How Teenagers Self-Destruct

“She’s so pretty.” I whispered in my head. I didn’t want her to snap her head around, and with those big beautiful brown eyes, read my judgmental mind.

           

“Breathe.” I thought, “She’s not Edward. She can’t hear thoughts.”

 

At the thought of Edward, my spine tingled. “I can’t believe Stephenie Meyer already released Breaking Dawn and I already read it. Back to searching the shelves of our totally crappy library.”

 

“She read tem faster.” I suddenly realized.

 

“Zach did too.”

 

“But Zach isn’t perfect. He is just gifted. She’s beautiful and smart.” To myself I whined in despair. “She parties and has at least 3 points on me in GPA.”

 

“Well, don’t like her then.”

 

“But, I don’t have a good reason not to like her.”

 

“True. But she’s not perfect. She walks funny.”

 

“I’m short.”

 

“Her shoes are ugly.”

 

“So, mine are old.”

 

“Stop it!”

 

“Stop what? Admiring her?”

 

“Yes, it’s not healthy.”

 

“But it’s true. I know it’s true. She’s perfect at absolutely everything and I’m NOT!!”

 

…

 

“Wow.”

 

“Yeah, really dramatic. I need to stop.”

 

Silence followed. My mind was suddenly blank. But no one else knew that.

 

Every 8 seconds there is a pause in a conversation.

 

“Kendall likes her more than me.”

I contemplated a counter thought.

 

“Has Kendall been a good friend lately?”

 

Again, silent thought.

 

“No. She’s very hostile. It really bothers me. She acts like I’m irrational for having emotions and opinions.”

 

“See? So why does it matter that Hillary is the object of anxiety and frustration?”

 

“It doesn’t.” I admitted weakly to myself. “It doesn’t matter at all.”

 

Now I was satisfied. Friends had left me before. Nothing new.

 

“Just let it go.”

 

“Already did.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Besides, I made a four on the AP Test.”

 

“Hillary did too.” Antagonizing…no, testing the thought.

 

“But I expected her a five. And she made a four. I mad a four. I don’t need brown eyes.”

 

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