25

That feeling you get when you turn 25

[#1] 25

I'll turn 25 tomorrow. I don't know what it is about birthdays that make you excited and hopeful, but I found myself feeling the exact same thing. The only problem was, it's gone as soon as the clock struck midnight, like I've woken up from some kind of spell.

Sighing, I stared at the ceiling and said, "Happy birthday to me."

My day was set-- I was to eat out with my family first. I even had my outfit picked! I was gonna rock a pretty black dress and pair it with my new boots. I was so excited to try something new but alas, my mind changed last minute. I'd say that I didn't manage to wake up early because I was never a morning person, but I'd be fooling myself. 

The dread set in the moment I heard my alarm go off. As I shield my eyes from the light dancing through the curtains, I realized I didn't want to go anymore. After all, it wasn't as if I was celebrating myself. What's waiting for me was another set of routine I've grown used to because it's "what I'm supposed to do" and not something "I want to do."

The original schedule was nothing special-- it's what we always do. We were going to church, eat out, walk around and maybe do some shopping? It wasn't awful, but we already attended church two days prior because it was Sunday. Twice a week is overkill. Hell, even going once is a drag. Still, I do it because I'm a "good girl." It'll also just be me and my Mom because my Dad has to work. His life seems to revolve around his company these days. My Mom and I are also on different pages lately. I'm not the tiny bit interested about other people's business. What's it about people randomly telling others about their problems, anyway? It's better to talk to the other party and address the issue if you ask me. Some therapy might help too, maybe? I love both of them, but I'm at a loss. I guess I'm just trying to cope with the fact that they weren't the heroes I made them out to be. They're just normal people who's trying their best everyday. 

I wondered, "Would it be so selfish to spend the day by myself?" and that's exactly what I did. I got myself some food and played video games in my room the whole day. Work is scarce lately, so I had all the time in the world. 

It's funny thinking how plain my "special" day turned out to be. Isn't the norm to have a huge gathering, a cake, some booze and karaoke? I don't think it matters anymore though. What's important is that I got to celebrate on my own terms. I had a lot of fun, and that's all I really wanted. I can't wait to see where I'll go from here. 

I put my pen and paper aside as I turn off the lights and get myself ready for sleep.

Smiling, I stared at the ceiling and said, "Happy birthday to me."

Author's Note

This was originally a rant that turned out to be much more. Struggling a bit with tenses, it feels inconsistent.

Reviews

[Julian]

Whenever your birthday was, best wishes for a new trip around the sun; you mention tenses, or in your words, inconsistency, but I found it quite good, a sort of stream of consciousness internal dialogue put into print; One of my favorite lines was about your parents not being the heroes that you thought they were in your childhood - "They're just normal people who's trying their best everyday. : and THAT is a rare insight. I remember when I was in my 20s, and I often felt that my own parents were so unlearned and out of touch= but then as I aged, I began to understand the sacrifices they had made for me, and the hardships that their lives had put them through, from their horrid childhoods up until they met, and even after- sorry if I am rambling, Just saying, I am glad you found a way to enjoy your day and wish you many more days of happiness, health and peace.

[Azure Sky]

Thank you so much! This means a lot to me.

[Julian]

All the best to you and yours.