Chapter 1: 23 weeks

A Chapter by AlixW

23 Weeks

*Monsters under bed remain, just changed*

They sit on the floor, together, comparing scars. They both have them on their arms, self-inflicted, deep scars that will forever label them as suicidal. The scars are old and faded now, but they’ll always remain. There are other scars too, not all self-inflicted. There’s the scar on her side from where her father held the clothes iron against her skin when she was 5; the one where he got shot in the thigh the only time his father took him hunting; a scar on her foot when her father dropped a knife on it; marks all over his body from his father’s belt hitting him over and over again, even when he did nothing wrong. And there’s more, so many more, some more serious, some innocent scratches, but all there, forever.

These scars connect them. Their parents and broken families, their pasts and memories, their emotions, their feelings, their thoughts, it all connects them; it connects them to each other and only each other. They shut out the rest of the world, always, not caring what anyone else does, only caring about each other. They focus on graduation, only five months away, on getting out of this town and going to a small college in Colorado together. That what keeps them going, what gives them hope, and what keeps them alive.

They’re sitting on the floor of his room, Jason’s room, full exposed. Jason touches her hip, Katie’s hip, gently touching the scar she got when the doctor repaired her shattered hip. Her father had come at her with a hammer when she was fourteen, crushing several bones including her hip. Child services had showed up, but Katie denied it, to this day she denies everything. She knows what will happen to her. She knows that her father will beat her, but she also knows that Jason will always be there for her, and that’s easier than not knowing. Now that she’s seventeen, nobody cares anymore anyways. Nobody bothers calling the cops when she screams, they all just ignore it and continue on with their lives.

Jason doesn’t talk, neither does Katie. That would ruin the moment, ruin the whole experience. They don’t have to talk anyway, they both know exactly where all the scars came from and there really is nothing to say that would fix anything. They just like seeing the scars on each other, they like to see that new scars haven’t been added, and they like knowing that they aren’t alone; there is somebody going through the exact same thing.

He touches the scars on her arm gently. These are the scars that affect him the most, more than his own scars and the scars she got from her dad, those scars barely affect him. But the scars that she created herself, they make him ache, they drive him crazy with rage. They make him want to kill Katie’s father, make him suffer the way that his daughter did: physically, emotionally, mentally. Jason wants to beat him until he is within an inch of his life, where he’s begging to die, but praying to live. Jason wants her father to pay because she is the only thing, the only person he cares about; she comes first, over anyone, anything else. He loves her beyond words, almost more than any man should love a woman and she loves him back just as much. They cling to each other for survival, for freedom, and for hope. Without each other, they would have been dead a long time ago.

They fall asleep together, Jason and Katie, naked in each other’s arms. They stay asleep in his room for a while, the room he shares with the washer and dryer, they stay asleep until his parents come home sometime in the hours between night and morning. His parents stumble through the front door upstairs, drunk and high, making more noise than seemingly possible.

“I love you.” Jason mumbles against Katie’s lips as they both get dressed. He holds her tightly in his arms, never wanting to let go. Even as he hears the footsteps of his father on the stairs, he still doesn’t want to let her go. But he does.

“I love you so much, Jason.” Katie whispers as she crawls out the window just in time. Tears roll down her face as she sees his father throw the first punch. She wants to go back in and scream, she wants to hit him until he stops, but she knows nothing will help. And that’s the worst feeling: being helpless, especially when you can’t help the one who means the most to you.

So Katie does what she does best. She runs, she runs and runs until she gets to the only place she really feels safe. This is the only place, besides with Jason, where she feels safe, where she feels like nothing can really hurt her; the only place she that actually contains good memories. It’s the swing set at her old elementary school. It’s where her father used to push her on the swings when she was little, when he was still sober; where she had her first kiss; where she first met Jason. And when she swings, its freeing. She doesn’t worry about her dad or Jason or school or anything; she just focuses on pumping her legs and going as high as she possibly can. She feels like she’s flying, like she can fly away and never come back to her awful life. And when she lets go of the swing and flies into the air, well that’s the most amazing feeling ever. When she falls to the ground, her happiness disappears and her reality crashes down on her.

Katie starts walking home in the absolute silence of the night. The only noise is her feet hitting the street as she walks. At three in the middle of the night, the world is dead; there are no cars, no people, no dogs barking in the distance, only deafening silence. But silence can be comforting, it can help you block out the realities of life and focus on only the silence.

