"WHAT MAKES YOU SO SAD? I THINK YOU'RE THE SADDEST GIRL I'VE EVER MET"

Ethereal rabbit fur coat

Wrapped gently about your shoulders before

Your shoulders folded in on themselves

And your hair was all translucent gold

Shining like the heart of the void that

Touched your pupils and clung;

A plague.

Then,

Gone were the days of your childish lilt

Lost to pathways of a labyrinthine imagination

You ingénue

You forest of a woman

Leaving men half-cocked, trapped

In the penumbra of your mother’s, mother’s nose

You are petrichor in the depths of chapels in Venice

Where you saw the mummified saint

Smaller than you were

that seeded the skepticism

you nurture still;

a miracle in the pocket of your

iron will.

That is why he notices your lithe limbs

When they

Pause with some inexplicably graceful motion

Whist reading a novel you’re only half paying attention to

And that is why the scintilla is always enough

Busting up into micro-fireworks all across his brain and chest and genitals

Like vestigial hopefulness

At the end of it all

And then, and so on, and so forth

I guess.

Author's Note

the closest thing I'll ever write to an autobiography. also, a picture of me

Reviews

[ChemicalMadness]

Fantastically done. I like how there is such an air of formality established, only to be shattered in the 3rd stanza and left to gently trail off in the 4th. Very well done.

CM

[Simon Welsh]

I love it. The use of language is appealing. Absolutely beautiful.

[Ken Simm.]

Words like brushstrokes. Various colours, various textures, various speeds, various feelings. All becoming one piece, one remarkable painted picture.

[Gerald Parker]

A spellbinding maturity in your writing, the journey well underway. Some trouble with ' penumbra of your mother’s, mother’s nose' - do you mean ' penumbra of your mother’s mother’s nose'? Is he being trapped in the penumbra of your grandmother's nose - is it a very big nose?

[anamezic]

Thank you. I'll pull that comma out. My mother and my grandmother both have distinct noses –not large per se, but long and pointy (we're European).
My nose is similar to theirs and I like to imagine men getting trapped in the shadow of it, because it's a point of contention for me, but all of my past lovers have complimented my looks endlessly. I think of it as a hex; they can't see me as I am because they're "trapped in the penumbra of my mother's mother's nose.

[Gerald Parker]

We don't all have long pointy noses!

[anamezic]

You can kind of see it in my picture, haha!

[Gerald Parker]

Looks like a fine nose to me! I don't think the reference to your nose works. I'd remove it.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

A pure, honest and truthful write from beginning to end. I like the wording and phrasing and the imagery is great. The fur over the slowly hunching shoulders, the weakness behind the facade...well done. I look forward to reading more.