Black and white photo

Albert's Poetry Cafe ~ Poet Craft: Form "The Huitain" with Salvatore! - Stanzas : 1/ Lines : 8/ Syllables : 8 per line/ Rhyme : a b a b b c b c

Two little girls hand in hand, bind

Indomitable, eterne play 

The past, as it is holding to mind

And there, my sister and I will stay

Looking at the same side of sunny day

Hand in hand, smile for eternity

Today we have our different way

about life and life absurdity.

 

Reviews

[Jenny Nelson]

A very pleasant memory and picture is conveyed here. "Life absurdity." I really like that phrase. Quite appropriate. A clever and enjoyable write. Nice!

[angelina neves]

In the “on line dictionary” Eterne: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/eterne
–adjective Archaic.: eternal.

As for: "indomitable" I was putting a “stop” after “bind”:

Two little girls hand in hand, bind (.)

Indomitable, eterne play
The past, as it is holding to mind…

As for the “8 syllables”, as I’m not very good at counting syllables in English and I couldn’t see what went wrong I went to: http://www.wordcalc.com/ And here is the result I got: all of them are 8 syllables!!!!

[Frances O'Neill]

Nice flashback to something that never changes, a photo!

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Your rhymes are fine, but you need to go back and make each line 8 syllables long. Also, check out line 2. No such word as "eterne." Also, "indomitable" in the context of that line must be an adverb, "indomitably."

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Very good!

[Holly-Marie]

I really liked this. Very nicely written. I especially like the last line, a brilliant ending to your poem.

[No Longer Writing Here]

Very nicely written.