Katie doesn’t want to go home; she wants to be able to walk forever. So she walks as slowly as possible. Three houses… two houses… one… she stands at the end of her walkway, watching her own house. It’s a bright blue color that almost glows in the dark; the two huge windows on either side of the house look like eyes, and door and stairs look like a mouth, ready to swallow her up and never let her leave. She walks toward her house slowly, one step at a time. She watches her own feet as they move, hoping that they will bring her somewhere else.

“Katie, baby, I missed you so much.”

She looks up at the open door, at her father, Bruce, standing in the doorway, blocking most of the light from shining out.

The smile that was on his face moments ago is now gone. “It’s late. Where have you been? With your boyfriend?” He says boyfriend mockingly. He ambles down the steps toward her, light from behind him hides his face in shadows. “I told you to stop seeing him!” His hand shoots out and slaps her.

She doesn’t say anything, just stands with her head bent to the side, waiting for the next blow.

“He doesn’t love you the way that I love you. You know that, Katie Baby.”

Katie looks up at him, seeing the danger in his eyes. He’s not in the mood for a fight, he’s in the mood to be loved, to love her, but not in a way that a father should ever love his daughter. It’s worse than being hit. She would rather be hit, kicked, burned, anything but this. She turns to run, but she’s not fast enough. He grabs her by the hair and pulls her against his body; she can feel him pressing into her back.

“You feel that Katie? That’s for you, all for you. Now be a good girl, come inside and show me how much you love me.” Bruce turns and walks away, her hair still wrapped around his hand.

She lets out a scream as he yanks her after him, nearly pulling her to the ground. The light across the street turns off, the neighbors not wanting to get involved; not caring enough to help a young girl in need.

Bruce drags her up the stairs and into the house. He brings her to his room, pushing her onto the bed.

“Daddy, please stop.” She crawls across the bed to the corner of the room, as far from him as possible. “Please, what about mom? You love mom!”

He stops taking his pants off to look at Katie, “She is with him! That stupid b***h cheats on me? Leaves me? I’ll f*****g show her! I don’t need her!” He reaches across the bed, now naked, and grabs her.

Katie screams as loud as she can, hoping that he’ll stop. She can handle anything but this.

“Shut up!” Bruce slaps her, “Shut up or I’ll really give you something to scram about!”

She stops screaming and just lays there, tears rolling down her cheeks. It’s what she’s learned to do: just stay quiet and listen to what he says. That way it will be over sooner, and she just wants it to be over.

Jason lies on the floor, his body vibrating along with the hum of the dryer. His whole body is sore and numb, he can’t feel anything, but he also feels everything and more. Both physically and mentally. He feels not only the pain of his attack, but all the other beatings too; he feels the razor biting into his skin even though it hasn’t in years; he feels his first kiss as well as the one that he got from Katie only an hour ago; he feels Katie’s fingers all over him, everywhere that she has ever touched him. He feels furious, pathetic, betrayed, jealous, mournful and all the lesser, simpler emotions. Jason doesn’t know how he should be feeling or even what he’s feeling. All he can do is lay on the floor of his room, curled up by the dryer. Not even talking to Katie could help him right now, it’s like nothing could ever help him again.

Across town, Katie lies on her father’s bed, naked, tucked into the corner. Her whole body is shaking from silent sobs as she hugs herself, hiding as much of herself as she can with her hands and arms. Her father is long gone after sobering up and realizing what he has done. He always runs away afterwards, leaving her to take care of herself, picking up the pieces. She just lies there, on the bed of her abuser, knowing exactly how she feels and hating herself for it. She dreams of her father dying, maybe even killing him herself. But she could never do that. That’s why she clings to Jason, he protects her in a way that she could never protect herself. Jason knows what her father does but there’s not much that Jason can do about it. If he ever saw her dad touch her though, Katie knows that Jason would kill Bruce, he would do anything and everything in his power if he ever really knew.

*All I know, is I don’t*

Being gay is a lot easier for girls than it is for guys. Its okay for girls to be curious, but not for boys. Mostly it’s other guys who don’t like it. They make fun of gay guys, but think it’s hot when they see girls together. At least that’s the way it’s always been for Jaylicks and Grant, her being the sexy lesbian, and him being the disgusting f*g. Guys will come over to Jaylicks during passing periods, asking her to give them a show, and in the same sentence they will insult Grant or shove him into a wall.

