First off, the negative, just so we can get all that unsavory business out of the way. Thankfully, there's very little of it here. The only noticeable syntax error I detected was that you used "bounded" instead of "bound", but that's rather insignificant when held up against the whole poem, which is quite a wonderful little piece.
As I said in my previous review, of your poem "LIFE", the sentiments you are expressing have been expressed many times before to the point where they approach cliche, and while the way you write of them isn't exactly unique, per say, you do an excellent job of making those emotions seem real and genuine. After all, we, as human beings, are linked by our emotions, and so it's only to be expected that we feel such a desire to reiterate feelings such as these.
Your poem perfectly captures both the emptiness and the fulfillment inherent in life, contrasting the endless night with the warm embrace of a fellow human being. I like it.
In terms of a title, I'm afraid that I'm not struck by any particularly vivid ideas. Titles have never been my strong suit, and I wish you luck in finding one that you deem suitable.
Good luck in your future poetic endeavors. For now, I bid thee adieu- CT
I'm not too good with titles myself, sorry. And I liked reading this; it accords universal proportions to the idea of love, which we all tend to do when we are writing on the subject. Cliched? Maybe. But I don't find anything wrong with that. Keep writing! :)
First off, the negative, just so we can get all that unsavory business out of the way. Thankfully, there's very little of it here. The only noticeable syntax error I detected was that you used "bounded" instead of "bound", but that's rather insignificant when held up against the whole poem, which is quite a wonderful little piece.
As I said in my previous review, of your poem "LIFE", the sentiments you are expressing have been expressed many times before to the point where they approach cliche, and while the way you write of them isn't exactly unique, per say, you do an excellent job of making those emotions seem real and genuine. After all, we, as human beings, are linked by our emotions, and so it's only to be expected that we feel such a desire to reiterate feelings such as these.
Your poem perfectly captures both the emptiness and the fulfillment inherent in life, contrasting the endless night with the warm embrace of a fellow human being. I like it.
In terms of a title, I'm afraid that I'm not struck by any particularly vivid ideas. Titles have never been my strong suit, and I wish you luck in finding one that you deem suitable.
Good luck in your future poetic endeavors. For now, I bid thee adieu- CT
the first thing that comes to mind for a title is Invisible hand. You are reaching out to someone with all of your soul. You may not be together in body...but in spirit you long to connect with this beautiful energy. Invincible hands dancing with the night...joined together in song.
A interesting poem. "Take my hand" should be the title. I like the ghostly feel of this poem. You create a interesting situation with this poem. I like the ending of the outstanding poetry.
Coyote
Amila write fine poetry. And the title is excellent, why not leave it as Untitled ?
The excellent lines you have written bring over your intention well, what I especially like is the power you evoke with simple words that describe complex feelings.
Good one.
Hello everyone, My name is Amila and I'm 22.
I love listening to music, taking down lyrics, doing research, writing, playing video games, watching movies, etc...
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