If I Survive.

Something I wrote in a moment of doubt.

Nobody said life would be easy.

But nobody said it would be this hard!

This is what I hung around for, hoping for better but expecting the worse.

It wasn't worth the pain and definately wasn't worth the wait.

 

Best friends are suposed to know eachother inside and out,

So maybe he is right.. We're not best friends.

Why is it so hard to say what we want and so desperately need to say?

Why are we always watching our backs.

Everyone has a right to be upset at one point or another,

So why am I being attacked for hurting?

It's almost like I'm being critisized in everyday life for feeling pain,

Because all they see is the pain I inflict on the people around me.

What do I need to do to show them that I need their support?

I don't need their sympathy, I just need to know that someone out there cares.

Cause right now, I feel so alone.

 

They wonder why I have mood swings.

I see it is because i try to speak about my emotions but only get pushed aside,

Pushed aside for a more important story about a fight he got into,

Or how hot the girl was he kissed.

I bottle it all up inside and when i eventually crack,

It is over something meaningless and I see over-dramatic.

 

The only way they can see the pain on the inside,

Is if i show it on the outside.

But I'm not that person anymore.

I overcame that and I became a stronger person...

So I thought, all it took me to realize was this mess i've made of my life.

I'm not a stronger person.

I just put up a barrier and put on a brave face.

I thought i could block out the pain with a smile.

I am at breaking point, Exactly where I was 4 years ago.

Only this time, It feels oh so much heavier on my conscience.

I can't stop thinking about the people I have hurt,

which is making the pain on my so much more unbearable.

Right now, I could end it.

End it all, my suffering, their suffering;

But would they stop and think -

Maybe we should have listened.

There was someone behind thos eyes, that smile.

HEr heart was breaking and we stood by and watched.

We watched the tears flow from her soul, as she died inside but did we notice?

 

This isn't an attack on anyone inparticular.

All this was written for was my box,

Now I'm sharing this with you.

My worst memories on paper, now for all the world to see.

Only for me to look back and prove to myself that I was worth it..

                  If I survive.

Author's Note

This one was pretty personal, but I guess I felt like sharing it.

Reviews

[A.M.P.]

Wow, that was very deep. It's unlike anything I have read before. I could really feel the pain through the words and how you wrote them. It must have been tough...=/ Great job.