Grant and Jaylicks have been best friends since before they were born, almost before they were even conceived. Their moms have been best friends since they were in fifth grade and once they found out that they were both having kids at the same time, they wanted their kids to be best friends too. They were best friends until Grant and Jaylicks came out as gay, then they blamed each other’s kids for how their own child turned out.

Grant always knew he was gay, ever since he was five ever since he was five and liked playing with the ken dolls more than the Barbie’s, just because of how they looked. His first kiss was when he was ten, with the new student, Mike; that’s when he knew for sure. He’s always been open about it, ever since his first kiss. He came home that day, and told his parents that he was gay. The fact that he was only ten meant that his parents didn’t believe him. Even today, at seventeen, they think he might be confused. They completely support him, but at the same time, he knows that they still want him to love girls.

Jaylicks has a harder time with it. Even though she has known about Grant being gay from the very beginning and totally accepted him and loved him for it, she’s still ashamed of her own homosexuality. She doesn’t want to be gay. She really only came out of the closet two years ago, but up until then she had been dating Scottie Turner. She had never really found him attractive, she just knew that she was supposed to. Instead of checking guys out as they walked passed, she checked out the girls. When Scottie wanted to have sex for the first time, that’s when she knew. She would never want to be with a guy that way. She had no intention of ever really telling her parents, but Grant made her. They pretend that they’re okay with it�"faking smiles whenever she comes in the room�"but she can tell that it’s a lie. She hardly ever sees them and when she walks into the room that they’re in, they always seem to find something more important to do.

Neither one of them, Jaylicks or Grant, have a girlfriend or boyfriend, mostly because they choose not to. Sometimes at parties they’ll make out with someone, or hook up, but that’s as far as it goes. They both want to be out of high school first, they don’t want to draw any more attention to themselves than they need to. They’ve been counting down the days until they can move to New York, the city where nothing is unexpected or strange, where there will be plenty of homosexual people to choose from. That’s what they hold onto, getting out and finding out who they want to be, who they really are.

When Jaylicks gets home, she is welcomed by silence, as usual. Her parents are never to be found lately; the only time they’re really around anymore is during dinner. That’s the only time that they ever choose to share a room with her anymore.

She throws her bag on the floor, falls down onto the couch and uses the coffee table to prop her feet. She turns on the TV and surfs through the thousands of channels of crap before she decides upon a show that seems like it sucks marginally less than the others. After a few minutes of watching guys attempt to drill through a wall with what used to be an eggbeater, Jaylicks ambles to the kitchen to find something to eat.

She rummages through the cupboards and empty fridge only to produce a Twinkie, half a scoop of chocolate ice cream, and a glass of half&half. Since all of the shopping is done by her, most of the food is junk and there is really never anything decent to make a meal out of. She takes her salvaged snacks and goes back to the living room. She eats slowly as she looks through the channels again. She has never really understood the point of TV; watching other people’s imaginations play out across a screen isn’t very enjoyable for her. If there is something else to be doing, she would rather be doing that. But Grant is busy and she really has nothing to do when he’s not around. There’s always homework, but she hates that more than she hates TV.

She’s just finishing the last bite of her Twinkie when her mom walks in the door, arms full of shopping bags, ear pressed to her shoulder keeping her cell phone in place. Lisa, Jaylicks’ mom, is talking loudly about something superficial like acrylic nails. Jaylicks turns up the TV in order to drown her mother out, which only gets her a glare and Lisa talking even louder. After a few minutes of her mom competing with the TV, Lisa says her goodbyes and hangs up her phone.

“Jayme!” Lisa stands in the middle of the fifty inch plasma, her short, thin frame not really blocking anything. “I bought you some things today!” She looks down at Jaylicks’ feet on the table, outwardly disgusted. She is a complete neat freak and doesn’t like her house to look like people actually live in it. “Jayme!”

Jaylicks takes her feet off the table but stays slouching on the couch because it drives her mom almost as crazy as having her feet on the table. She turns the TV off and looks up at her mom expectantly, “What did you get me?”

Lisa prefers calling her daughter Jayme over Jaylicks ever since the incident in tenth grade when Scottie Turner started saying, “Jay licks girls and Grant sucks guys.” Even though it was completely juvenile and only he and his friends actually said it, everybody remembers it, and nobody likes calling her Jaylicks anymore. Though nobody seems to care that she actually like being called Jaylicks more than Jayme. The last time some a*****e mockingly called her Jaylicks, about half way through eleventh grade, Grant had beat the s**t out of him and got suspended for two weeks. Now everybody is scared that if they say the wrong thing to Jayme, Grant will beat them up too. So they just make fun of Grant, because for some reason, it doesn’t bother him as much as when they make fun of Jayme.

