Dirt Ontop of Rebels

Let's be rebels and define society.
Break all the rules, without any memories.
Step on broken shards of fallen heart,
and cut across the yards of forgotten ones.
I'll take lead, while you follow closely.
Skip the empty pools of soul, and step
ever so lightly between the patio waves.
I'll call you to, and we'll run for cover;
Flashes of light can never penetrate us.
We're too out spoken for any set limits,
and way too clever for tire swings.
Don't look back, you'll fall for sure,
Never turn around, the weeds, we'll lose.

We're almost there, just breathe lightly.
We're getting close, just run slightly.
Let's make it a game, not one commonly played,
We'll play makeup and catch up until we see sun.
You'll win once, and I'll win again,
We're wasting time until we make it to the top.
Look ahead, I see it now. The fence is grand,
But our minds are much larger, just watch.
I'll paint it out so you can see, our journey
Our adventure we'll soon be complete.

Jogging forces, and complex heaves, oh
You've fallen out and now you take your leaves.
We've fallen fast into dirt made holes,
Sleeping in a bed not ours, no.
We'll keep running, we'll keep breathing,
No matter how much dirt you put on us.

 

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I enjoyed this bit of rebellion on paper. It reminded me slightly of some D.H. Lawrence poems I have read, particularly," Be A Demon" Very good writing. I enjoyed.

[Kenji Light]

I love how the piece represents the exploits of corpses, or near-corpses from the sound of it. I get a lot from this piece. First, the message that you probably did not intend to pass on was something that I thought of as something like leaving a legacy of actions even when the life has extinguished. Or better yet, these were rebellious corpses, or people that are told that they are soon to be close to death and have no business acting out or acting at all from the way it seems. They are attempting to break free from being shackled to elderly reality. At least that's how I see it. I see people who are supposedly too old to do anything worthwhile. I just think that they are absolutely right for breaking those bonds and escaping, continuously acting and reacting to everything that is still alive and well. Even though they are being made to slow down, to lie quietly in their own tombs and leave these foreign beds no more, they resist, as we all should. It reminds me of the poem "Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night." Good job! -Kenji Light

[Lydia Shutter]

Sounds like a "you and me against the world" sort of write. Intriguing and well written. I'm glad CJ sent it my way. Lydia

[Gastroc.]

"Let's be rebels and define society.
Break all the rules, without any memories.
Step on broken shards of fallen heart,
and cut across the yards of forgotten ones." these four lines are amazing. good job overall as well.

[CJ]

nice i like it like the title alot to:)-

CJ

[[untitled]]

I really liked this poem. Life is a struggle and you make it sound that way in this piece.