Things I Wish I Knew

I wish I could go back in time

To the first day that I intentionally deprived myself of food

And tell my fourteen year old self

That this would turn into an unstoppable cycle

For the rest of her life

That the shorts she was wearing at the time

Because it was so hot in August

Would never fit her again

And that by time the next August rolled around

She would hate her body so much

That she would rather suffer a heat stroke

Than dare to show off those dark stretch marks all over her body

I wish I could tell her

That it would be three years

Before she had the courage to tell someone

About the disease that ravaged her body

And that she would never be confident ever again

No matter the amount of support she received

From the people surrounding her

I wish I could tell her

That she would never be comfortable in a relationship again

That with every pound she gained

She would feel as though

She was slowly losing her significant other

And eventually she would just accept a life of solitude

And give up

Because no one likes the fat ones, right?

I also wish I could still convince her that was false.