Maybe Someday

Just spilling my heart out about the one and only person I have ever loved.

I have never been quite as poetical as you

You, who turned our starless sky

into a beautiful, blank canvas

You were surely the poet of the two of us

But as they say

pain is the biggest inspiration

I can sadly say with certainty

since your absence

I have never felt more inspired

The desire to write, you could say

comes almost from necessity

I’m fighting such a suffocating war

I fear I’ll never win

God knows I must find solace somewhere

‘Cause with just a glance around my room

I’m finding too many reminders of us

There’s still our picture by my bed

where we’re so happy and in love

What I wouldn’t give to live solely in that moment

I’m not in the same pain I was when you first left

That pain which was so sharp and agonizing

it could bring me to my knees

have me begging for it to end

with nothing more than a mere memory of us

Those memories are inescapable

As I’m driving through town

I start reliving our beginning

where we walked through the park

and you first took me to the reservoir

As I stop to get gas and

I can recall our late night adventures

How despite the bitter cold

our fingers remained laced together

As I’m sitting in my car now

I’m almost expecting to hear your voice

I’m drowning in the memory of our first kiss

swearing I can barely, just almost, still feel it

I’m becoming desperate to block it out

hoping music might be the answer

but Fall Out Boy comes on and

there we are again

I’m laughing as you lip sync the songs

catching your kisses between the versus

We’re acting like total idiots in your kitchen

And our smiles couldn’t be more radiant

These memories that are so beautiful

Our love, which was so innocent

I can’t stop asking myself why

How did such a pure love

turn into this deadly broken mess?

How did your gentle touch

turn into cold stares?

Your soothing voice

become so venomous?

God how badly I want to hate you

It isn’t fair that I can’t bring myself to it

Even now, as I watch you all too easily

replace my love with hers

There is a constant ache in my chest where

there was once so much hope

I felt that hope die with our last kiss

which was so swift and empty

I begin wondering if I had simply convinced myself

that there was ever a spark there

I feel stupid for how much hope I had in the first place

How I kept telling myself

if I just try hard enough

if I just believe in this enough

if I just love you enough

I could make you love me too

But that’s not how love works

and now I’m starting to run out of options

I’m begging for something to rid me of the thought of you

Hoping the burn of whiskey will ease the pain

or the vibrant red of my blood will distract me

Those are temporary solutions though and

I’m coming to a grim realization:

there’s only one way to make it stop

only one way I’m sure to forget you

and the answer is in a loaded gun

The idea is starting to look pretty damn tempting

You will not believe how dark my thoughts get

while I’m alone at 5am and I haven’t slept yet

because you are haunting all my dreams

Yet before I pull the trigger,

I flashback to a conversation,

to the distraught look on your face as you begged me

‘please promise you’ll never do this’

With my sudden hesitation, I wonder

how is it that you can simultaneously be

what’s causing me to shatter

and the only thing holding me together

The pieces of myself are held loosely in place

by the ghost of memory that’s careless enough to let me

slowly slip through it’s fingers

Because being loved by you was

the best part of my life

a feeling I will never forget

For when you love someone, darling

you love them so unconditionally

with a passion so true and bright

they begin to finally feel complete

But when you destroy them

you are a disastrous storm with no warning

that wrecks from the inside out

I’ve never seen anything as cruel

The damage being so severe and deep

the wounds may never stop bleeding

Maybe someday

I’ll manage to stand on my own

without falling apart

Maybe someday

despite parts of myself still missing

I’ll find a way to feel whole again

Maybe someday

I can look back with a smile

and find some poetic meaning behind it all

But someday isn’t today

I know someday won’t be soon

I worry someday will never come

Author's Note

Don't mind me, just spilling out my thoughts and feelings. I needed to vent so *shrugs*

I wasn't really trying to make this all that great, like I said, vent poem.. but I do enjoy criticism and reviews and such xxx

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

There is a melancholic tone in the poem, and I felt it to the core of my heart... It is a topic that totally relatable to me, I know how it feels, how every single song reminds me of my beloved... I am glad that you poured your heart here because it is such gorgeous piece of heartfelt poetry... What a beautiful and touching write my frnd...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Amber Dawn Agin]

Thank you very much for the review!