Lisa drags over the bags from Aeropostale, Hollister, Victoria’s Secret, pretty much a bag from every store in the mall. Shopping and clothes are the only things that Lisa and Jayme have in common anymore. If they didn’t have that, they would never talk at all. Jaylicks loves clothes, all clothes, and her mother is just happy that she’s still as girly as she has always been. If Jayme ever become even a little less girly, her mom would completely freak out.

They sit together to sort the clothes into things that Jayme wants to keep and things that she wants to get rid of. She keeps nearly all of it, although she hardly has any room left in her closet. You’d think that they were best friends if you saw them sitting there, talking on the couch together. Things seem like they used to, like when they could actually share a room without it being awkward. But just almost. There’s still a slight awkwardness between them that they’ll never get past.

Five months, three weeks, and two days and he is ruining everything. It’s not like he did it on purpose. He knew he was supposed to leave this town without second thoughts, without being held back by a boyfriend. But here he is, leaving the house of a boy he likes to consider his boyfriend. A boy he thinks he may even be falling in love with. Jaylicks can’t know and she never will as far as Grant is concerned. She would be more than disappointed in him.

Griffin, Grant’s boyfriend, will never tell anyone. He hasn’t even completely admitted to himself that he might be gay, much less anyone else. His parents still think that he’s interested in Missy Pattersons, the girl that everyone recognizes as Griffin’s girlfriend. But that’s just a show that he put on for everyone else. He can’t have his reputation ruined by everyone thinking that he might like guys. Grant understands that.

Five months, three weeks, and two days and Grant really doesn’t care who knows. He wants to tell the world, but for now… For now, it’s just Grant and Griffin’s secret.

Grant shuts the door to Griffin’s house behind him. He walks down the sidewalk, looking back and smiling at Griffin’s half naked body in the upstairs window.

“Hey f****t.”

Grant, about halfway down the block now, looks forward at a group of guys that go to his school. They’re four skaters, guys he doesn’t even know by name, but they always seem to find him in the hall and harass him.

“That your boyfriend’s house you’re always sneaking out of?” It’s the same guy who always speaks, obviously the leader. He’s shorter than Grant and barely has any muscles. He really has no business standing up to the old captain of the wrestling team and lifelong hockey player, even if Grant is gay.

Grant tries to push past them, but two of the guys grab his arms, holding him in place. The strongest guy step up, punching Grant in the stomach so hard it causes him to fall over. The leader shouts things to all of them, ordering them to kick him, beat him harder. He never actually does anything himself.

Grant doesn’t bother to fight back, that just provokes them, makes them want to continue. But they don’t stop, not until he blacks out from the pain.

He wakes up disoriented and sore. When his head stops spinning, he stands up. It hurts to move, but he lifts up his shirt to examine that already bruising skin. He fights back tears as he runs to the only place, the only person he knows that will comfort him. His whole body fights him, but running is one of the things he does best. He used to run all the time with Katie Barrows, but that was before she met Jason Kincaid and stopped hanging out with everyone but Jason. Grant runs so hard he can barely breathe. He runs to Jayme’s house, not even bothering to knock as he goes in.

The house is deserted as usual, no sound but the quiet hum of the fridge and the padding of footsteps from upstairs.

“Jaylicks?”

There are clothes thrown all over the entryway, draped over tables and vases. A pair of jeans, turned inside out, have been abandoned on the stairs. Grant follows the scattered clothes to Jayme’s room where he hears giggling behind the closed door.

“You are so beautiful, Jaylicks… has anyone ever told you that?” It’s a man’s voice; a voice that Grant knows, but can’t quite place. He’s calling Jayme by her full name, which means that he’s special enough to her that she lets him call her that.

Jaylicks erupts into a fit of giggles that could only mean he’s tickling her. “You’re beautiful too. You have the most amazing eyes.”

Grant knocks on the door, he knows he shouldn’t interrupt, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to talk to him best friend. If she found someone, then that means she can’t get mad at him if he has a boyfriend too.

The room gets silent behind the door. There’s a lot of whispering and moving around, but nothing Grant can really make out. “Who is it?” Jaylicks finally asks.

“Grant. Can I come in?” He’s already turning the handle before he’s even finished talking. He knows that they’re both decent, that what took her so long to answer.

“Grant…? Wait! No!”

