chapter one as well? (2)

 

            Holes, there are holes everywhere I look. There are millions of little ones in my skin, in the ground, and in my heart. Though they fill it with dirt, I know they are down there still. I just stare down at the freshly replaced earth in my best dress. I am surrounded by almost one hundred people, though it doesn’t feel like it. I feel solitary, alone, isolated form the world as a whole.  They are all just empty faces. They can’t fill the emptiness though. I look up after the moments that seemed more like eternities, each with their own distinct idea and vision. He is looking right back, and he is as sad as I am.  He had dirty blonde hair and green eyes, and was only a little older than I was. As we met eyes I felt all the breath leave me lungs in one gust.  This feels like a dream, it must be a dream.

            It was. The light struck my eyes like needles, but gave a reassurance I was awake for real. I could feel tears on my cheeks, and during the night they had soaked my pillow pretty thoroughly.  It smelled of rotten sympathy and repressed memories.  I stretched and looked around the room, searching for something. I squinted with the morning light, and tried my hardest to focus on the little digital clock on the corner dresser. 11:41 and I had slept over thirteen hours. It didn’t matter, there was no where to go, though Evan would be here later. He was there, in the dream, he always was, because he was always where it ended. The second our eyes locked I awoke. It was two years later now and that was all behind me for the most part.

            After another ten minutes in bed trying to decipher my days agenda in my mind, I gave up fighting the fog and stood up. It was warm, almost as warm as my bed, but not quite. I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror; sure enough my eyes were red and puffy. After another ten minutes in the bathroom finishing waking up I headed out into the hallway. The wooden floor was freezing, which was my final step in the transition from sleep to alive. I passed the closet door and hit my hand off of the knob. It stung for a second and I wrapped it in my other hand cursing under my breath at myself. I am an unusually clumsy person, and adding drowsiness to the mix doesn‘t help in the slightest.

            I went downstairs, and walked right to the kitchen. There was no use in worrying about lunch and breakfast time, so I just poured some cereal and milk. As I was finishing my gourmet feast the phone began to ring, and I knew who it was. Who else would it be but Evan? Sure enough the caller idea popped up with “Masker, Evan”.  I picked it up in one graceful swipe. 

            “Hello, you have reached Alice Lynton, please leave a message after the beep” I said in aq professional tone, not wavering my voice one bit. To me it seemed like the perfect impersonation.

            “Okay. Very funny, but on a more serious note, I made reservations for seven, but I want to stop by a little early, so be ready about five thirty” Evan replied to my little charade, completely taking all the fun out of it.

            “Fun sucker” I mused and he giggled a little back, though it didn’t get away from the fact, he is a fun sucker, and I love it. 

            “Be ready?” He asked almost pleading.  I realized I was wrapping my finger in my hair, almost like a nervous little girl, and immediately stopped.

            “Ugh, fine.” I replied sarcastically. Nothing too exciting about any of it, and yet there seemed to be something extra, something new in his voice and the things he was saying.

            “See you then”

            “Yes indeedie, see you as well my good man.”

            And with a click he was gone. For all I know, when he hung up that phone, he could disappear into nothing. That was no matter for the time being though, because I would be seeing him later tonight, unless of course he had disappeared. That reminded me, I had better get ready. With that I threw my bowl into the sink and ran up the stairs to find some clothing. In my mind I knew what I was going to wear, my “little black dress” if you will. It was going to be an amazing night, it had to be. If there was any such thing as an aura or presence of atmosphere then today it was nostalgic. I found the dress with plenty of ease, along with a nice matching pair of black shoes.   The heels were just the right height so that if I fell I wouldn’t die, but while standing I wouldn’t seem completely like a leprechaun stature wise.

            I glanced back at my old friend the clock and I had a little over three hours to get ready. When the clock hit five I was already to go. Still I had half of an hour to do, well, anything I wanted. I walked downstairs and just stood near the front door, being conveniently right at the bottom of the stairs. Something moving outside caught my eye, and I got up as close as I could to the window on the top of the door trying to see out, but I couldn’t get a very good view. I ran to the window in the excitement of the moment, but only to see that the object I my attention was so focused on was Mrs. Patterson with her dog. 

