Eager To Be One With You

Eager To Be One With You

A Poem by Angel Bella
"

Some lines that could bring the heat and ice to your mind.

"

For you I would rather die and live 
I would sink and rise
I would kill the world 
And wait for you to blew my spirit 
I am all into the one 
Into you my everlasting keeper

© 2013 Angel Bella


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Reviews

Kind of a desperate love, I'm not sure if that's how you meant it to read though. But I liked it just for the fact that it comes off as someone who would do anything for their love. I feel like you could expound a little more though, you could turn it into a tragic love story, or have it evolve into a tale of love turned to hate.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Short poem, well written. Theme came from the life like "Live or Die". Nice flow of ink.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Thanks for your time.
Love this work. So true. Keep writing.
Leo

Posted 10 Years Ago


Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Thank You.
This is the true intensity of prayer that we need. I need to tell that to ourselves. God is within us, we have arouse the almighty :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Thank you, this is more than what my work really deserve.
A beautiful spiritual piece of poetry..Tony**

Posted 10 Years Ago


Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Thanks for your time :)
Anthony Hall

10 Years Ago

You're welcome, Angel..Tony**
A splendid read and write...Pen on...:)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Thanks and welcome.
Sami Khalil

10 Years Ago

You are welcome...:)
This is an interesting write...I like the concise nature and the way that the words flow together. You were very careful with what words you chose and that illicited a certain emotion that was quite beautiful. Love...it can be our "everlasting keeper"--less the person and more the feeling.

Suggestions:

These two lines seem to be slight off--

And wait for you to blew my spirit -- I'm wondering if you mean "blow" my spirit of "blue", as in the color? I would suggest "And wait for you to claim my spirit", because you are speaking of the pure giving nature of love...you are offering and waiting for your love to "claim" you.

I am all into the one -- Again, I'm wondering if you meant "I am completely into you", as in speaking to your lover, or "I am completely into the one", the "one" being the all encompassing being of spirit? I would suggest:
And wait for you to claim my spirit
I am completely into the one --
Into you my everlasting keeper

I think by adding "claim" and taking out the phrase "all into", the piece flows nicer. Anyway, just my thoughts. Overall, though, I really enjoyed this one! I will definitely be back to read more!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Welcome Sarah. I will consider your valuable suggestions :D
Very cathartic, and very personal! Very much enjoyed this :D

Posted 10 Years Ago


Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Thanks for the nice comment Elinor.
I think the tittle should have "EVERLASTING KEEPER"... isn't it. but your one's also nice... i liked this piece much from heart. It's again contained some Rhyme and the last two llines're heartfelt lines'. Beautiful job once again. Write some more stuffs.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Poetry is just a quick impulse trough words. This short poem is complete to me and I do not think i.. read more
Inspiring Writer

10 Years Ago

lol, well, that's great too if you don't wanna continue it... lol it's Nice as it is now. Ii just sa.. read more
Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

whatever suits you lol
My favorite is "I would kill the world."
Such a powerful words, I love it!


Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Angel Bella

10 Years Ago

Thanks and welcome.

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Added on July 29, 2013
Last Updated on July 29, 2013

Author

Angel Bella
Angel Bella

Lebanon



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