Haunted Past

(the guy that i'm talking about in this poem is the guy that stabbed my mom and i two years ago)

I sit here shaking

as tears stream down my cheeks

my sanity is breaking

depression starts to peek.

 

Through my hearts saddness

I grip a shining razor

you drove me into madness

hopefully suicide will be my saviour

 

with shaking fingers

I place the blade on my wrist

in my head your voice lingers

I cry and give the blade a twists

 

as blood starts to seep out

I feel a flick of pain

feeling full of doubt

outside it starts to rain

 

blood continues to flow

I wanna make it stop

but my blood continues to go

soon my heart is gonna stop

 

I feel so right

but also full of dread

because I know I'll die tonight

with the though of you in my head.

 

 

Author's Note

this is a poem that i wrote 2 years ago when i was dignosed with severe depresseion and before i was on medicine. i felt that i sould share it to show other people what are some of the things that go on inside of mentally ill people. and help widen their understanding.

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

This breaks my freakin' heart!! I have read other poems by you, and I am loving what you share...... a lot!! I have burned, scarred, pierced, cut my vein out, ripped muscle etc..... I'm glad you don't do it anymore. It's personal/romantic/soothing/dark and nasty at the same time. The cleanup is chaotic and stressful, and all the while we make excuses as to why THAT part is so important. lol It DOES get crazy going through that! It's funny how deceiving it is for others to see a pretty girl like you, and know nothing of what bubbled and darkened just under the surface. Good for you, for breaking free of it, and I hope you do not channel it into something that is addicting in your future like friends of mine did. They can't do ANYTHING anymore, where they are. I love the poem.... bad memories. xoxo -Mark

[ashlyn vik]

thank you. i still to this day get urges to cut when i get extremely upset, but its a lot easier for me to control it now than it was then. and no due to my past with my family and stuff i wont let it turn into another addiction

[Patrick Henry]

That is an awesome answer!! You're beautiful and you write with an open heart. That's hard to do when emotions start rising to the surface and even when they are descending again, it's hard sometimes to make sure that what you are trying to get out actually DOES come out right...... without trying to edit it 100 times!! I LOVE the way you write, ashlyn vik, and from the very start I saw your page and began to read you, I know that will continue. You can't explain it to someone who is younger that these feelings and ways of handling extreme issues in extreme ways are going to lessen over time. It takes practice, honest friends to care for you for unselfish reasons, and a beautiful heart to see not only how important you are and what YOU mean to others, but how gorgeous you are and accidentally inspiring you are and will become to others!! LOVE your profile pic!! lol ....that's cute. xoxo -Your Mark

[Martha Gilleece]

this is very brave of you to post. that proves you're a good writer, a real writer...as one also suffering from depression i understand where you're coming from..writing helps me so i hope you can escape through your words too

[ashlyn vik]

thank you so much :) writing does help me i'm glad it helps you too