The Dead Rabbit Cycle

The burning sensations

Of indavidualistic times

We hope to come about

Such a curious scandal

For too many years

Have the pipes and needles

Been the shrieks of masses

Have are minds festered

At the hands of one another

Diseased hares become ud

And from our morbid enterprises

Spring a cycle of futility

For we love nothing

That is not in another's tears

Yet there is and always will be

Another way

That which we all want to achieve

And the wars we reap

Are from seeds of other paths

We are dead rabbits

I will not.

Reviews

[Snuggles McClintock]

this reminds me of watership down. and a great title.
i would urge you to correct the spelling of individualistic and use the correct "our" instead of are in the eighth line.

i would also suggest getting rid of the questions, instead relate the answers. questions are rarely effective to communicate any other emotion than confusey-ness.

this has strong promise, keep on scrawling

[Luna]

I like this a lot. It has a great flow and it has a dark essence about it.

"And the wars we reap
Are from seeds of other paths
We are dead rabbits
I will not."

Very nicely penned.

-Luna

[Lexi Nicole]

Very interesting write. Dark. I like this, the flow is good and I love your word choice. Nice work!

-Howl