Cover letter - Even the Mighty Fall

This is the cover letter for my novel. Please let me know what you think.

According to your website you are actively seeking fantasy stories, so I am pleased to introduce my 102,000 word novel, Even the Mighty Fall. It is set in a perilous Middle Ages type era and it follows the contrasting lives of many characters whose paths interchange at several points.

Love, betrayal, heartbreak and revenge; those are just a few things that the characters of this book will go through, so buckle up for this emotional rollercoaster!

 

In a land of majestic castles, deadly beasts and dangerous secrets, Kane Maxwell lies at the centre. He is a common hunter with no great wealth to his name and whose father was recently killed at war, but it falls on his shoulders to protect and provide for his family in a troublesome village where weaknesses are pounced upon.

Soon he finds himself in the company of the beautiful Princess. They strike up a controversial relationship even though the law states she must marry someone of noble blood. Kane doesn’t realise what dire consequences there will be if the menacing King was to find out.

The Queen herself also gets involved in a scandal which she desperately tries to keep out of the knowledge of the King, but all scandals are bound to leak at some point.

As the leader of the kingdom, the King must not only juggle his family affairs but also do his duty and provide security for his people. With numerous power-hungry rulers and carnivorous beasts in their world, being attacked is simply an inevitability. The worst creatures by far are the witches. They terrorised villages and wreaked havoc on all the lands in the dark ages a few centuries ago but they were believed to have been wiped out. What if one of them remained though?

 

I think many adults will be engaged by this novel because it has all the ingredients of an enthralling story. There are many unpredictable and jaw dropping twists, It has very likeable and relatable characters that you want to root for, there is blood spilling action, heart lifting romance, edge of your seat tension and unfortunately devastation.

The characters in this novel must always think about the consequences of their actions and if they have secrets, they must grow eyes in the back of their heads. Each character must tread carefully because no one is safe.

 

The novel is similar in style to the work of R.R Martin in the sense that it follows different characters in different locations, where they are involved in relevant incidents that build up to major climaxes.

Author's Note

all good and bad points are welcome :)

Reviews

[D.S. Dirck]

I am working on my own query letter so I can offer some of the same criticism given to me.

"Love, betrayal, heartbreak and revenge; those are just a few things that the characters of this book will go through, so buckle up for this emotional rollercoaster!"

This line here is considered editorializing and will get you rejected outright.

"I think many adults will be engaged by this novel because it has all the ingredients of an enthralling story. There are many unpredictable and jaw dropping twists, It has very likeable and relatable characters that you want to root for, there is blood spilling action, heart lifting romance, edge of your seat tension and unfortunately devastation."

This paragraph is redundant and subjective. Focus more on your plot summary.

"The novel is similar in style to the work of R.R Martin in the sense that it follows different characters in different locations, where they are involved in relevant incidents that build up to major climaxes."

Do not compare your writing to any other author. It makes you look amateurish.


These are just a few points. And again, I was guilty of doing all these things as well. If you'd like further insight the website QueryTracker.com has a section devoted to critiques of people's query letter. The response times are slow but I got alot of useful information on writing a better query letter.

[Hakim]

Thanks for the feedback. Quite useful, but those key words "Love, betrayal, heartbreak and revenge" are meant to intrigue the reader because I believe they are quite powerful... sort of sets the tone.

Also a lot of "how to write query letter" guides say try and let the reader know what style of work yours is similar to, so that they know you do a lot of reading and a few other reasons which aren't coming to me at the moment.

All in all though will look for improvements, cheers.

[D.S. Dirck]

More specifically, "buckle up for an emotional rollercoaster." This is the part of that sentence that stands out as editorializing. You can in theory reword the rest of the sentence and put it back in. Focus on generating intrigue through your plot summary. That is the most important part of the query letter.

You can tell the lit agent your book is awesome is great all day long, but if they don't like the summary, it goes in the garbage. Your two best friends are a killer opening sentence and a great plot summary/overview.

[Hakim]

Cool, plot summary needs work.

But the buckle up for an emotional roller-coaster part was supposed to be a a hook to get the reader interested, i can see how it is viewed as editorializing though.

[Bear]

Reading what D.S. Dirck said in his review there is not much more I could add, what a publisher/editor wants is a synopsis of your story. Put yourself in their place, you get hundreds of stories from people just like you and it would take more time than you have to read them all. So you read the synopsis, from that you can tell (if they are just retelling something already in print) if (they can write) if (their work is publish ready) or if (it will need work).

[Hakim]

Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciation ;)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Hey this sounds gripping and exciting for a person, like myself who is accustomed to read novels of this genre!!
I will definitely read this, lemme know when its ready!
-Jyoti :)

[Hakim]

Much appreciation. I'm glad it has caught your interest :D
It is a pretty cool genre ;)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Very true..

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Seems interesting, Hakim. I've got no critic at this point. You seem to write very good English and you have a rich vocabulary. Looking forward to read more. :) Rudi

[Hakim]

Thanks for your kind words Rudi.

[bathtime]

I feel that you got your book across successfully. I have a good idea of what I'm expecting without having read anything other than this. You describe everything with an effective use of language, while not coming across as too much. I like that you compared your book to someone else' writing. Gives me a better idea of style.
All in all its not bad. I think the other guy that reviewed made a couple good points. Focus more on plot summary, a little less redundancy.

Overall, just a couple things to fix. :)

[Hakim]

Thanks, im glad you say that, will do ;)

[Eternal Devotion]

No critic points just looking forward to reading it :D Any idea when it'll be uploaded

[Hakim]

Thanks, its up now which i see you already know haha ;)