            “It won’t be long now,” I thought. Evan was not only one to be excessively precise, but he also loved being fifteen minutes early for everything, and to no ones surprise, his gray Lexus pulled into the driveway at about 5:16. I smiled to myself thinking of how silly he was, and then how used to his silliness I was. When he got to the door and put his finger on the button for the doorbell, I was already turning the knob. Before he could finish his indentation I was right in his face, well as close as I could get at least. He kissed me on the cheek and I scrunched my face in happiness. 

            “Well hello there sir, how may I help you?” I joked.

            “Well there is this lovely lady I would like to take out with me tonight, may I enquire about her?” He said, grinning so sweetly and playing along for once.

            “Nope” I smiled and I reached for the door to pretend to shut it in his face, but he was too fast for even my joke, and he had his hand holding it before I touched the handle.

            “Come with me if you wish, but I am going to get into the car now,” he said, killing the fun. What a fun sucker.

            “Fine then.” I rolled my eyes at him and he smiled back. 

            We headed to the car; he held my door open, as usual and got in very gracefully.   Hopefully one day he could show me how to do that whole balance thing. It was a pretty quiet ride to the restaurant. He kept his eyes on the road, and I kept my eyes on the scenery. After almost twenty minutes he made a remark about me looking nice, and I replied with a thank you. All in all it was a great conversation we had on the way there. As we pulled up, I waited for him to come around and get my door. I had gotten it for myself on the first date, and he told me never to do that again, that was what he was for. 

            He has a lot of silly habits like that, ironing his clothes before he can wear them; he is what some would call a gentile, and what I would call an obsessive compulsive. He helped me out and led me inside. It was very nicely decorated, lights in all the perfect locations, and yet somehow the booths and tables still looked closed and seductive. He nodded to the man at the seating podium in greeting and then said something in Italian, the only word I could make out being Masker. That is something at least.

            The man led us to a nice corner booth, away from most of the other guests there which was preferable. I love privacy. He gestured me to sit first and then followed my example. It was quiet for about five minutes, until he looked up and put his hand on mine. It caught my attention right away, and I locked onto his green eyes, tonight there were flecks of blue in them. He opened his mouth and his lip quivered, but then he closed it again and looked down at the ground. That seemed to ease some of the pressure that was on him, because he started to speak. The ground was more comforting than me, how lovely.

            “You know I love you Alice?”

            “Yes, of course I do.”

            “A lot. Well, I have decided that we have been together a very long time, almost two years now, and I think that maybe, well.” He looked back up at me, meeting my eyes directly again “Will you marry me?”

            “Yes” It was no problem answering. There was no waiver in my voice, no pause, because I had already mentally prepared myself for this occasion before. I knew someday he would, and part of me knew something was happening tonight. Still I was gleeful like a child on a sugar high the rest of the night. When he dropped me off I was still smiling. As he opened my door to help me out he pulled me into a hug. It was kind of an odd thing for him to do, but considering the pressure he must have been under all day, I don’t blame him one bit. When you’re on a high spontaneity tends to follow. When we got to the door he reminded me to pick him up the next morning by eight, and I just giggled thinking to myself that I had better be there by 7:30 then. He smiled back and kissed me goodnight, not one of those romantic kinds, just polite. I’m still not sure if that man has one romantic fiber in his whole body.

            I smiled the whole entire time, from taking a shower until I sat down in the living room. I was so happy, my heart seemed to be pounding at all new tempos right in my chest. It was like I didn’t know it at all. After I had been home a good hour, I flipped on the news to help me settle down a little, but there was nothing exciting. Nothing caught my interest in the least until they came to a story about a woman from five counties away. She had beautiful long black hair, and a deep complexion of golden light brown. She looked like a Persian Princess. Her eyes were a deep brown color. I was so distracted by the picture I almost missed the story. The newscaster told some tragic story of how she had been found dead in her home yesterday evening by her son. They believed there might have been foul play afoot. It switched off to some story about animals and I was back to not watching. Animals weren’t my thing.

            The news had succeeded in numbing my mood down a little though, so I got up and shut off the TV. I walked in to the kitchen and did the dishes from the morning, and then realizing that I had left a glass in the living room I turned back in there. Surprisingly the TV was still on. I thought it must have been some kind of glitch or something, maybe a power surge. It was no matter though; I just shut it back off and headed to bed.

