Until I'm Just Right

Until I'm Just Right

A Poem by Ashleyx

I really hope that when I die

I become the ocean on the shore

So that I can still be who I am

In a different shape than before


When you should dip you toes in me

You’ll say I’m or cold or rough

You‘ll just watch from the shore

And wait until I’m warm enough


But if you decide to swim

Despite the wind or bitter bite

I’ll be sure its worth your time

And the waves- just right


I wont always be the biggest wave

I’ll be the nightly seaside song

You wont always notice I’m there

But you certainly miss me if I’m gone

© 2011 Ashleyx


Author's Note

Ashleyx
first draft! tell me what you think!

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Reviews

"When you should dip you toes in me
You’ll say I’m or cold or rough"

These need to be revised. And the last stanza, the flow doesn't fit the rest of the poem. But for the most part I love this piece.

Posted 8 Years Ago


i like it

Posted 8 Years Ago


Like the honesty and meanings hidden beneath the waves of your words, to get to know you beneath the exterior of a hardened mind wizened by experience is worth it, you are more than they think and though many know you there are few who brave you, when you leave you would like to stay in memory and therefore still here as is the ocean constant and free though not always what we expect. Very fluid.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Just stumbled across you on the 'online writers' section. Picked a piece by random. Loved every second. That last stanza was just beautiful. It's almost so straightforward it's genius but also really powerful.

Posted 8 Years Ago


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Liz
I'd have to say the first and last stanzas are definitely my favorite. Which is a compliment because the first and last stanzas should be the strongest in a poem.
You did a good job describing how you want your life-after-death experience to be(:

Posted 8 Years Ago


I like the poem. My goal is my ashes to be tossed into the sea. The place where I felt the most peace. My Grandfather told us. "Toss my ashes at Bell Isle. (A small island for Detroit people to swim and play) If you are lucky. I will come and see you there." I like the description of the ocean. To be a spirit of the sea would be a great honor. A excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


Very poetic! I like it! great job! :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


this is great! good job

Posted 8 Years Ago


This is sooo lovely, I wouldn't change a thing.
Love the rhyming as it flowed easily and great
imagery...

Posted 8 Years Ago


I like it ! the sea is always a great backdrop ~

Posted 8 Years Ago



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10 Reviews
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Added on January 27, 2011
Last Updated on January 27, 2011

Author

Ashleyx
Ashleyx

NJ



About
My name is Ashley, i am one of a kind, but really nothing special. I write, i dance, i live, i play. i love getting reviews, they make my life. So please if you wouldn't mind, please read something.. more..

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