritating session started the photo session but we ended up soon (Thank god it did.) as the train arrived. We boarded with our luggage and 5-7 mins before the train was about to leave Arsh boarded off the train saying me he needs on check on Vartika as the station is not safe for girls. I was now in doubt by his this behavior as he had never cared so much for any girl so I moved towards the train’s window. I stood blank, I saw that he hugged Vartika very tightly, she was crying like hell and he was trying hard to console her. As the train signaled he came back. I asked him, all okay? He answered instantly, yes, he couldn’t find her as she left. Damm it !! He lied on my face. I always believed he is honest to me. I was out of my senses to react. His lie confirmed me that yes something was surely too wrong. His lie gave me an assurance about what I thought from the very first day for both of them, they were having an affair, Arsh was cheating on me! I was heartbroken but I did not want to jump to conclusions, I was still thinking and all I could understand was they both had put up a show in front of me to make me believe they were ‘just friends’. I was not in a situation to ask anything to him, I feared of losing him and I couldn’t afford that. He meant the world to me (He still means.).

         After our journey completed we reached our respective homes, I spoke least to Arsh as I wanted to focus on JEE but I was never able to come out of those flashes of how both of them hugged each other. It was killing me from inside.

            We started to have fights on small issues which resulted into a huge one that day. He was screaming at me for no reason and I was no victim. I too yelled at him. He said he wanted to confess something as this could only end our fights.

      The confession was enough to ruin my heart into millions of pieces, I am still gathering those parts to regain myself. He said me that he and Vartika went for a movie and he doesn’t know that the situation excited him or she being close to him did but he kissed her! He kissed her for long and now he feels that he is in love with Vartika.

      I was completely lost hearing his words. I couldn’t believe what he just said ,he loved her? Then who am I? What about me? Since 4 years he said me he loved me and now he loves someone else. What? Really? I was out of my mind. He said I am his best friend and he cares for me and whatever I decide he will accept. I was furious at his statements. Did he realize what he spoke now? How can I decide? In fact what am I supposed to decide? I love him madly. How can he even say that, to decide he should choose me or her? I just kept my fingers  crossed believing it’s a dream. But no. This was the truth. My Arsh kissed somebody else. He loves somebody else. I cried, I cried hard. I shivered badly with even a thought of them lip locking. I was lost.

       I was at home so I had to compose myself but my nights were scary. I cried daily, I cursed myself, why did I love him? I stopped speaking to everyone. I wanted to speak to Arsh but I didn’t know what. I wanted him to know my love is unconditional, I will accept him if he says he did a mistake with Vartika and he doesn’t love her but me. My mind was under the control of every moment spent with him, the first time he proposed me, he kissed me, everything. I just closed my eyes thinking it will change after I woke up. But nothing happened. He was gone. He was gone forever. I kept crying, I kept hurting myself. I never had any reason to love him, I still don’t have. But I love him madly. I am still ready to forgive him. I am still waiting.