But it’s too late. He’s already opened the door and seen everything he wasn’t supposed to see. The sheets from the bed are all over the room as the result of rough and wild sex. Jaylicks is standing near the bed, wearing a big t-shirt that covers everything that matters, but barely. Her hair is ratted, sticking up in every direction possible. She’s not looking at Grant because she can’t, she’s too guilty. She’s standing in the perfect position, right in Grant’s line of view so he can’t see the face of the guy in her bed. But he can see the guy’s body and that is all he needs to see. There is the abs and pecks that look like God himself carved them out of the most precious of material. Looking at this man, you know exactly what God had in mind when he created Adam.

Grant doesn’t have to see his face to know who the guy is. He has touched those abs enough, kissed that body enough, to know that the body belongs to Griffin�"the boy that he thought he might be in love with, the boy he had been with only a couple of hours ago.

At a loss for words, Grant says the only thing that he can think of. “I thought you were gay.”

*Always look around and observe everything.*

High school, in all honesty, is a bunch of bullshit. No matter if you’re in the popular crowd or a nobody, high school pretty much sucks for everybody. It may suck less for some people, but it still sucks. One of the good things about high school, though, is that parties. The bigger the party, the better. And king of all parties, as everyone knows, is Josh Terbain. He throws the biggest, wildest parties because his parents just don’t care. These parties are what make him one of the most popular guys at Winston High. It doesn’t matter that he’s a complete a*****e and doesn’t care about anyone but himself; everyone still wants to be friends with him. And despite, or maybe because of, him being an a*****e, Hannah can’t help but be in love with him.

Hannah has a thing for Josh since the fourth grade when she first became interested in boys. That was when he was nicer. At the sixth grade graduation, they walked to the stage together. When she went up to give a pseudo valedictorian speech, she came back to find three roses on her chair: one white and one blue and one green. They matched her dress perfectly, and were her favorite colors. Josh had reached over and tucked a beautiful bluish-purplish-gray colored rose behind her ear, “to match your eyes.” He had said. Hannah had brought the flowers to her face, breathing in their floral scent. She closed her eyes and tried to take in everything about that moment so she would never forget it. And when the whole sixth grade class stood up to sing their farewell songs, Josh leaned over to kiss her. It was awkward and clumsy because neither had been kissed before and they were only eleven, but Hannah loved everything about it. She loved how he held her hand and how his lips were soft, tasting of mint tooth paste and cherry chapstick. She loved how he was wearing so much cologne that it almost stunk, but she could still smell his laundry soap. And she especially loved the feeling of his lips against hers, even if it was clumsy and awkward.

Since then, they have been together. Through the ups and downs, they’ve stayed together. Even when Josh turned into a jerk, Hannah stayed with him. She’s been in love with him since that last day in sixth grade. And him being an a*****e is made up for when he writes her really bad poetry that she absolutely loves or when he gets her flowers or presents for no other reason than he wants to. Hannah always opens her locker to find little things he left for her. She knows that he loves her and that’s why she puts up with it. At least that’s what she keeps telling herself.

Hannah walks around the party trying to avoid everyone. For Josh being such a partier, Hannah has never really gotten into it. But she still shows up to every single party that he throws because she feels obligated. With a beer in one hand and a joint in the other, she navigates her way around the partiers and into the kitchen. She’s craving something sweet and chocolaty

“Hey baby,” It comes from Josh, only it isn’t directed at her; he’s talking to Jayme. His arms are wrapped around her shoulders from behind.

Hannah can’t help but to watch as Jayme turns in his arms. They look at each other like they’re going to kiss, with their faces close together and Jayme’s hand on his face. When Josh leans closer, she laughs and pushes him away. She tilts her head to the side, letting her naturally bleach blonde hair fall over her shoulder. She says something Hannah can’t quite hear, and then walks away with her a*s swinging.

Josh has always had a thing for Jayme, since forever. Most of the guys who know her like her. It’s kind of hard not to, with her looking like she walked off the cover of Bazaar. She has the long blonde hair that all girls strive for, beautiful, long eyelashes, bright blue eyes, and high cheek bones, everything that defines a beautiful girl. She also has the curves that any girl would kill for. And there’s also the fact that she would rather be with girls. It’s like they have absolutely no chance with her and that makes them want to try so much harder.

