Double Or Nothing

A small victory on this journey called life.

I had a remarkable experience with a plugged toilet in the guest bathroom at my sister-in-law's house in California recently. The entire family, save my daughter, gathered for nephew Dan's wedding. As you may know, everyone in California has water saver toilets. Wonderful concept really, but brother-in-law tells me that you have to flush four times as often to get the same efficiency as a regular toilet. All that said, those of us on the second floor didn't know about the four-for-one rule until it was too late. We were used to the single robust flush of a good old Alaskan toilet. Consequently, the thing that guests fear the most came upon us without warning, the dreaded "plugged toilet".

 

Plunging didn't work so it fell to me, the second most senior male in the family, to make something happen.  I was confident the old coat hanger trick would work so I found a suitable sacrificial coat hanger and got after it. Of course on a fancy California toilet the coat hanger trick was ineffective because I couldn't get the hanger to make the first curve of the toilet discharge.

 

I lamented to my daughter-in-law that if I only had a big rubber glove I could reach down through the "matter" and force the hanger through the clog. Daughter-in-law instantly shouted, "Garbage bag!" She pulled out a trash bag and fit it over my left arm. She looked at my protective shield cautiously and said "wait, two bags". She then tied a second bag over the first and I felt impervious to any organics. I went upstairs and re-assessed the situation, nothing had changed. I took my trusty coat hanger in my shielded hand and thrust my arm into the depths of the toilet bowl.

 

Now this is where it gets interesting...

I recalled watching brother-in-law swimming laps in the pool last night; I had been studying his breathing rhythm. He would turn his head to the left and inhale, turn his head back underwater and exhale, then turn his head skyward and inhale again, and so on. All this was done in a smooth and graceful motion.

 

I thought I could employ the same technique in my current enterprise. As I thrust my left arm into the goo and forced the coat hanger into the drain I turned my head to the right and inhaled. As I withdrew my arm and worked the coat hanger backward I turned my head toward the miserable abyss and exhaled. I repeated this beautiful ballet many, many times with no effect. At last I could bear it no longer and abandoned my coat hanger and double-hulled trash bag shield.

 

I drove to the nearby tool rental center and rented a five-foot toilet snake. Within two minutes of returning to the house with the snake I had unplugged the toilet and I was done. I returned the snake to the rental shop within thirty minutes of renting it and I came back to the house a hero. The wedding was saved.

 

Moral of this revolting story...  go rent the right tool and don't put yourself through the ordeal I did trying to be clever.

Author's Note

Do not try this at home.

Reviews

[J]

I canna believe I haven't commented on this! I did laugh myself nearly sick, mind you. Just when ya think ya got it knocked, you hear a voice ~ as though booming from heaven itself .......... "watch THIS!"

I so adore your humorous take on life's more annoying obstacles. The photo is equally as priceless -- you cannot believe how much I despise plumbing problems. Simply because I don't have the "tools."

Well done, my friend!
j

[TL Boehm]

falls off chair laughing. From angels to toilet humor AK your writing is always honest, at times beautiful, at times gut grabbing funny - but always without presumptiousness. Well done.
With my parents it was an ornery garbage disposal...with me and my fam...its a toilet.

[Emily B]

Always take the smaller victories. There may not be anybody watching the bigger ones. :)

[Emily B]

oh, this is funny!!!!!

lessons learned and all that :)