            I made sure to set my alarm for at least six. There is no reason to risk ruining a good thing while I have it. With that I passed out into my dream world. Tonight the dream was different then it usually was though. I was in the same graveyard as my parents, as usual, but I wasn’t at their graves. I was looking down into one grave rather than two, and I cold see theirs to my left a little ways. It was a very sunny day out, which I always found as weird for the occasion. Usually it would be dark and dreary. I looked down into the hole to see one coffin with a single white rose on top of it, though there were cascades of flowers all around.

            He was standing at the edge, though he was in his twenties this time, as he was now. His eyes were red and he had something gripped in his fist tightly. I looked at the people in the chairs and standing, and I knew some of them, but for the most part they were just empty faces.  As I was gazing down into the hole I felt a cold hand wrap around me. I went to turn my head and see who it was but I was too shocked by what I saw to respond. It was a man with brown hair like mine and the same blue eyes. I knew him, it was my father. He smiled at me, and I started to cry.

            “You’re almost there” he whispered into my ear, and then everything flashed into this great white light, blinding all of the previous images into a blank pallet. I woke up to the radio playing and the alarm buzzing. It was too early, far too early. I jumped out of bed and went over to hit it and stop the noise.  It was freezing, like the dead of winter. I wrapped my arms around myself but to no avail. I looked out the window, and sure enough, there was little Mrs. Patterson with her dog. Sometimes I wonder if all she does is walk that dog. My eyes were wet again, though this time the tears seemed fresh, and they were still streaming. Using the sleeve of my shirt I wiped my eyes and then snuffled my nose. The sun was just coming over the houses of the roofs of the houses in front of me. I was surrounded by so many people, though I only really knew a handful of them.

            All at once it came to me. That was my funeral in the dream, my grave. It had to be. No matter, there were more important things right now like the fact I had to get ready to pick up Evan, so I went to find some nice, yet comfy clothes. I grabbed a sophisticated shirt and jacket, some nice pants, but I couldn’t find my cool black shoes anywhere. After spending so much time goofing off, I hadn’t had any time to prepare or anything, though that was my nature. I ran to the bathroom and fixed my face and hair. I realized I had let my hair grow to shoulder length in the past couple of months, and I thought it was a nice touch. Still I wrapped it up into a messy bun and ran down to find my shoes. There they were on the floor near the door, and I swiped them up and threw them next to the mess that was my purse. It must have been one of my victims of ill treatment the night before because the contents were thrown everywhere. That was a mess for later though, I had to get breakfast.   

            I had my nice bowl of cereal and milk and went to throw it in the sink but was stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the bowl from the day before in the sink. I stood there for a good five minutes trying to recollect the events from the previous day. Sure enough, I remembered very clearly washing the dishes.  I threw my dish in the sink, and as I got close to the living room, I could hear the low mumble of a man’s voice. I was a little thrown off, and I crept my head slowly around the corner to see if I could make out the perpetrator of the noise. I slowly reached my hand for the broom, thinking it could be used as a weapon in case of emergency. As I got a good view, I cold see the TV was on, which really left me dumbfounded. 

            “You piece of crap” I said laughing at the idea of how frightened I had been by an electronic device. It was a shaky kind of laughter, like a man who had finally lost his sanity. As soon as I regathered my composure it occurred to me that I had shut the TV off, definitely. I walked over to turn it off again assuming it was a glitch. It shut off, no problem. I turned around to walk out, but something caught my eye in the morning light. Rather something took my attention, my composure, all of the color from my skin. I sat there staring at her for an un-estimated amount of time. Her brown hair was ruffled from falling asleep with it wet, her blue eyes stuck open, and her skin an unnatural ivory shade.

            I watched myself unmoved until I was disturbed by the phone ringing. It was late and Evan was worried. I let it go to the answering machine and sure enough his voice came through.

            “Sleeping in I bet” He began.

            “You don’t even know.” I muttered in reply. I didn’t shift my gaze from her.

            “I’m going to stop by, and hopefully you will be awake by then, if not, I’ll get the key from the porch. Okay then bye.”

            With a click it was done, he was on his way, I was dead, and what was I going to do with the situation?