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Having an imagination incredibly vivid drawn from childhood trauma. bright, full with the broken reality of imagination and realism daily is a world broken. the unchecked trauma, continued broken split reality has lost the mind in a habitual routine. The routine is of fantasy, self projected lies, responses to reality situations daily unknown without thought if the mind is making decisions from a projected reality or a reality that is real. Naive to knowing the difference is years of avoidance to trauma. a vast amount of years pass and habits, blending of true reality left a cold, dark emptiness. You are aware with sudden knowing and with a habitual instant move to adjust in the only way you can exist. The moment you stop and acknowledge this moment, the self becomes Dark and dark past gray, red and any existential way to Brighten from the darkness. Oneself then exist in motions until the darkness becomes dry and hardened. Once hard, removed and buried, the mind can layer a brighter self as a layer to cover and advance yourself. years and over years of layers, the mind is of hundreds of colors, memories and thoughts, pain and idealism. the known existence is to layer and dry the past with haste. This I know gentlemen is not healthy, judgement that attacks self has thickened the bright colors with mixed emotions of color, then brownish mixed colors overwhelm. The ending in blackness to once again repeats the new layer. repeat take repeat and repeat.