Sepia Straining

celebrate your victory
turn around you flaming
fleas scurry desperately
why must it be desperately
desperation was not one of my A grades
so soft inside here, a word
cherished as water recycles
all those other dirty things
give it up just arms in the air
please don't mock me
why must it be so annihilating?
annihilation was not one of my A grades
trusting turns the key
makes every lock into a gossamer thing
veiled eyes and innocent struts 
turns peacock then hard c**k
and then i took
suppose i did not
and dreams destroyed this vital thing
this red and beating blue bird heart thing
this my only shimmered crystal thing
smashed as her hands were shaking
why must it be so frighteningly real
reality was not one of my A grades
blue moon stirred into sun
a smear of colour on everyone
faces turned into torched peach
horizon making love and screaming
a voice "why not me"
emptying a swirrled curled need 
a need so simple as believe
strutting a new victory
turn around you flaming
fleas scurry desperately
desperation was not one of my A grades
why must it be your everything?