Departure

Drew made his way over to his parents’ bedroom as he heard strange noises arousing from it.  It was a slow night, he could hardly sleep, and every noise from his parents’ room was obvious although he was all the way down the hall from them.
    He reached his hand out for the doorknob, the noises getting louder by the moment.  Drew was beginning to get suspicious of what was really going on in that room.  He began to turn the doorknob.  It turned progressively as the door started to open.
    Drew walked inside.  The room was dark and Drew could not see a thing.  Walking to the bed, Drew heard a couple of mumbles as he started to pull off his parents’ comforter to see what was going on.  Drew reached out his arm for his parents.  Slowly he went in only to find his arm mysteriously swatted away.  Startled by the sudden motion, Drew jumped but was relieved to see that it was only his mom.
    “Andrew Robert Barinski!  What in the world are you doing in here at this time of night?” Mrs. Barinski exclaimed.
    “Mom!” Drew stumbled a little.  “I heard some strange noises and I thought you guys were-”
    “Stop!” Mrs. Barinski cut Drew off.  “I know what you thought and even if that were the case, why would you come in here and check to see if you were right?”
    “I-I-I-”
    “The spring on the right side of this bed has a slight squeaking problem with every movement and your father talks in his sleep.  That is the noise you are hearing and I want you to march straight to your room young man and go to sleep.  Summer does not give you staying up privileges.  Go!”
    Drew left the master bedroom and went straight to his small room to sleep.  He entered the room and tumbled over a couple of clothes and other things lying on his messy floor.  He then smacked off his No. 1 issue of the Spiderman comic book.
    Then, Drew lay on his bed and, furious with his mother, went straight to sleep.  He enjoyed sleeping to the sound of raging traffic, a crowd rambling below him, or even just the sound of construction.  It was soothing to Drew.
    Drew had lived in New York City all his life and had no intention on it changing now.  Especially since, the next day, he had plans to hang out with his friends, Iggy and AJ.