Looking over at Josh, Hannah can see how upset he is that he was rejected by Jayme. Instead of going over to him, like she probably should, Hannah just downs her previously untouched beer and walks into the kitchen. The kitchen is mostly deserted except for the other few people trying to get away from the party and talk quietly with each other. She walks to the freezer, helping herself to the stock pile of candy bars hidden in the back.

“Hey Hannah.” His fingers touch her sides where her shirt doesn’t quite meet her shorts. Her whole body heats up as he presses his lips to her bare shoulder in a way that could be considered a kiss, but really isn’t. “How are you?” He pulls her whole body right up against his, as close as they can possibly get.

Hannah sinks into him. She grabs his hands and pulls them around her, holding his hands to her chest. Her eyes close as she leans her head back on his shoulder. Their lips touch before she can breathe again. His lips barely touch hers before he disappears and she falls to the ground.

“Josh! No!” She knows what’s happening even before she turns to see Josh’s fist smash into the mouth she’d been kissing just moments before. Hannah stands as Trey begins to fight back. “Josh! Trey! Stop!” She grabs Josh’s right arm and pulls him away. He’s strong, so he could easily pull away from her, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to hurt her and he’s done fighting anyways.

The crowd that had gathered slowly thins until the room is almost completely empty. Trey had left with the crowd of onlookers, so Hannah and Josh were left alone.

“Are you okay?” She raises her hand to touch his busted up lip, but he takes a step back.

“Shut up.” He says it so low that she can barely hear it over the music blasting from the next room.

Hannah feels like she’s been slapped, although Josh would never actually touch her. He only hurts her emotionally, never physically and never seemingly on purpose. She looks down at her feet, unable to meet his eyes, or even look at him, “I’m sorry.”

“Only because you got caught!” His eyes are filled with such anger and ferity when he looks at her, but hidden all the anger, Hannah can see fear and sadness. “Next time you want to cheat on me, try not to do it in my house! In my kitchen! At my party!”

Not knowing what else to do, Hannah hugs him, holding him so tight so that he won’t leave and has no choice but to hug her back. She buries her face in his neck, having to stand on her toes to do so. “I am so sorry. I love you so damn much Joshua Michael Timothy Terbain. I love you forever and only you forever.”

“I love you too.” Hannah kisses his neck and he laughs a little, “I love you so f*****g much Hannah Annemarie Strout. I love you and only you always.”

They’re both quiet for a moment as they sway back and forth to the rap music drifting in from the living room.

Hannah closes her eyes, her mind drifting off to another place as she falls into a light slumber. She can feel her body moving slightly off from the music, but she really isn’t experiencing it. She’s actually thinking about Trey, how she felt like she was on fire when their lips touched, how badly she wanted to kiss him, how badly she wanted to do so much more…

“What is up with you and Trey Parker?”

Hannah lifts her head up from Josh’s shoulder to look at him. Before she can even think of something to say, she hears herself say, “What’s up with you and Jayme?”

Josh takes a step back, shocked, concerned, scared, something Hannah can’t even recognize. Hannah reaches out to him, trying to apologize, but he just takes another step back, shaking his head, “Don’t, don’t even bother…”

The truth is, other girls don’t even appeal to Josh anymore. He sees hot girls walk by and all he can think about is Hannah. Even with Jayme it’s like that; he doesn’t even care. The only reason he goes after Jayme is because he knows show would never do anything with him. He used to like her back in, idle school, nit not anymore. Girl on girl never really got to him, ever.

Hannah thinks he cheats on her all the time, but he never has. He kissed one girl, one time, while playing spin the bottle and Hannah was watching. But he lets her think that he is an a*****e, lets her think that he is a cheater. The one time he did deny cheating on her, she cheated on him with Trey Parker. It was only a week after they had first slept together and Josh had wanted to slow things down. Even though they’d been together 5 years by then, he still didn’t think she was ready. He wanted to respect her, but it had already happened so she was emotionally crazy and accused him of getting it from somewhere else. He had told her that she was the only girl he’d ever slept with and the only girl he ever wanted. Hannah called him a liar and the next day everyone was talking about how she had hooked up with Trey.

Josh gave her flowers and Oreos and begged for her back. She refused to take him back until he’d apologized for sleeping with someone else. And now, whenever they walk by Trey in the hall, he sees Hannah looking at Trey and he can’t help but be jealous. So he’ll kiss her or hug her, anything to make Trey as jealous as he is. But Hannah thinks that Josh is just trying to make all the girls in the hall jealous so they’ll want him more.

