Barricade.........

Barricade.........

A Poem by barricade
"

More than meets the eye...........................

"

I am the wind that blows,
giving you shivers as it goes.


I am the water that flows,
leaving you cold as it touches your toes.


I am the fire that burns,
with passion and aggression that churns.


I am a vivid dream,
that leaves you in a silent scream.


I am the one phenomenon,
that has no explanation.


I am the one and only,
determined and unruly.


I am the wicked wise,
who dons the unmasked disguise.


I am clarity and confusion,
a realistic illusion.


I am the silent reprise,
a phoenix rising with each sad demise.


I am the heart that's broken,
screaming the words unspoken.


I am the rock, the wall,
that stands even while others fall.


I don't care what you judge me by cos there's a lot more to me than what meets your eye!!!

© 2013 barricade


Author's Note

barricade
Ehhh....

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I finally re-reviewed! You should be grateful, lol...

Okay, there are a few things I picked up on, second time round. This doesn’t mean you have to revise it, but I just thought I’d share them.

~I am the wind that blows
Giving you shivers as it goes~

I’m not actually sure about using the word ‘goes’ but that doesn’t really matter.

~I am the one phenomenon
That has no explaination~

Two things- sounds a little arrogant, and ‘explaination’ should be ‘explanation’.

~I am the one and only~

But I think this one you can get away with. It doesn’t sound as arrogant.

~I dont care what you judge me by cos there's a lot more to me than what meets your eye!!!~

‘Dont’ should be ‘don’t’.

You’ve still used ‘scream’ twice in the poem, but I guess you can get away with that too J

I like this version a lot better. Well done!


Posted 13 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I love the repetition, or rather the literal rhythm given to it by the structure. Additionally you create a piece that sweeps through the senses, clever. Very enjoyable.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

IT IS MOST DEFINATLY NOT EHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Is Awsome! Why Say EHHH!
this is going in my favorites file!

love,
reca-becca

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the edginess and cocky confidence. It breaths anger and defiance in an appealing way. Great ending to sum it all up. Super!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I finally re-reviewed! You should be grateful, lol...

Okay, there are a few things I picked up on, second time round. This doesn’t mean you have to revise it, but I just thought I’d share them.

~I am the wind that blows
Giving you shivers as it goes~

I’m not actually sure about using the word ‘goes’ but that doesn’t really matter.

~I am the one phenomenon
That has no explaination~

Two things- sounds a little arrogant, and ‘explaination’ should be ‘explanation’.

~I am the one and only~

But I think this one you can get away with. It doesn’t sound as arrogant.

~I dont care what you judge me by cos there's a lot more to me than what meets your eye!!!~

‘Dont’ should be ‘don’t’.

You’ve still used ‘scream’ twice in the poem, but I guess you can get away with that too J

I like this version a lot better. Well done!


Posted 13 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

"I am the heart that's broken
screaming the words unspoken
I am the rock, the wall
That stands even while others fall."
by far my favorite lines of this poem. An amazing write filled with emotion and passion. one of my favorites :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is amazing apple...i love it....everyone is more than what meets pplz eyes...i think i said that right...lol
Great Job :}

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You're quite the complicated guy...haha. No, this was really great! I loved all the comparisons and descriptions that make up you!

"I am clarity and confusion
A realistic illusion"

Realistic illusion...isn't that an oxymoron? :p And what's with the "ehh"? This was amazing, a real insight to your thoughts ans who you are. I especially like:

"I am the heart that's broken
screaming the words unspoken"

We're all that broken heart at some point...so that was vividly real. All in all, really great poem. Nice to meet you! Haha ;p

-Stephanie

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"I am the wind that blows
Giving you shivers as it goes...
I am the water that flows
Leaving you cold as it touches your toes..."

I love this bit. It's like it just poured out of you, like it had to be said.

"I am the fire that burns
With passion and aggression that churns..."

I'd probably cut down the amount of syllables in this one, and leave one 'ssion' word out. It's a bit of a mouthful.

"I am a vivid dream
My voice a silent scream..."

Great line. But this makes you sound a little powerless, whereas the atmosphere of the poem is defiance. Then again, this poem shows a lot of different sides of one person, so on further reflection, it fits in.

"I am the one phenomenon
That jus has no justification..."

Like that first line, hate the second. The word 'just' has no meaning here. It's like a filler word, and I hate it. (Gee, harsh much?) The word 'justification' smacks of judges and prison, etc, and I'm not sure that's the idea you want to convey. It sort of drags me out of the poem and makes me think of more sordid and scornful matters than what you're talking about.

"I am the one and only
Both evil and holy...
I am the wicked wise
Who dons the unmasked disguise..."

The last two lines, I enjoyed. The first two� I liked the idea, but it just� I don't know. It doesn't sit with me, I guess.

"I am clarity and confusion
A realistic illusion..."

I love the way the words click together here.

"I am the silent reprise
A phoenix rising with each sad demise..."

I like the way you acknowledge the sadness aspect of the phoenix's birth, unlike most.

"I am the heart thats broken
screaming the words unspoken..."

Typo here. It should be "that's" instead of "thats".

"I am the rock, the wall
That stands even while others fall..."

The meaning is very clear here, a refreshing and well-timed change from all the more abstract concepts that just came.

"I dont care what you judge me by cos there's a lot more to me than what meets your eye..."

If I were you, I'd cut down on the amount of syllables used here. And I think you should end with a bold statement, rather than just having more ellipses trailing off like this�

(Just one thing I have to say: you use too many ellipses for any of them to be effective. It provides a sort of uncertain, unfinished look to the poem. And uncertain certainly isn't something that this defiant poem is.)

A note on the poem as a whole: it's awesome. It's a message that people either relate to or wish they could relate to, and that's the mark of a powerful poem. This certainly is powerful. Well done!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great passion and feeling of emotions pouring out some of what is human! The bad and the good.. the strength and weakness... although this certainly shows you are a pillar of strength .. flowing through this entire writing. We are all many things.. much more than can be judged by appearance. This is a great tribute and message of not to judge people based on how they look or even sound. The rhythm and rhyme are great.. I sensed undertones of quiet rage.. the sense of feeling judged by others .. great job showing the world ... you are you! Your ending is superb:

I am the heart thats broken
screaming the words unspoken...
I am the rock, the wall
That stands even while others fall...

Even in the strongest winds of life.. you have managed to stand tall and proud! Thank you so much for sharing! =)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

499 Views
11 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on July 6, 2009
Last Updated on March 14, 2013

Author

barricade
barricade

India



About
with time...u shall see for the rest...just ask.... Lets101 Quizzes - fun Myspace quiz more..

Writing
Incurable Incurable

A Poem by barricade


Chimera Chimera

A Poem by barricade



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Miles away Miles away

A Poem by barricade