* * *

    In the morning, Drew rose and decided to dress in shorts and a muscle shirt for his comfort of the nasty, summer heat.  He skipped showering and the deodorant, being a free man of the summer.
    Drew left his room and entered the kitchen, seeing his father at the table.
    “I’m going out,” he stated.  “I’ll be back later.”
    Drew left the kitchen and began to open the door when his father caught him.
    “Hold up there, sport!  Come here for a minute,” Mr. Barinski demanded politely.
    Drew shut the door.  He dragged himself into the kitchen once again and got there once his mom entered from the other side.  Drew sat down by the table, noticing that breakfast was set for three instead of two.  Drew never ate breakfast.
    “Oh good, Drew, you’re up.  We need to talk about your little mistake last night.” Jane Barinski informed.
    Drew rolled his eyes knowing that his parents had intentions on lecturing and punishing him.
    “Sorry, I promised Iggy and AJ I would meet them by the field.  I can’t stay and talk.  Maybe later!” Drew yelled as he left their apartment for good.  Drew had just escaped their lectures for now and decided to have fun the rest of the day before he faced his punishment for making the wrong assumption that previous night.
    Drew ran all the way down to the baseball field, catching up with all his close friends.  He dodged all the busy people trying to get to work and even flew passed traffic a time or two.
    When Drew made it to the field, Iggy and AJ were already waiting for him on the bleachers with their gloves and bats ready to go.
    “Hey guys!” Drew yelled as he spotted his friends.  Iggy and AJ got up and walked over to their friend.
    “Dude, what happened to you?  I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show.” Iggy said with concern and then an extra punch on his arm.
    Iggy and Drew had been friends since the day Drew joined baseball.  Iggy was in a higher league than Drew was and taught him how to play better so Drew would one day be a competition to him.  Who knew that Drew would actually pass him up and become the pitcher.
    “Let’s play a little, guys,” AJ suggested, pulling out his bat and gloves.
    The three city boys ran to the field and began to play, waiting for other people to show up or offer to play with them.
    After the time being, Drew thought it, the sun itself, was beginning to set and he should have already been home before it became dark in the first place.
    Iggy and AJ both took off for home while Drew made his way home, dreading the talk his parents would give him about being home after dark on top of his mistake the night before.
* * *
    It was late and the apartment was dark.  Drew opened the door, knowing the trouble he was in to experience.  When the door shut, lights flew on and Drew’s parents fled to see him.
    “Drew!  We were so worried about you!” Mrs. Barinski cried in agony.
    Mr. Barinski just stared with his hands on his hips and a disappointed look.  “You gave your mother a scare young man,” he said with his arms crossed this time.  His voice was stern and very angry.
    Mr. Barinski is a lawyer and always knew how to handle these situations.  Mr. Barinski took Drew by the arm and sat him down at the table.  Then, they began to talk about where Drew was the whole day since ten o’clock a.m.
    Mrs. Barinski just recovered from the scare given to her as Mr. Barinski got to the punishment.
    “You are about to turn seventeen young man and I think you need to learn responsibilities.  You come into our room last night with an assumption that we were...well you know what I mean, then you stay out late with your friends without even calling to tell us.  This is not the first offense that you’ve acted up either, Drew!  We-” Mr. Barinski paused in his sentence.  He grabbed his wife’s hand and held it for support as he calmed his voice down to tell Drew his punishment.
    “We believe it would be good for you to go out to Uncle Wayne and Aunt Marge’s for the summer and stay there like a real family member; meaning you work, wake up, eat, and come home by their curfew and rules.” Drew’s father stated.
    Drew stood up, pushing his chair down enraged with the thought of going to the smallest town in Tennessee, Slayden, only known for its farming and outside work.
    “What!” Drew yelled.  “No, dad, that is so unfair!  I make a couple of mistakes and you decide to send me away to Tennessee!  I’ve already made plans this summer!”
    “You have made many mistakes that led up to this!  Remember all the girls you were caught with in your room?” Mr. Barinski argued, losing all his patience entirely.  
    Drew left the kitchen and stormed into his room slamming the door.  Mr. Barinski started to go follow him, but Mrs. Barinski stopped him.
    “Mark!” she yelled for him.  “Just let him take a moment to calm down.  He’ll see once he gets there that it’s for the best and it’ll be fine.”
 Mr. and Mrs. Barinski shut the lights off around the apartment and locked the front door, leading themselves to the bedroom to go to bed for the night and hoping things would blow over with Drew’s anger.
    When morning did roll around, Drew was in his room most of the time.  He only left a couple of times to go to the restroom or grab a quick bite to eat or something to drink.  His parents said nothing as he walked in and out.  Drew completely ignored them as if they weren’t even there.
    A couple of times, Drew even ran into them without an apology or acknowledgement of even doing so.  Eventually, Mr. and Mrs. Barinski approached Drew’s room to talk about the punishment and the departure time for Drew to go to Slayden, Tennessee.
    “Drew, honey, we’d like to come in and talk to you,” Mrs. Barinski suggested.  Drew picked up and threw his baseball mitt at the door, making sure that they knew not to enter the room.  His parents did so anyway.
    “Drew, there is nothing you can do or say to make us change our minds about Slayden.  You will be leaving first thing tomorrow morning and will get to Slayden around five p.m.  We don’t like punishing you sport, but turning seventeen comes with huge responsibilities and we think, with my being gone with lawyer business and your mother gone at the nursery half the day, Uncle Wayne and Aunt Marge can teach you more over the summer than we can.” Mr. Barinski explained.
    “Whatever,” Drew turned away from their faces so he didn’t have to look at them when he thought to himself.  His father patted Drew’s leg and left the room, telling him to get packing for the summer.  “If you don’t pack, Drew, I’ll pack for you and I know you don’t want that.”
    The door shut and Drew raged off his bed, tearing down clothes and throwing them into his baseball bag, angry that he wasn’t going to be able to play with the team that summer, and began to put shorts, jeans, all summer shirts, and shoes in his bag.  He
    He set his mitt and gloves gently at the top so he could see them everyday, but not being willing to play anymore.  Then, he packed the necessities: the hair products, toothpaste and toothbrush, and most importantly, his phone and picture of his girlfriend, Stacy.    
    Drew grabbed his phone and stared at it for a moment and then quickly called the guys and told them all about what happened and where he was going for the summer.
    “Dude!  This is so unfair!” Iggy exclaimed.
    “I know, it’s killing me right now,” Drew affirmed.  “But I need you to break it to coach for me, will ya.”
    “You can’t leave Drew!  We need you.  You’re the only guy on the team who can actually pitch a decent curve ball.  Can’t you say, or do something to convince your parents?” Iggy questioned.
    “Sorry, Iggy, they already pulled that on me before I could even try.  I have to go though.  I have to call-”
    “Stacy, I know.  We have fun in...Tennessee.  We’ll be dying over here without you.” Iggy complained after cutting Drew off before he could even finish his sentence.
    Drew hung up his phone and hurried to call Stacy, telling her the horrible news about his troubles.  There was a silence, a sigh, and then Stacy came right out and said it.
    “It should be fun for you Drew.  Maybe getting out of the city for the summer is for the best, maybe to help you along for a while.  You can explore America and it would be a new experience.”
    “I’m not buying it,” Drew told her.  “Slayden is the worst place they could send me to in America.  It’s small, full of farmers, and it doesn’t even have a dot on the map.”
    “So,” Stacy rebutted.  “Drew, it’ll be fine.  I have to go.  My, uh, um...I just have to...bye,”
    Stacy hung up the phone.  Drew stared at it for a moment and then shook his head, calling AJ and requesting that he kept an eye on Stacy and keep him filled in on what was going on with her.
    By the time Drew had everything ready for Tennessee, it was late and Drew was very tired.  He had problems going to sleep.  Instead, he read his Spiderman comic book for a while.  By a couple of hours, drew fell asleep without reading another word.
    It was a short night for Drew.  He fell asleep at eleven o’clock and by four a.m., Drew’s father was waking him up to leave for the airport.  Drew rose quickly, feeling that the apartment may be burning down threateningly.  He looked around and then slammed his head back onto his pillow.
    “Dad, it’s early,” Drew stated, lying down and shutting his eyes tightly.  “Let me sleep.”
    Drew’s dad shook his head and pulled him out of the bed.  He wasn’t going to argue with Drew’s arrogance.  Drew kicked around to break free, begging his dad to let go.
    “Dad!  Put me down!” he screamed.
    Mark Barinski listened and set his son down on the floor.  “Get ready.  We’re leaving in five minutes.”
 Drew rolled his eyes and grabbed something to do on the plane, including his comic book and regular books for his summer reading list. (All of them to be more specific).
    Drew lugged his bags out of his room and put his cell phone in his pocket.  Then, showed a sign that he was ready to go and he left the apartment and made it to the small family car parked in the parking lot outside.
    He threw his bag in the trunk and hopped in the back of the car, arms crossed and mouth shut for good.  His parents made their way out and started the car.  The Barinski family was on their way to the airport to drop off Drew.
    In arriving to the airport, Drew and his family got perfect parking, it being early and all.  They all got out of the car and Drew grabbed a hold of his things.  Mr. Barinski offered to carry some of it, but Drew had no response but looked blankly ahead.
 Inside the airport, they were towards the part where only Drew could proceed in where he could finally get rid of the burden he called his parents.
    “Okay, Drew, you’re in 79.  Wait in that area and wait for them to call that departure station.  You’ll get on there and-”
    “Mom!” Drew cut off his mother.  “I have ridden a plane before, two years ago.  I’m fine.”
    Mrs. Barinski grabbed onto Drew and hugged him tightly, whispering something lowly in his ear.  Then she kissed him on the cheek, squeezed him tightly for one more second, and then moved out of the way for Mr. Barinski.
    He held out his hand for a handshake and Drew hesitated.  After a while, Drew shook it and left without a goodbye.
    Drew waited for his plane to be ready as more and more people showed up around him.  Some were very old and some were people who looked like they were in New York for a vacation but didn’t like all the rushing traffic and people.

