Crash and Burn

 

 

 

It’s not fair, you break the rules,

I’m always here waiting for you,

Always true to only you

You say you are too but

Am I being played a fool?

You caused me to crash

I brought you down too.

But we faced the storm.

Emerging from the murky water,

Together. Now again,

We continue to falter.

Another crash and burn

Will there be survivors this time?

Or a gloomy death.

Bright skies seem so far away.

But I will trek towards the light,

For you, get through.

Can you find your way,

Or will you stay in the dark,

In the stale, dank, death.

Reviews

[Drew Wade]

I really like this poem. i like the metaphors you use, and I especially like the structure of it.. you sometimes cut off a sentence mid line and go to the next one, and that is absolutely my favorite, because it keeps people guessing..

"Emerging from the murky water,

Together. Now again,"

that's very rarely done, but you use it to great effect.

"Or will you stay in the dark,

In the stale, dank, death."

In this, I like how you make death something concrete, and take it out of its abstract hiding place.. I would say that maybe it should end in a question, but what do I know? haha. I also like the alliteration between dark, dank, and death.. seriously, this poem was good stuff.

[~angelalala~]

"Another crash and burn

Will there be survivors this time?" i've had several of these. i loved this poem. a great write.

[Joe]

Well written. Good job!

[enuf]

very nice lauren I like your sentiment obviously heart felt well done x

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

Well done. Your writing always touches on something real and powerful. Makes emotion into tangible whisps I can almost grasp. Wonderful.
Cheers!
FF

[Curiosity and Black Ang..]

This is a simple poem. Concise and to the point, which is how I like poetry to be. Nonetheless, it does seem to flow a bit rapidly. Just my opinion. Overall, a good poem that hit home in anyone who has experienced the rigors of a relationship.

[Lyrical Love]

Felt this...
Bright skies seem so far away.

But I will trek towards the light,

For you, get through.

nicely done!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This really packs a punch... two people who seem to purposely hurt one another maybe cause both have to much pride, this has the feel of an Armageddon relationship... fabulous.

[Kathryn]

Nice. I like the contrast of water and fire. Well played.
Also, I liked the image of a plane (I am assuming, although it could be anything) crashing and the question of the presence of survivors.

Only suggestion is to go back and fix a few of the punctuation errors.

[Winter McPherson]

Nice write! Packed with emotion! I like the imagery of fire used in a relationship.