Svengali

An Apology

Svengali

Dear family and friends it has been a long time
Since I made the changes that would change our lives
Since I felt worthy of causing difficult times
Since I gave in to Svengali and lived through his eyes

He controls and manipulates, usually for no good
With the charm I've been given I always knew I could
Make appeals to the sentiments of everyone else
You think you didn't know me, I thought I knew myself

I was caught and consumed in the games of my life
Never correcting mistakes, letting myself be blind
To the cruelty and pain feeding off of disdain
Living a life to be vein, but Svengali was his name
I now truly understand the pain you must have felt
Forgive me for this, I didn't know myself

Dear members of my heart my apology has begun
Svengali has lived his final days in the sun
I know I left you scars you may not have deserved
In my fame and success Svengali is my burn

He let me burn bridges and helped me build walls
Now ones that I love are indifferent to my calls
Calls of repent for the hurt I never meant
For the lies, deceit, for making life a bet

I was caught and consumed in my so called prime
Now decisions, not mistakes, and still I was blind
To feelings of those beyond the walls of my flesh
To hearts of those that love me now even less
Now I truly see the heartache I dealt
Forgive me my loves, I didn't know myself

Dear family and friends I've done things I can't defend
Created wounds I cannot mend for this Svengali's seen his end
Though I'll carry my scar forever in my heart through all endeavors
To my grave if that's a start for I chose to play the part
I'll always remember the things I chose to put you through
Please know, sincerely, they were not because of you
You only knew me as well as one knows Heaven or Hell
Forgive me, I love you, please believe I didn't know myself

As Jordan Svengali, I sincerely say I'm sorry
There's no excuse I can tell, I only didn't know myself
Even this may be a time where that's the case as well
But I can only be certain, then, I did not know myself

Reviews

[L.G. Knight]

Wow very very heart felt and would be a very good entry for my regret me not poetry competition....

~Frances~