    After a couple of hours just sitting in the departure room, Drew began to feel impatient.  He was just about to stand up and yell, but before he did, a voice on the intercom said that Terminal 79 was ready for boarding.
    Drew got up, showed a lady his ticket, and then boarded his plane.  He found his seat, B2 and sat down.  Drew took out a book on his reading list, knowing that he wouldn’t get anything else done but reading for ten full hours.
    He took out the biggest book first, Gone with the Wind.  It was 1037 pages.  Drew read the whole ten hours on the plane and got to page 769, sleeping every once and a while, or taking a break to eat and hit on the flight attendant who had dark, slender legs that stuck out brightly.
    Other than the girl, Drew as actually into the book and couldn’t wait to finish what was left of it.
    The plane landed and all the people got up to get off.  Drew waited for them all to leave.  He was the last one off the empty plane.  Drew got his bags from the bag pickup station and waited to meet up with his uncle or aunt or whomever they sent to pick him up.  Drew looked around and saw no one with a familiar face.
    Drew felt a tap on his shoulder.  He turned around and saw a middle-aged man, dirty and hard working.  It was definitely Uncle Wayne.
    “Hey, buddy, great to see ya again.  We were going to come down and see you guys on the Fourth of July, but then I got a call from your folks and I said, ‘Heck with it, just send the boy over here first thing in the morning.  Well, here you are and I believe that your Aunt Marge is fixin’ us some supper and we best get home now.” Uncle Wayne rambled on.
    He grabbed onto Drew’s bags and took them to the car.  Drew followed behind him, happy to see his favorite uncle, but still very furious that he was sent to spend the entire summer in Slayden.
    Drew and his uncle hopped into the pickup truck and started the long drive back to Uncle Wayne’s home to eat and unpack Drew’s things.  Aunt Marge was waiting to see her favorite nephew, speaking that he was one of the only nephews she had.  
    Most of the family consumed of girls and Drew was one of the few boys in the addition of the family when it came to children.  Drew sighed and looked out the window, waiting to arrive to Slayden.

