i feel empty

short story

And as the young girl sat down, she stared up at her worn out, shabby now cracked ceiling. Her long dark hair flowed down the back of the lowermost rail. She began thinking. Thinking about her life and all of a sudden it was like she couldn’t control herself. The tears began slowly seeping out of her eyes, running slowly down her cheeks consistently, never stopping. Her breathing becoming irrational, sniffles getting louder by each second. Yet no one heard her. She wanted to tell someone why she was feeling the way she was but at the same time, felt as if she’d be scrutinized by society for expressing herself. Which is why she kept it all in. Away from the world. Secrets are hidden within her that nobody knew about. She didn't want to reveal her past because then people would see. They would see how weak, powerless and vulnerable she really was. She trusted no one. Building up imaginary walls around herself since the day his heart and soul left her and her family behind. Building up walls that constantly got beaten down by everyone she got close to. Each time she built them up again, becoming stronger and yet people still question her, “Why won’t you tell me?”, “Why don’t you talk to me about anything?”, and to that, she doesn't reply. It’s because of the people she’d met. She built those walls up to protect herself from people like them. People who use you. Gaining your trust and then leaving you shredded of your identity.

Author's Note

constructive criticism??

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

Lots of modifiers - more than needed, I think. The narrator shift from observer to mind reader before the story ends. The store might be improved by a consistent use of past tense.