Comatose

12 word horror story contest ~ Winner Thank you Zahra for hosting and judging.

~ rhythmic. thuds.  ~ 

~ of earth. ~

~ disguised. screams. ~

~ and scraping. ~ 

~ beneath the. ~

~ casket. lid. ~

Reviews

[SleeplessVolcano]

I think this worked brilliantly.......Thoughts going through either the mind of the person in the casket, or the one hearing any screams.......would mimic a rhythm, and quite frankly, when I read this out loud, it sounds like a beating heart - quite apt, for one about to die due to suffocation.

I was nine years old when my older brother told me stories of people buried alive hundreds of years ago, but they were not really dead, and then the casket bumping against the bottom of the grave gave their hearts a jolt and they started breathing.....only to discover their horrible fate.......I labelled those nightmares, "The casket chronicles".......0:

[ANTO]

SV I wrote this after reading of a teen girl who came round after being put in her tomb in a mausoleum - her family videoed themselves smashing open the tomb (alabaster or thin marble, I think). I remember seeing a program which said bells were attached to some graves so the occupant could ring if they came to. - the stuff of nightmares...
:))

[Einstein Noodle]

works well for me! i read somewhere some when that in the old days people were buried with a line from inside the casket to the surface and tied to a bent rod with a bell on the end ... just in case ;)
E.

[Motherless]

The absolute worse thing you could experience would be scraping the lid of your own coffin from the inside!
Shuddering just thinking about it.

[RomaJ]

Nail breaking in bloody muted screams. Yikes. The horror. Wonderfully done. I wish to be cremated now...haha

[Rita L. Sev]

Ooh! I like the images this conjures, Anto! I struggle with this sort of writing, but you did this masterfully!

[Philip Muls]

The ultimate nightmare, being buried alive. Disguised by the layers of soil, desparate screaming, beyond hope.

Love it, it works.

[Valentine]

This would indeed be a horror story if the noises came from the casket at the funeral. Great write. Valentine

[MelissaAndres]

Oh wow! Very chilling tale in just these few short words! Gave me goosebumps! Good job!

[Corset]

you nailed it Anto! I hope you win!

[Nila M.]

Probably the most horrific thing imaginable. I heard at one point in the 19th century they actually had bells attached to caskets that ran up to the surface. I love the layout. This gave me a shudder.

[Alisa Js]

Aloha ANTO,

This one is super scary?😱😱😱😱

I think you achieved your objective.

I trust all is well...
Alisa💫

[ANTO]

Aloha Alisa - thank you very much for your kind words. Always a pleasure to see you. Im fine thanks. How are you? :)

[Alisa Js]

Hello my friend from across land and sea...

I have been better, but thank you for asking. I am recovering from the loss of two friends recently, one in August, the other in December...

Death is always unexpected, especially when it comes suddenly...

Looking forward to reading more of your work along with your thoughts on some of mine.

Alisa ;-0