Juniper Dream

This is a song that I was inspired to write by one of my favorite songs "Lottie Lies Among the Flowers" by The Willis Clan. Besides this I really have no other description...

Juniper dream,

Of the day,

When everything,

Will be okay.

You'll walk away,

With every shadow of the rain,

Turned to day.

You'll forgive and forget,

And nothing will disturb your summer set.

Juniper don't cry.

Set the world aside.

Promise me you'll try,

To sing this lullaby.

"Down by the river,

I felt a shiver.

A fairy's quiver,

Full of flowers...

Brushed against my arm,

And every day's harm,

Was left far behind."

Juniper dream,

Of the day,

When everything,

Will be okay.

The winter rain,

Will turn away.

And suddenly,

You'll seize the day.

You'll forgive and forget,

And nothing will disturb your summer set.

Juniper, open those eyes,

To the wonderful surprise,

Of all the sunshine,

Living in your life.

Set your face,

Towards the grace,

Of the golden summer days.

Set your heart to the breeze,

And be swept away,

From that winter freeze.

Juniper dream,

Of the day,

When everything,

Will be okay.

The winter rain,

Will turn away,

And suddenly,

You'll seize the day.

You'll forgive and forget,

And nothing will disturb your summer set.

Now Juniper flies,

Across the skies.

And by and by,

Those tears ran dry.

All she ever seems to do is smile.

Forever dreaming on a summer day.

Author's Note

This is the first piece of writing that I have ever published or really let anyone critique, so I hope that you would have grace. I will take all the feedback I can get though.

Reviews

[kitty blur]

I can totally see this as a song. I enjoyed the flow of it, and how the story went from comforting someone and helping them move forward to finally seeing that person happy again. That's what I got out of it, at least, and because of that, I think this poem holds a little bit of hope and inspiration in it. If it was a song, I think it'd sound upbeat. I also enjoyed the nature aspect of it. It made me think that the same way nature grows, people grow, too. And I think the parallelism in that is cool to think about, whether you did that on purpose or not.

The lullaby in the middle of the poem: was that a side thing that you wrote, or was it a reference from some other source? Was it from the song that you said inspired you to write this poem? I really liked the sound of it either way. It stuck to me, maybe because it had a slightly different writing style than the rest of the poem or maybe because it just gave some nice imagery.

If I had any critique, it would be to maybe lessen the repetition of those key phrases. I think they'd have more of an impact if they were maybe only written twice each. It'd also be nice to see more non-repetitive lines. They let me get to know the person you were writing about a little more and helped me understand the story.

Overall, though, this was a nice read. :)

[Savannah Bailey]

Thank you so much for the feedback!
The parallelism was not done on purpose, but thank you for bringing it up. It is definitely something that I should think about when I am trying to write.
The lullaby in the middle happened to be something I came up with on the spot.
And thank you for your critique. I will most definitely think about it when I am writing.

[Tilly]

Both of your poems are touching and amazing Savannah. Are you are young writer like me? I hope you share more of your beautiful work

[Alex Carter]

Absolutely stunning! I loved the feel and flow as I read. I so so wish I could hear the tune to this song. It gave me shivers running up and down my spine. The emotion is palpable and intense. You can see the love and hope the writer of the song is trying to give Juniper. Now I need to go listen to the song that inspired you! :) Thanks for sharing!

[Alex Carter]

I didn't pick up on the Celtic feel to the poem when I originally read it, but after listening to the song that inspire you, I can totally feel it. Great job!

[Savannah Bailey]

Thank you so much for the encouragement! It is so very helpful.