Contradicting Comfort

I find comfort in odd places;

I enjoy the breakdowns

screaming into silence

heart shattering to the floor

sobbing deep and slow

as I rip myself to pieces

The blood drips from each cut

down my arm

flowing like a river

It’s mesmerizing to watch

blood oozing unevenly from the tears of my flesh

I love the chaotic lines of anger

jagged, curved, furious

skin broken by pure rage

I love the solid lines of hurt

smooth, clear, concise

skin cut in waves of sadness

I find comfort in contradicting places;

I enjoy the aftermath

silent rooms with ticking clocks

medical supplies scattering the floor

sunrise through broken windows

seemingly saying tomorrow has come

The blood is rinsed off each cut

down the drain of my sink

there’s an ocean of pink dyed pain

It’s mesmerizing to watch

water wash away every past sin

I love washing my wounds

rinse, add peroxide, dry

stepping into a soothing rhythm

I love wrapping my wounds

gauze, bandage, tape

carefully caring for each cut

I simultaneously love tearing myself apart

and putting the pieces back together

I make my body a ritual of broken shards

constantly fit together like a puzzle

only to be shattered time and time again

There’s twisted comfort in destruction

I've found there's comfort in restoration too

they coexist;

one must be broken to be repaired

one must be repaired to be broken again

I seek comfort in such never ending cycles

and wonder how it's never found for long

Author's Note

Venting~