A Journey through time

Understanding Alzheimer's is tough for most. Instead of trying to understand it and letting the person who has it live with it is a whole different approach into the dream world of dementia.

I watched my mom go through the different stages of Alzheimer’s. For four years, I was her caregiver and as hard as it is to watch, I understand the journey. I also know many people who have parents going into the abyss of dementia. Yes, it is painful but one thing that helps is to have a sense of humor.  I can hear people say this is not a funny subject. I say “why not?” The person who has this awful illness does not know they have it and if you are trying to explain it to them, you created the problem.

 

Why not just enjoy the moments you have and create new memories for yourself.  Do not be afraid to take them down a new memory lane, let them be that person they are becoming. Remember, life is only for a little while. This person will still be your parent, they may not remember you as their child but you can become a new friend. How or what the memory really doesn’t matter. What matters is you have something for yourself. When this person is with you tomorrow, everything starts over for them. In their mind there is no yesterday because it is gone. So for your own sanity, take pictures or videos or record the conversations on a voice-recording device. Try to see this new person as who they are, not what you think they should be. They will change and as much as you are unhappy about this, this is just the way it is. 

 

It will be very hard. No person wants to let go of someone who was not just a parent, but also the person who was everything, including a good friend. However, in this persons mind, you will eventually become a stranger. You may also become a person from their past. It really does not matter. What matters is you care enough to care.

 

Visit with them often. Many times family members will leave Mom or Dad in one of these homes because of fear of not being able to care for them. They may not come to visit for long strands of time. As true as this is, I found it very hurtful. By visiting, you are able to see the caregivers as not just employees of a home or institution, but as a loving and caring person who knows how to take care of your parent. When you visit, you also get to see the work involved and it is ok to help feed your parent. I sometimes would help feed someone else. I was sitting there so why not. These caregivers are over worked. They will appreciate the help. You also get to make everyone just a little bit happier.  The person you help has no idea who you are but you get to speak and possibly learn something from a stranger.

Remember, Alzheimer’s may mean the end of life to a family member, but it can also be the beginning of an incredible journey of love.