Unknown yet!

A Story by Ames

About a 16 year old girl, Rae, who suddenly falls ill. Written from the perspective of her male best friend, Cam. Could it be a love story?

'I'm so sorry, there’s nothing more we can do'.

Those are the words that no human being would ever wish to hear in a hospital. Or anywhere else for that matter. If you've ever had them directed at you, or even been with some poor soul whose has it said to them, then you will know the exact feeling you get when those words are spoken. You shiver, you shake, you freeze for a moment, and then you stare. You stare at anything; the ground, a wall, you just take this action as it stops tears from running down your broken face.

She was just a girl named Rae-quite ordinary, huh? She had such a beautiful face, with stunning features; like her long brown hair which went all the way down her back, her big blue eyes which sparkled night or day, and she had the smile which when it was shown, could stop people in their tracks. I'd never met a girl like Rae before; she was perfect.

Chapter One

It was the 4^th of August 1995, the very beginning of the summer holidays. I was beautifully awoken by the big ball of fire in the sky, of which light glanced down onto my face. Nothing was going to ruin today for me, not a chance in hell. I sprung down the stairs and plunked myself down at the breakfast table, awaiting my cornflakes, which were surprisingly late for the first time ever. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those teenagers who expects everything to be handed to them on a plate- or a bowl for this matter- but in the morning, I very much am.

I don't feel guilty about that at all though, as my mother spends most her days at the office sucking up to her 'gorgeous' boss. That's right, my mother's madly in love with her boss, how cliché'. The only time I see her is every Saturday night- or morning, shall I say- when I hear her front door key struggling to find the lock, and I see her stumbling through the front door with her hot pink high heels in one hand, and a bottle of vodka in the other. All I'm going to say is, if I ever got myself involved in an argument where I had to speak about her in an elegant way, I wouldn't win.

“Cam! Hurry the hell up, you're going to be late for school!” I heard my mum shout from downstairs.

“Mum, its the summer holidays, please go back to drinking yourself into oblivion and stop nagging me!” I yelled back.

I immediately regretted my choice of wording, and slowly traipsed down the stairs to apologise. I found her slumped down on the sofa with a cup of coffee, watching an episode of Jeremy Kyle. I sat myself down by her side, placed my head on her shoulder, and whispered a sweet word of apology in her ear. She's smiling back at me now; I've been forgiven.

“So, what's my favourite 16 years old up to today then?” she said softly, before taking a sip of her coffee.

“I was thinking of going to see Rae, actually, she's not been feeling great after the break up with Dan” I answered back.

“Poor girl. You know, Cam, you've always been very good to her, do ya think something bigger than friendship could blossom between the two of you” she says cheekily whilst giving me a nudge.

“Very funny, Mum, you should be on stage” I say, without giving her idea too much thought at that moment.

But I do quite a lot of the time. I lay in bed every night, my eyes glued to the ceiling while I wonder what she's doing at the exact same moment. I'd love to spend a night with her. I wouldn't be staring into space, questioning if she wants to be with me as much I want her, she would be there in my arms, and I'd be gazing into her pretty little eyes until she falls asleep.

© 2014 Ames

Author's Note

Ignore spelling errors, its just the first snippet that I want your opinion on to see if I should continue with it. Thanks all, muchly appreciated!

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Featured Review

emipoemi

Ames......this is exquisite! This is what I'm talking about! This is the mark of a writer! You don't have any spelling errors - or many errors for that matter - but you have some grammar and sense errors which you're best to take a look at:

- "....poor soul whose has it said to them" - "poor soul *who's had it said to them" and further along, better to not repeat "those words" as we already understand that you're talking about the words.

- "I'm not one of those teenagers..." - "I'm not *generally one of those teenagers....." (it would make the last protion of that sentence make more sense)

- 4th of August = beginning of summer holidays? On what planet? In the western hemisphere, that's the beginning of the last quarter of summer and in the eastern, it's the middle of the winter.

- If Cam's jab at his mother doesn't get him any immediate punishment, there should be a line for the readers to understand the situation, and therefore be able to add their emotional responses to Cam's apology. Cam's jab even sounds a bit awkward in its wording.

But everything else is be-yu-tee-ful!! Honestly!! You set the stage expertly, and I'm intrigued. I wanna find out more. Well freaking done!!