Reviews

[Luxovious Sloane]

Alright, I'm going to be honest here since too many people are being so, so, so nice on this website. I hope you can enjoy constructive criticism as you will give me the same once I post my first story. It's my opinion and you don't have to listen.

The main problem i have is not with the story itself, but how you present the story. It's a concept of "showing and not telling," which is a very difficult perspective to grasp. However, take this for example (and forgive me for a lengthy review):

1) Telling: Johnny sighed and walked outside the door because he felt sad.

2) Showing: As Johnny felt the depression inside his chest grow within each heart beat, he briskly slipped out of the kitchen yearning for a breath of fresh air.

The best way to describe "telling" apart from "showing" is that:

1) telling presents the image as a stick figure, or something else entirely misleading

2) Showing presents an image that is 1000 pixels clear, and adds emotion to the scene.

Hope this helps out, but its a good story. I think you could magnify effects by a million.

Cheerio

[Yina]

Wow I could never write something like that!:) It's really interesting:)
I have to agree with Luxovious Sloane here though, it would have made it even more realistic but this was awesome to:)

[Dakota]

I think you're brave to tackle something that happens so often but hardly anybody talks about. I had a few city cousins come stay with us for a summer or two for this very reason! Can't wait to see more!

[Rodrick Franklin McLare..]

You know I agree with Cheerio. I think you could re-read... with that suggestion in mind. Don't be afraid to spread you wings, cause stories are so much different then Poems, Try on the descriptive, from inside your character. Think up as many different ways as you possibly can around the name Drew... this is your character. Give your reader an inside view. Why he put on this or that shorts. Why the sound of traffic moved his soul as a New Yorker. Not easy writing about a city mainly outside your local influence as I know, you live in California.

This short cuts always having to bring us his name. Do this enough and you will become Drew and as Cheerio put 'showing and not telling', it takes tons of beating the boards to arrive there. I read through about half, not that it was horrible only time concerns. I spent awhile reading your poems and seen that you had a book posted. I would behappy to be a reader for you an will send my e-mail. I have like ten readers that are going through my work. Input from them helps a lot. I'll give you marks for hard work. Nothing about writing comes easy.

Seems that really, not too many people are serious enough to post earnest reviews. As the other fella said about long reviews. Mostly in novels and magazines reviews are rather short. Where we are writing and posting isn't a professional concern. But I'm finding that most everyone here is working at it. Better reviews and earnest communication with friends that are willing to circle with you. Will help you as a writer to grow. I can see by your story, this is a place you would like to go, know and grow in. I've been doing the writing thing since I was 15 and I'm 53. I would be happy to pass what support, advice and sharing as I can.

I think it can be a very good story. With working perceptive...
Paint, the picture. With your words.

Keep on keeping on and I'll make time to read the other half. ...Ro...

[Dutch Jr.]

Pretty good for the most part, just a little bit of grammar issues, but a good way to introduce your storyline.

Watch your dialogue, though. In a few places of this chapter it seems sort of unnatural, and forced. Listen and take note to how people talk, and that'll give you a good idea of how to frame your dialogue.

[jeff hackworth]

i love the book so far, hoping to hear more

[Coyote Poetry]

The story is very good. The description of the main characters is excellent . You set-up the plot for the story. Moving and meeting new people. A very good beginning. I look forward to reading more.
Coyote

[Soul Magic✯]

this is a very good story of Drew's life. your ink is amazing... i read it to the end. thanks for sharing... you have a wonderful talent :)