FINAL PIECE: The Parting Message of a Writer to her Muse

(moving on and letting go)

It’s been six months.  Unbelievable.  That’s how fast time flies.

I’ve kept my silence for half a year.  Nothing had been heard of from me.  I’ve become a recluse, drowned myself in sorrow until I was able to gather what little ounce of strength I had left and resurface from the pits of Hell.

You were my MUSE.

My sole inspiration.  The one who got the key to open “the sealed box” which used to be my heart.  You made me feel.  You made this heart feel alive.  But you were also the one who broke it to pieces and brought me down from the pedestal you’ve put me.  Because of you my heart died.But that’s all in the past now.

I am getting better now.   Ive kept my silence because I needed time to assess myself, to strengthen myself on my own.  I needed to become person I used to be, not the foolish one I was reduced into.

So please respect my decisions.  Respect my silence.  I no longer want to hear anything from you.  I don’t know what to believe anymore.  I can no longer distinguish the lies from reality.  Every word you say, every revelation you make, just aggravate the injury, the severity of what you’ve done.  And it makes me lose the self control I’ve been nourishing these past months.  I no longer want to feel the pain and then the anger all over again.  I no longer want to be a slave for these negative emotions.  I want to find a way to heal myself and find my way.  So just STOP.

DAMAGES.

Everything around us fell apart, that you know all too well.  I don’t want to reminisce the pain it brought me and the people around us.  We can never bring things back together like how they used to be.  We’ll just keep on hurting those people who believed in us, and we’ll just end up destroying each other.  I no longer want to blame you or anyone else.  It’s pointless to do so.

SORRY.

That’s all you can say.  Over and over again.  I pity that word, it’s been clearly abused, OVERUSED.  I wonder what it means anymore or if really means anything.  That’s the reason why I really hate it when someone says sorry.  I feel like it’s just an excuse to do the same mistake all over again.  So please spare me all your acts of asking for forgiveness.

PUNISHMENT.

I’m in no position to punish you, though vengeance used to be my cup of tea back to the time when I was ruled by my temper.  I’ve turned my back on plots of revenge and the path of rage.  I’ll just self destruct if I do that then I’ll be the one to lose in the end (you know how much I hate losing).  So the punishment that you were talking about, you won’t get it from me.  You’re not worth it anymore.  You’re not worth anything from me at all.

CHOICE.

You made yours when you chose to drag me to hell, when you made me believe in your lies and betrayed me in the end.  I admit I had been a fool, a slave for my emotions.  But now, I made my choice too.  I’ve chosen to walk this path, the path of survival, the path of LIFE.  I no longer want to linger in the company of the shadows.  I’m no longer the Mistress of the Night and hide in the abyss of darkness.  So if you are worried that I’m dancing with death these past months, I’m not.

THANK YOU

Ironic as it seems, but I want to thank you still.  I want to thank you for all the years we’ve spent together (though I’m not sure if any of it was true).  It was good while it lasted.  Now you’ve just become one of the remnants of a past I’ve chosen to bury behind, a memory of a dream.  Thank you for making me realize that I am stronger than what I seem to be.  That’s all.

I’m no longer mourning the love I had lost.  I’m no longer longing for my MUSE (that used to be you).  I’ve found my “inner peace” now.  Step by step (baby steps to be precise),  I’m getting back on track and soon, I know I’ll find my happiness once again.

True happiness.

I will continue to write..

My passion lives on.  I can feel it deep inside me.  Growing.  Raging.  It didn’t die when I lost you.

At first I thought that without my muse, the tales of heartache have finally began and everything would be forever lost, the fire would wither away.  I never expected I can still be inspired without you.  It cost me a lot but there’s no problem with that.  In due time, in HIS time, HE will send me another MUSE.  Someone who will inspire me more and bring out the best in me.  Someone who will not only stay for a reason or for a season, but for a lifetime, someone will join me in this journey called “LIFE”.

I will wait for that MUSE.Until then, I’m a wandering writer, just another ordinary writer.

So this is it now, MY LAST FAREWELL.