Laquered Tears

I wanted so much to believe in the safety of us

for all time,

the safety that was me and you.

late night discussions

round table deliberations

glasses, then bottles of wine and more,

never fear

I told myself you were my trusted compadre

and it almost seemed right

the words were correct

yet,

there was something about those

actions that screamed something else

and ran,

with the truth of 

whatever was hiding inside

your not so subtle manipulation,

whispering about leftovers on some other watch

the disconnects, I discounted 

pushed them aside

told myself, there was no reason

that you

of all people

were nothing more

than a clever collusion.

holding out the illusion

of a caring disposition

months and years passed

something amiss,

I  kept trying to reason

trying to guess

the truth is

you were never real,

not in the way real friends are.

for all time

how did I miss that

why do I care?

I kept wanting to believe

you were so much more

than,

laquered tears ...

Reviews

[David Scott]

Your poetry tells an old tale... Some people are simple fake with their expressions and friendships. Actually most of us are on some level. My whole family is rather this way. Out of six children, I am one of two who will actually be honest with my feelings. The good and the bad. I say, "I love you". I give big generous hugs and mean them. I tell others when they have offended me and do it with kindness and transparency. This never goes well... You may never find someone in your life who is as honest and trusting as you are. You may never be able to trust again... I doubt it after reading your work. You will need to grow thicker skin and accept others where they are if you are to avoid the loneliness of the old soul who has lived long enough to desire transparency. It is rare.
You can never "make" another what they are not.
Great poetry!

[Alisa Js]

Hello again, David and thank you for your very insightful comments. I do appreciate them and you.read moreHello again, David and thank you for your very insightful comments. I do appreciate them and you.

I am learning to accept others for who they are without expectations...and to remember that another person's drama is something to stay far away from for all the obvious reasons. Because I am basically solution oriented and self sacrificing, it is very easy for me to get caught up in finding answers, even at my own expense, which at the end of the day, benefits no one, especially if the other person's motivation was manipulation which is never mutually beneficial.

Hard lesson, but as the saying goes..."in life, you have to take the bitter with the sweet, otherwise...how could you appreciate the sweet?"

Wishing you a happy holidays...

Alisa💫

[DirectTangent]

Very nice write - speaks to me of how the expectations we may place on someone to fulfill something important to us may obscure our perception of who they really may be. I enjoyed the write and I thank you for it.

[Alisa Js]

Thank you.

[Perdition]

Perhaps she was this poem all along and gave you exactly what you needed to experience for these words to fall away. Either way everthing we use as poets we must appreciate as well. In the end it makes us who we are. Nice vent~

[Alisa Js]

Thank you, kind sir...

Maybe, indeed she was. I believe there is a reason for everything, and this very well could be the gift she left me.

I do wish her well.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by and comment. I appreciate you immensely...

Sending you smiles across the miles between us...😃😃😃🐶😻


Alisa

[Perdition]

As always..you know I don't always comment but i always read. This one was a rose I had to voice and thanks for sharing!

[Alisa Js]

Ditto from this side of the Pacific....🌅

[ANTO]

Sometimes when I was asking for too much, as a kid, my gran would say 'you can't have it - too bad - people die wanting' - the latter part of the mantra was meant to make me think. It worked - for I often wondered who she meant and I thought it was a literal inference to starving people in famine (which was and still is prevalent worldwide) then I realised it applies to many many more people. It seems that we 'want' and that our very 'wanting' can cause us to disregard our own carefully constructed safeguards that have been meticulously created over years. "I want therefore I am (vulnerable)".

I liked where this took me though I appreciate that it was not a nice place for the author to revisit.
Top write Alisa. :)

[Alisa Js]

Good morning from across the very long way,

Thank you for stopping by and for your deeply appreciated thoughts.

I think the lesson I learned was to listen to and honor the wisdom I have gleaned and still learning during this life's journey.

Just like a plane when moving toward its destination....it has to make many corrections along the way....same with me. I am thankful this lesson learned was sooner rather than later, and that at the very least, it inspired this piece, although I will admit, was quite painful and still is.

Sending you smiles...

Alisa😃😃😃

[.]

-- this is a very powerful insight into the sort of person who just cannot be real... -- it's as if there's nothing behind the mask made of artificial sweetness and sensitivity...

-- excellent portrait, alisa...

[Alisa Js]

Thank you, serah...

I kept rationalizing her behavior and found myself making excuses for her...I wondered why she didn't have many friends, now I know why....

I did the best I could for as long as i could. The truth is, that seasons change, chapters of life close and end.

Thank you for your comments and time.

Alisa💫

[.]

-- i relate to everything you've said, alisa... -- i've done that (rationalizing) for people who just didn't deserve that... -- sometimes, i was able to close the chapter on time and sometimes i ended up getting hurt... but i'm glad i'm in much better space now... -- and you're very welcome... -- i think i needed to read this piece almost as much as you needed to write it...

[Alisa Js]

Thank you again for your comments. I am encouraged that you lied this one. I knew this person for almost five years, and wanted so desperately to believe that we were the type of friends she described, almost sister like. Since I don't have sisters, this was a new and intriguing concept...

As I reflect, we had some very what I thought were meaningful conversations and times together...

Unfortunately,I realize now it wasn't at all what I wanted to believe, but rather was more toxic than anything..

😱

[Alisa Js]

Typo alert! " that you liked this one...

[.]

-- haha... yeah... i really 'liked' this piece... it reminded me of a former co-worker who became my self-appointed 'best friend' in just a few months... -- she read a lot of books and she wrote poetry too... -- in fact, she was on this site for a while... -- then she snapped ties quite suddenly and started hanging out with people she used to constantly criticize... -- even i wanted to believe that she was my 'best friend' but now i know that she was her own worst enemy...

[Alisa Js]

I know what you mean...

...I have learned to pay attention to one's intuition...as it can certainly prevent a lot of unpleasantness later on...

Wishing you well...
😃

[.]

-- true that... one's best ally is always one's own intuition... -- and thank you for your lovely wishes, sweet alisa... ditto... :)