Now Josh likes to make Hannah jealous. That’s why he flirts with Jayme. He wants to know whether she really lovers him, loves him enough to actually be jealous of other girls, loves him enough to actually care.

He doesn’t know if she really loves him, some days it seems more like she hates him, but he hopes to God that he’s wrong, that she does love him.

Josh sits on his bed, staring at the ring he’d picked up from the jewelry store yesterday. He’d had it custom made by the same lady who has made all of the jewelry he’s ever given to Hannah. The ring is silver because Hannah prefers it to gold. The ring was designed to look like a flower, a large diamond in the center, surrounded by diamond crusted petals and diamonds going about half way down the ring. Mixed in with the diamonds are lightly colored blue, green and purple gems. The blue and green gems represent her favorite colors as well as the months they were born in. The purple gems are scarce, only a couple randomly placed in the ring. They are to represent June’s birthstone. June was when the baby was supposed to be born. The baby that was never even given a chance, the baby nobody even knew about besides Josh and Hannah. The baby that Hannah refuses to talk about, the baby that Josh wishes she had kept.

His phone goes of beside him, signaling a text. It beeps a few more times before he actually looks at it; he already knows none will be from Hannah, so he doesn’t care. Hannah’s parents had taken her phone away last night when she had gone home wasted and crying last night, now their whole relationship is on restriction because of it�"you’d think that after 6 years of being together, her parents would finally like him, but no such luck. She would have spent the night had they not got in that fight, but now her parents don’t want her talking to him at all for a while.

The texts aren’t of any importance: a couple of random girls asking if he wants to hang out, implying that they want to hookup; more from people asking about the next party and saying how amazing last night’s was. He ignores most of them, answering a few to let them know about the next party.

Josh is infamous for parties in the middle of the week. Last night was a Tuesday and more people showed up then than usually do on a Friday or Saturday night. The people are wilder when there’s school the next day, partying way harder than they normally would. But it always shows the next day at school where everyone is tired and hung over. Some are even still wasted, having continued the party elsewhere until the early morning, still coming to school anyways. It’s kind of amazing how many parents really don’t know where their kids are in the middle of the night. But what’s most amazing is that Josh could have a party every single night of the week and his parents would never know about it; it’s not like there are ever here to find out.

Josh rolls out of bed, putting the ring back in the small box, then putting the box in his sweatshirt pocket. When he walks past the living room he surveys the damage: beer cans, alcohol bottles, random articles of clothing liter the floor. He makes a mental note to call Marcus at the house cleaning place when he gets home from school.

He walks outside to his car. He drives a ’69 black mustang convertible. He bought the car when he was fourteen for $100. It had been in three major crashes and didn’t even have an engine. The guy he had bought it from said that it would be a miracle if the car was ever able to run even with an engine. But Jason got it working. He built an engine from spare parts at the scrap yard, took out all the dents, and added a great stereo system, everything to make his car amazing.

Josh jumps over the door, starts the engine and takes off. When he pulls into the lot at school, Hannah is already waiting for him in his usual spot. A couple of guys from the football team had spray painted his name on the ground when he first started driving and no one ever cared enough to wash it away.

“I am so sorry!” Hannah is hugging him before he’s even finished parking the car. She leans over his door, hugging his shoulders.

“Wanna ditch today?” He wraps his arms around her, pulling her into the car and onto his lap, “I don’t feel like school today. I just want to be with you.”

Hannah giggles, kissing his neck, “I can’t. I have a couple tests today and my mom already hates you.”

He kisses her long and hard. Tasting her, touching her, breathing her in. They’re so close that it feels like they’re almost one person. He wishes it could be like this all the time: them being happy and getting along and everything just feeling right. He pulls her closer, kissing her neck.

“Okay! Okay!” She laughs, “We can skip.”

*I lived through today. Enough said.*

Katie doesn’t even bother getting up and going to school. She has so many tests today, but she doesn’t care. Her whole body is sore and she doesn’t even want to try moving; she doesn’t think she even can. She knows that Jason will be coming over soon and he can help take care of her. He always picks her up before school and they walk together, when they actually end up going to school. Most of the time, they have injuries that are too noticeable and they don’t want people asking questions, so they just stay home.

Katie hears the front door open, then close again. She opens her eyes, waiting for Jason to walk in and take care of her.

“Katie?”

Her head spins, trying to figure out who it is. She knows who it is. It’s a woman’s voice, one that she has heard so many times, but the harder she tries to remember, the more her head hurts. So she just stops thinking. When she doesn’t think, her head doesn’t hurt as much.

“Katie, where are you?” The door to her room opens and Katie hides under the covers from the light. “Katie, are you in here?”

It’s her mom, she knows that now. Katie doesn’t want her here; she’s been gone almost a week and Bruce has been taking it out on her every night. Last night he had lost a bunch of money at his poker game, and then came home to hit her face against a brick wall over and over, kicking her when she fell down, over and over. It went on all night, even once he had sobered up. He didn’t stop until she had passed out.

“Michael! She’s in here!” Maria, Katie’s mom, calls out.

Katie looks out over the blanket as a man joins her mom in the doorway. They whisper to each other for a few minutes, looking back and forth from Katie to each other. The man walks towards Katie, crouching down next to the bed.

“Hey Katie. How are you?” He has salt and pepper hair and trustworthy green eyes. She’s seen him somewhere before, but she’s not exactly sure where. “We’re going to take you to the hospital. Then we’re going to call the police, okay? You’re safe now.”

Katie doesn’t answer. Her swollen face makes it hurt to talk. She doesn’t have anything to say anyway. She rolls over, facing the wall so the light doesn’t hurt her eyes so much. She tries to go back to sleep. She just has to wait until Jason gets here. Jason will know exactly what to do, he always does. But someone is lifting her up and carrying her away. She doesn’t have to look; she knows that it’s Michael. Katie doesn’t fight; she’s so tired and sore and there’s no point. She doesn’t have it in her to fight or talk or move. She just wants Jason.

Soon, they’re outside and her eyes hurt so badly. She closes her eyes and it seems to hurt worse. She can hear her mom and Michael talking, but she’s too tired to understand or even try to listen. Her head hurts so bad, she feels like it might explode. She just wants to sleep.

“Hey! What are you doing? Who are you?”

It’s Jason and he’s right next to her. She wants to open her eyes and look at him, but she can’t. Her eyes won’t open, her eyelids are too heavy. Jason is holding her hand, stroking her cheek, whispering reassuring things into her ear. She feels herself drifting in and out of consciousness. She can barely hear Jason or Michael or Maria. She’s trying so hard to hold on; she just wants to be with Jason and nobody else. They have always been able to handle things on their own. She doesn’t want her mom or Michael or the hospital. She just wants Jason.

She feels herself drifting farther and farther away from everyone. Then there’s no more light and she’s gone, passed out in Michael’s arms.

Jason’s in the back of the car with Katie. He’s holding her head in his lap, whispering to her even though he knows she can’t hear him. He’s scared. It’s never been this bad before; her father usually has some resistance. Her always beautiful face is ruined; she is so beaten up that Jason can barely even recognize her. Her face is covered in scratches and bruises, a thick gash lines one side of her face. Her hair is tangled and covered in blood. She looks so tiny, lying across his lap, so tiny that it looks like she could break at any second.

“Jason?”

He looks up, wiping tears off his cheeks. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been crying until now.

“Are you okay?”

Jason has never met Katie’s mom before today. He’s never seen either of Katie’s parents before today, but he knows that the man is not Katie’s dad. He looks too nice and actually seems to care about Katie.

Jason just shrugs. He can’t talk, his voice would betray him He’s fine though. At least he is physically. That’s what she’s asking. If he’s cut and bruised and broken too. When he first walked up to them, she saw him limping and had asked him then, but he had said he was fine then too.

The ride to the hospital feels so long and so silent. Nobody is talking; even Jason has stopped whispering to Katie. When they pull up in front of the doors, doctors run out with a stretcher; someone obviously having called ahead. They rip open the door, grabbing Katie, ever so delicately placing her on the stretcher and wheeling her inside.

Both Katie’s mom and the man are talking to a doctor. Everything is happening so fast; everyone is running and moving and screaming. Jason can barely keep up with it all. Katie’s mom looks back at Jason and soon a doctor is walking towards him.

“Young man? Are you alright?” The doctor is staring at him, concern creasing his forehead.

When Jason nods, his whole body sways. His body feels heavy all of a sudden; he can barely stand. The doctor is shining a light in his eyes, yelling something that Jason can’t understand. People are running towards him, away from Katie, and he doesn’t get it. They just need to be helping Katie and they aren’t. Jason says something that even he doesn’t understand. The doctor is still yelling Jason is still swaying back and forth; Katie is still alone on the hospital gurney.

When a nurse brings a wheelchair over, he collapses right into it. He closes his eyes and everything fades to black.